Bacon, placed correctly onto the face,
Makes an ideal Simon Weston mask for an upcoming halloween party.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Pretend
that your life is a computer game, by shouting 'level up' when your alarm clock goes off in the morning
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 11:48, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

cause chaos on QOTW
by posting a subtly different version of another posters reply, which has the same meaning. When they comment on it, flatly refuse to acknowledge that your answer is even remotely similar to theirs.

If done frequently enough, will cause anguish and confusion.
(username failed moderation, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Is your mind overflowing with top tip ideas that you simply must share with the rest of the internet?
Then you're probably fluffybunnykiller
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 4:02, Reply)

Muslim terrorists why not kill two birds with one stone
and prove your affection and worthiness to your partner and cause by catching a grenade for love?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 20:09, Reply)

Demonstrate your love for Annie Lennox
by walking on broken glass...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 28 Sep 2011, 16:54, Reply)

if you're round a friend's house for a soiree and you find the turkey is 'a little dry'
then discretely ask if you can borrow the KY jelly tube.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Dowling makes ideal giant "sausages" for woodworms.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 11:57, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Staples, glued and mounted on their spikes
make excellent 'hurdles' for small insect athletes...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 28 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Want to stay slim and healthy like me?
then stop eating all the fucking pies!
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 8:01, Reply)

never put sausages down your pants to attract horny or fat chicks
you may inadvertently attract hungry horny fat chicks with disastrous results
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 7:37, Reply)

Put sausages down your pants
that way you can attract horny chicks and fat chicks
(fat ted, cheese lover perpetual moistener, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 1:46, Reply)

when kicking some one in the face for ejaculating
all over your football boots, make absolutely sure that there DNA is spread liberally all over there own face
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 20:59, Reply)

When cleaning someone else's football boots.
Be sure to ejaculate upon them, so that they are covered in your DNA.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 20:30, Reply)

after applying your football boot to some ones face
clean and dress the football boot with DNA'b'GONE to erase the evidence
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 20:00, Reply)

After cleaning, apply dubstep
to leather football boots to soften, condition and waterproof them...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)

A pitchfork makes an ideal giant, anorexic stag beetle.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:42, Reply)

A staple, glued and mounted on its spikes
is ideal for somewhere for stag beetles with dirty feet to swipe them on before entering an abode...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 27 Sep 2011, 14:52, Reply)

A Windsock
makes an ideal icing pipe for decorating cakes with for obese people.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

avoid paying taxes
by becoming a thieving, gypsy, bastard
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Guard against unwanted anal sex
by not taking rohypnol from your gay friends or giving them gaffa tape or birthdays etc
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 20:55, Reply)

Prevent unwanted pregnancy.
By becoming homosexual.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 19:26, Reply)

convince friends and family that you are gay
by denying it
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Dead people! Entertain the ferryman by instructing that you have Refreshers placed on your eyes instead of coins.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:08, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

one up the bum , dont be a mum
linkydinkychinky www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/the+midnight+beast/Use+Ya+Head+Sex+Education+skit/
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 19:38, Reply)

prevent unwanted pregnancy
by only doing her up the arse
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 19:04, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

whilst copying a tip thread and changing a word or two
try putting your head up your neighbors arse and tell every one you voted labour
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 18:32, Reply)

Whilst chopping a stale, breaded onion
Place your lip under your arse
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 2:20, Reply)

whilst chopping your lip place a stale breaded onion up your arse

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Whilst chopping bread
place a stale onion under your top lip.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 4:43, Reply)