
Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."
( , Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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( , Sat 3 Mar 2012, 9:40, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

by filling in all the people's friend and take a break magazine crosswords just with the word 'death' spelled really badly....possibly in blood...
( , Sat 3 Mar 2012, 1:22, Reply)

even if you shout surprise, it is still classed as rape....
( , Sat 3 Mar 2012, 1:18, Reply)

into the cardboard toilet roll tube first, before exciting yourself makes it much easier to then lie on your bathroom floor and fuck it. should you wish to. a friend told me....
( , Sat 3 Mar 2012, 1:15, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

It's not what you hope it is.
( , Sat 3 Mar 2012, 1:13, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

by starting every sentence, comment and joke with the phrase 'I'm not a racist but.....'
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 19:31, Reply)

prevent yellow stained fingers when enjoying your hobby by always wearing rubber gloves when you light up. removing your clothes beforehand also stops you smelling of smoke. it also helps prevent other smokers from asking to cadge one off you outside pubs, restaurants, magistrate courts etc...
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 19:26, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

make an ideal 'cannon and ball' if money is tight.
See also: spit the dog/rod hull and emu. Although him being dead might make your light entertainment booking somewhat easier.
*edit* No, I've got one now, Trevor and Simon Vs Ant And Dec. Know which one I'd rather pay the bus fair home of....
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 16:51, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

the occasional 'droplet' of urine on light coloured trousers after using the urinal with araldite.
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 16:51, Reply)

By always being wrong but claiming you are right.
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

By actually using teapots and tea cosies
( , Fri 2 Mar 2012, 0:19, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

by taking that tea-cosy off your head and putting it on the teapot
( , Thu 1 Mar 2012, 8:56, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

..by asking them if they sell anything BUT what they're trying to sell you.
i.e; Mobile phone company won't stop trying to sell you a phone. Ask them if they sell holidays, double glazing, anything you can think of. Keep going until they get annoyed and hang up.
For really persistent ones, ask them if they'd be interested in a career as a phone-sex operator. Tell them how nice their voice sounds. Wait for them to hang up. Alternatively, tell them you're in the middle of HAVING sex, and that they'll have to call back in three or four hours.
( , Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:11, Reply)

by trying to explain to the young "gangsta" types the origin of why they wear their trousers down near their knees
( , Wed 29 Feb 2012, 17:20, 12 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

( , Tue 28 Feb 2012, 8:47, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Observe the window-cleaner.
It scares the shit out of him.
( , Mon 27 Feb 2012, 14:20, Reply)

And make your dull life sound interesting by answering the phone like this:
"Hello?"
...pause...
"*stage whisper* I thought I told you to never call me here??"
...pause...
...hangup quickly...
...run to the loos...
(optional) ...come back with sick on your tie...
( , Mon 27 Feb 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Drill holes in the bottom of it and build a chimny from an old cardboard tube from the middle of a carpet in a vain attempt to improve air circulation.
My dad genuinely did this
( , Mon 27 Feb 2012, 4:34, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Set your food on fire by putting it under the grill on the highest heat until totally black on the outside but still seeps blood when you cut into it*
*salmonella poisoning optional
( , Mon 27 Feb 2012, 4:30, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I discovered that leaving the chest freezer door open all night is a great way to create a "mini-Santa's grotto".
( , Fri 24 Feb 2012, 14:48, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

By logging onto www.freechatnow.com as "suzie14f" and timing how long it takes you to receive thirty propositions of a sexual nature.
( , Fri 24 Feb 2012, 14:35, 6 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

stand in the kitchen for 5 minutes, making "prk, prk" noises, before serving up cups of instant.
Your guests will be impressed with your percolated coffee, and think you dead posh.
( , Fri 24 Feb 2012, 14:32, 6 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

reply 'you just did' then resume what you're doing as if they aren't there. this will give you an ineffably smug feeling of correctness, the best kind of smugs.
( , Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:14, Reply)

So you and your dinner guests can re-enact a popular 90's sitcom, and watch hilarity ensue.
( , Thu 23 Feb 2012, 9:47, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

( , Thu 23 Feb 2012, 0:31, Reply)

( , Wed 22 Feb 2012, 17:26, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Go to speedtest.net, choose a server in Cairo and run the test. During the upload part of the test you can pretend that's you spunking on to one of the pyramids.
( , Wed 22 Feb 2012, 11:00, 1 reply, 13 years ago)
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