Drivers. Stop raping the planet for a second and tell me what you think.
Ms Official Jnr has been sent a speeding ticket for a time when the car was 25 miles from an alleged incident and she was in the pub with me and her mum winning a quiz. How easy will it be to convince the rozzers of these facts?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:45, archived)

Something similar happened to my Dad once.
They'd copied his license plate or something. I guess all you can do is explain the situation and if you can, get a witness from the pub, if you knew anyone there.
( Bats, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:46, archived)

Proves fuck all really
Just means that you were in a pub, doesnt mean your car wasn't speeding 25 miles away.

You'd have to then tell them who was using your car.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

The car hasn't moved for over a week

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

Is your car like Herbie? Or Kitt?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

It's hers and my knowledge of cars is as follows
It is black with a wheel on each corner
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

I'd kitt your herbie any day.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

You cant prove that though
and to the police, they have proof it has because they've got a photo of it speeding.

Regardless of the fact that it wasnt your car and that you've been wronged, I think your whole family will be thrown in jail.

You may all be bumraped by black convicts in the showers.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

maybe they have a photo of a car with that number plate speeding
might not be the same make/model. worth checking.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:37, archived)

I dunno
Depends how twattish the police feel on that day.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:47, archived)

I think i shall go to the beach tomorrow. Yes.
All you can eat fryup FTHA
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

How do these two things correlate?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

The beach has the venue that provides said heart attack

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

Beach is for fishanchips & icecream
Nothing else.

Kindly inform them of this tomorrow xxx
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

Not at all
Barbeques on the beach are superb.

As is beer and late night sex.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

I meant the sort of food you could purchase pre cooked at shops
You are all of the right of course, I concede.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

Fatties Tuck Hamper Association?

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

You go to the beach for a walk or to play in the sand
Not for a fry up, you bam.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

Perhaps i shall do all of these things!
Or perhaps i shall not bother and just go shopping in ASDA
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

Wanna do my shopping for me while you are there?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

Yes
No
Yes
No

I cant decide.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

We are also going to look at degus

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

You're going to do what?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

Google it!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

what it?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

DEGUS

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

having found out what they are now,
are you going to barbecue them or have them roasted?
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

That happened to a friend of mine.
It's probably been cloned. First report this to the police BEFORE you challenge the ticket.

What has probably happened is some chav has nicked a car of the same make and colour to yours, and they have put your plates on it so it does not trigger the ANPR
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:47, archived)

'she', not 'it' :(
you terrible sexist
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

pfft

( sleepybinky, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

Thing is as well
It's on a road that is covered in cameras, signs all over the place telling you that you will be nicked, and yet still some spastics do 40 in a 30 zone. You can't help some folk.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

Fucking cunts.
They got me like that :(

Seriously, report it to the police. What if they use the car for something like a burglary or summat? You could get your door kicked in a 3am and a load of policeman take you away for 'questioning'.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

You mong

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

*belms*

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

Were the losing pub quiz team a group of policemen?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:48, archived)

They stopped going.
They don't like losing, those coppers, oh no. One minute it's all smiling, semi-rural Heartbeat, the next it's all beating up black folk when they lose. Bastards, they are.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

Forget that and beat her about the face for being an evil polluting driver.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:48, archived)

show them the ornate trophy you got for winning the quiz

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:49, archived)

That ornate trophy consisted of eight pints

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

show them 8 pints of piss then

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

I believe this is also a strong contender for action to be taken

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

Very.
When I was still at school I got a hit and run notification for 3 in the morning, 10 miles away from home, on a schoolnight. I went to the station and said "butbutbutit's not FAIR" and they said "Ah, OK, ignore it" and wrote it off.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

That will be the plan then
Plus she's blonde and has tits. This is a winner.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

Plenty of witnesses. Do you know the landlord/lady well?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

We knew just about everyone in there that night

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

There you go then. Go en masse to the police station and give statements.
Or...something.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

n l

/Yorkshire
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

A plague on both your houses.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

I don't know
but there's a child trying to stare me out on the bus. He looks a little unhinged.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

Smile and lick your lips

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

nut him

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

have you nutted him yet?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

it's about time you picked on somebody your own size

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

Pat the seat next to you and start stroking your cheek.
Enthusiastically.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

He's late for school

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

You know when you balance a pencil between your nose and your top lip?
Do that, but with a poo.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

"Mummy mummy! The Pringles man smells funny!"

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

Avoid the corn at all costs.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

Stay out of the long grass.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

Evil children in cinema
don't look as evil as they did in the 70s/80s. Damien, that Isaac kid out of Children of the Corn....
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

macaulay culkin?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)