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This is a question Worst Band Ever

If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:00)
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What annoys me most about music these days...
... is how technically poor it is. Vocalists can barely sing in tune, instrumentalists struggle their way through basic chord progressions that would get a C in GCSE music, orchestrations are simply lazy and changing key up a semitone pretty much the standard indication that the last verse has been reached (at least you know it'll be over soon, I guess). Being good at music sadly doesn't seem to be a prerequisite for being a musician these days.

I had the misfortune of sitting through part of the X Factor final this year (was stuck on the sofa feeding our baby with the remote out of reach). The bit I caught was the "duet" round, where they got some established stars to sing with the prospective contestants. The most astonishing thing was that not only were the contestants musically crap (which is what you'd expect), but the star musicians were awful too. Rhianna and Robbie Williams were dire, Will.i.am was simply beyond awful. Surprisingly, Christina Aguilera seemed to actually be able to sing, and ended up completely upstaging the poor contestant she was accompanying. The judges then had orgasms over these shit performances.

What's really depressing, though, is that there are legions of really talented people, who can really sing well and play their instruments brilliantly, who simply aren't marketable enough to make it. In almost any televised performance, I can almost guarantee that the backing singers and the faceless instrumentalists performing off-screen are far better musicians that the star thrashing out off-key vocals on the camera.

So who's on my musical shit-list? Pretty much all of them. I want to listen to stuff where I don't simply feel that I could perform it better myself or know somebody who could. I want to hear stuff with more novelty than the elevator music that's churned out.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:43, 10 replies)
Quite right
was much better in the old days when kids practiced every day for 20. Rehearsed twice a week in a band for at least 2 hours. Played every weekend and more, freezing their bollocks off every christmas to buy better instruments.

Better quality and fewer fucked up z-listers on their way to an early grave with a handfull of mourners. I don't know how Cowell sleeps at night.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:04, closed)

He sleeps on a big pile of money.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 12:40, closed)
When I were a lad...
(insert Four Yorkshiremen sketch here)
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:55, closed)
Jumpers for amps
(, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 7:22, closed)

Christina Aguilera I've never heard such clap trap. As the greatest statement coming from Eastenders the other night... she's not only a walking STD but can't sing for drivel, I have no idea what that actually means but she's awful in every intonation.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 12:13, closed)
I'm no fan of her music ...
... but on the night she was at very least hitting the notes, which is a lot more than could be said for any other performance on the show.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 15:53, closed)
you're right - the talented people aren't on the telly
It's sad that you have to pay vast amounts of money to go to like London and watch a musical there to see people with acres of talent, who'll never be on radio or TV. Those are the sort of people that we need to be hearing.

Not talentless twatfucks like J*dward (whom I'd happily push off a cliff into a lake of piss inhabited by angry sharks with AIDS).
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 13:48, closed)
The correct term
for "changing key up a semitone" is called a "truck-driver's gearchange", for the way the song lurches forward in a new key being a bit like a lorry changing gear.

Mostly derogatory, although there are some that are used to good effect (Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror springs to mind)
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 15:37, closed)
Vapid shite
The x-factor was recently trawling music academies for "TV friendly violints" to appear on stage with their fuckwit contestants.

Notice they weren't looking for "technically accomplished" or "talented". They just wanted "TV Friendly" aka "pretty".

Arseholes the lot of 'em.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:24, closed)
have put it better myself.

Absolutely fucking spot on.

I watched some shit kids show on a Saturday morning a few years ago - I fear it may have been a similar reason as yourself - remote out of reach whilst feeding babies. Anyhow, it was like a kids version of x-factor - they had boy bands, girl bands, shit singers and the exception to the similarities, a 14 year old boy who was going to play a Hendrix song (Hey Joe if I recall). They interviewed all the contestants and when it came to him, they showed snippets of him saying things like "I practice around 7-8 hours a day, but since I've been on the show I've been practicing nearer 10-11 hours a day".
They all came on and did their bit, then the bit that made me sit up and take notice, this kid came on and played his own version of Hey Joe - and it really was his. He played fucking brilliantly - no, exceptionally - he's probably about 22 or something now, and if he's not one of the most sought after session players then there's something wrong with the world.
Of course, when it came to voting by 'the public'....three dodgy sounding (and looking) teenage girls who could dance a bit to some shite pop song of the day won it.
A travesty.
(, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 22:59, closed)

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