I just had one of those spam calls
telling me I had won a free weekend at a timeshare. My back hurts. Who wants a sweetie? Hello?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:18, archived)

I get a really annoying recorded one
now and then that blasts a ships horn in your ear and says "this is your captain speaking....".
( moogy boobles, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:19, archived)

I've had that one on the land line

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:21, archived)

I bet you call your wife up like that all the time...


or not.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:22, archived)

Fucking Telephone Preference Service.
Telephone Ponce Service more like.

"Hi! This is a chirpy robotic american voice and I'm here to tell you that YOU or ONE OF YOUR FAMILY recently entered a competition although I can't actually say what it might have been and you have WON!!! YAY! OH MY GEE YOU MUST BE SO EXCITED! Please press one if you are stoopid enough to have believed a word I'm saying. NOW!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:23, archived)

From my brief career in telephone market reseach
(I lasted an hour after being told countless times to 'Fuck off') TPS only bars sales calls. Those timesharey dealys and market reseach calls are A OKAY
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:25, archived)

It also only bars calls made from within the UK.

( Lord Gnome, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:27, archived)

^this
We are on TPS but they still get through.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:27, archived)

answerphone is the best thing for these
I have found. (I'm on TPS too)

they never leave messages...
(Dangermouse., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:32, archived)

I don't always mind cold calls
because we like to wind them up in this house. We still get calls for a Richard Astley about his trouser accident in work.
( moogy boobles, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:49, archived)

I made a thing
www3.barnesy.org/links/228396

with the help of VC.

*goes back to work again*
(Dangermouse., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:25, archived)

Call that an assault course?

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:34, archived)

He raped her afterwards.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:35, archived)

no, that's a rope swing
the assault course is called "Parenting"
(Dangermouse., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:35, archived)

Ha ha Yes.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:38, archived)

i'll have a sweety
but only if you let me get in your car and take me home to see your basement
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:25, archived)

We don't have a basement althogh there may be a cellar under the front room floor.
I do, however have a shed of sexual urgency.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:28, archived)

May?
You're unsure?
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:31, archived)

it might have fallendown/caught fire/exploded
while he's posting on here
(Dangermouse., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:34, archived)

We have never bothered to look. It would mean taking up the carpet and all that.
One day we will get rid of the heavily bash stained carpet and take a look.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:42, archived)

to me it'd be like the ritz
compared to what i'm used to
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:40, archived)

You need to try
The anti-telemarketer counter script
( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:49, archived)

I once ended up selling an old lawn mower
to some bloke who cold called me flogging double glazing.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)

Nicely done!
I once had a cold call to sell PVC double glazing. We already have double glazing throughout, he would have seen it as he walked up to the house. He knocked on a PVC double glazed door. I took the piss out of him, slightly.

But, that's commitment.
( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:05, archived)