Unemplyod
Well, I'm unemployed now, and 2 B honest I am not sure that enyone will ever give me a job agian after teh right balls up I made of my last one, so I could be doin nutin a while, not that thats kmuch diffrent than when I wuz wrking, goddamn these kyebaords. it iz prbbly my ownn folt, becoz i wos a rite slakcer at my jobb. Now all I hav to do is look aftre our house an 2 B onest I hav not a good track record at that. In my last jbo I hda to look after lots of hsoues adn I got into big trubl when I let sum get fludded and let some opther reely big wuns got nkokcd down. At least the wife is lookin after our money, coz i wrnt 2 gud at managin that eithre. I used to get my godd pal Dick 2 do mst ov the wrok, well him and Don. Dick an Don in da House I used 2 calll them. But then they went and cocked it akll up. I only gott the posishun becos my dad is well rich and famus, but I think he dont like me as much as my little brover, becus he got hima job where it iz much bettre wether lots more sunny. that job I had was good thouhg, big house, car, office, plane, heliktper. The heliopcter wos teh best bit i think, plus playing wiht the toy soldiers on the big baord with Don. yessir, so now I Am at honme all the time wiht the missus and my two daugters who are doin my hed in and R reely embarrsing coz they are alcyholics like wot I uzed 2B. see ya.
(Mystery_Machine, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 13:53, 24 replies)

This is some kind of joke, isn't it?
If not, then I can see why you're unemployed.

It's because the postman couldn't be bothered trying to work out where to deliver the application forms. He has my sympathy.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:07, closed)

I wish it wsa a joke
I think you R misunderestimating my abliites just becuas I am not so gdoo at tyepign. My dad sys evne an idiot ccna make it big in this cntry and he iz so rite. May godz blessing shine on you sir. And alos Billy-Jim-Bob the crawford mail man is my frend adn makes shure I alwsya gte my mail.
(Mystery_Machine, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:25, closed)

Win

( rofl harris, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 19:11, closed)

Star Wars you helmet
It's a Dubya skit FFS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:27, closed)

"Helmet"
is now the official PJM sanctioned insult of the week.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:32, closed)

Dark Helmet ?
Mel Brookes has so much to answer for...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:29, closed)

like being shit
I don't mind his films, but they'd be a fuckload better if he wasn't in them.

yes, you are jewish, we get it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 16:40, closed)

Damn.
It's so obvious now.

*relurks*

Oh - and: Vader helmet, please.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:33, closed)

Sorry
I'm afraid you get the legal aid state-appointed helmet - one of those foam eppy hats.

Sorry about that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:46, closed)

Hahahahaha
Nicely done. A click for yuuuu.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:13, closed)

Click...
Aha I spy political satire... and very well done it was too
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:23, closed)

I am officially as thick as pigshit.

I thought Mystery Machine was Prince Andrew.

If you read it again with that in mind, then 99% of it still makes sense.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:36, closed)

Monumental post
love it!
( SpankyHanky, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:49, closed)

I think Star Wars troll head took over before he thought about what was written.
.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:54, closed)

Learn to spell.
Are you a troll?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:56, closed)

No, I am jsut a rgeular guy.
I like huntin (but not witht my frend Dick!), shootin (but not with my frend Dick!) and fishin, but I dont haev much timmme for inerlectule persutes like speling. are you oen of thoes evil-ueshunisters who think swe are desending from trolls and munkeys?
(Mystery_Machine, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:20, closed)

Poor chap
Used to live in a nice white house, but not any more.
Just because he's come down in the world doesn't mena he lives under a bridge.
Just under a cloud...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:31, closed)

Had to read the comments...
Very good!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:10, closed)

Well played sir!
Despite the fact that text speak drives me potty...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 15:40, closed)

If you can't be arsed to write it
Then I can't be arsed to read it
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 18:29, closed)

Helmet.
*sniggers*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 18:43, closed)

Darn it No3L you dog
I ahve jstu choekd on ma coffee. It dang naer killd me, just like htat evil pretzl did one time. PRaise jebus i'm still alive. I had a helmet once when I was in combat with the Texs Air Nashnul Gaurd. It sure was purty in the regimental purple. Sargent Weiner used to make me polish it evry mornin.
(Mystery_Machine, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:28, closed)

And as such,
you'll miss out.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 21:47, closed)

.
EPIC FAIL.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 22:49, closed)