London is full of cunts
I just saw one riding a folding bycycle no handed, listening to his iPod and pretending to play the drums.

He was wearing Sandals too.

What a fucking cunt.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

I'm going to That London tomorrow
Should I wear my killing hat?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

And your killing sandals.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

Steady on
I might well be a cunt but I'm not a gay cunt.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

Killing rotating comedy bow tie, then.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

Oh alright then
I'll be attaching comedy whistles to it though.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

You can give people Comedy Cancer

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

JINKIES!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:12, archived)

It's going to be a good day

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

and his killing waistcoat

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

And his killing zimmer frame.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

you could probably modify a zimmer to be pretty deadly

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:04, archived)

I'll get to it.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

we'll take it to the bash

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

I thought we might watch some films on the way.
But the Dukes Of Hazzard film is meant to be shit. :(
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:12, archived)

i've seen it, it's not unwatchable but it's not that good either
death race 2000?
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:14, archived)

Original or remake?

( M o D, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

remake is just called 'death race'

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:17, archived)

Ah so it is.
Death race 2000 is a fine choice of film, the remake not so much.
( M o D, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

haven't seen it. it's on my lovefilm list though
i like brainless action and stunts sometimes
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:21, archived)

Perhaps a stab vest is more in order.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

What I'm going to do, right, is get the missus to carry the bags.
I'll walk a bit behind her making sure I don't look at all like a tourist. Sorted.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

Good plan!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:08, archived)

WOMEN; nothing if not expendable.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

Ban them from life.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

Drumming if you please
while riding a folding bicycle.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

I hope it collapses and causes them comedy harm.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

They could get their cock caught up in it and comedy sliced off

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:14, archived)

they might get impaled on the handlebar and get a punctured comedy lung

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

The sandals could fly off into his mouth somehow and choke him

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

comedy choke him, surely?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

I bet he was happy, though.
Well, until he hits a rough bit of road, chucks himself over the handlebars, lands in front of a bendy bus and gets squished at 70 miles an hour by some crazy bastard who's paid to be so.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

I hate cyclists
Some cunt decided to stop peddling and ride in the middle of the road the other day. I wanted to drive into him but there was a car infront of me :(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

You shold try living in Cambridge then.
The students ride 2,3 or more abreast, often the wrong way down one way streets and outnumber cars 3 to 1. In the summer it gets worse with the arrival of the forins.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:04, archived)

I remember being appalled by the fuckers when we went to that pub
No lights, wrong way up the road, no hand signals. I assume there's a good death rate amongst the feckless tits.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

I ran into a group of about 5 about 20 years ago
coming round a blind corner on the wrong side of the road. Bloody scratched my van it did!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

Fuckers

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:26, archived)

Now why exactly would you have a problem with him stopping pedalling?
are you his bloody fitness instructor?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

Yes

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahah
Sorry.
'fitness instructor'
pfffffffffft.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

I just drive behind him shouting at him
It's fun.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

This was rather the response I was expecting.
I mean, I can understand a cyclist being in the middle of the road being annoying, but the order of the statement suggests that stopping pedalling was actually more annoying. Curious.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

Perhaps because stopping peddling slows you down?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

well, not necessarily it doesn't.
anyway, what's his speed got to do with the price of fish?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

I'm guessing that what our resident spastic meant to say
was that a cyclist slowed down in the middle of the road, thus slowing all the cars behind the cyclist down as well.
( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

He was in the middle of the road
Therefore slowing down slows everyone else down. That annoyed me. Is that really a hard concept to get?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

It's like a person
but slower.
( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

No.
but the issue there is that he's in the middle of the road, not his speed.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:28, archived)

I'm not sure what to make of this
1 - What the fuck does it matter if he freewheels ?
2 - I'm inherently defensive of cyclists as it's a fucking bastard cycling in traffic

But -

3 - He probably was a cunt, a lot of commuters and roadies are
4 - I cant see the fucking point in riding a bike on Tarmac and will never do it again unless under duress...
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

I think you forgot
"massive great leg-shaving flouncing Mary" before "cunt" when describing roadies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

London is full
of fucking LOOK AT ME I'VE SAWN MY HANDLEBARS DOWN AND MY BIKE HAS ONLY ONE GEAR cunts.

Posing about like fucking cunts. All the do is ride to a coffee shop and sit outside next to their "Gaycer" and fiddle with their iPhones.

A singlespeed bike is some sort of fucking fashion accessory it seems.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

Too fucking right
/have you seen this Shimano Alfine stuff? looks fucking wicked. 8 speed hub gear with the same ratio spread as a 24 speed, constant chain, no mechs, no gear duplication, shifting under full pedal pressure. Oh, Mama.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

No
I have not seen this.

Given my age (I think you're late 30's too arent you ?) I do have this nagging concern that bikes are going to be fucking AWESOME just as I get too fucking old to ride properly : (
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:21, archived)

hoverbikes!

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

*grabs comb and wax paper*

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:31, archived)

I'm going to give one a blast at Glentress soon
I shall report back. But, yeah, you are right. Stuff I've seen change in 20 years mountain biking is scary. Mind, my 12 year old Explosif will still piss on most stuff you can buy these days so the advances aren't that major.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:28, archived)

See above
There isn't a problem, apart from the fact that he was in the middle of the road and slowed down when he stopped peddling. At least move into the side.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

He has as much right to use the road as a car
but he is a cunt.

So I am torn.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

Not strictly true
Cars pay road tax, surely they have more of a right to be on the road.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

Marbella is full of cunts
I saw some bloke steaming down a main road in his Citroen Chavo, he slammed his breaks on, skidded to a stop at a pedestrian crossing (there was no one crossing) & started rocking out on his air guitar to some fucking shite music on his stereo before fucking off again a couple of minutes later.
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

I don't like Marbella either.
I lived just up the road for a while. Full of cunts.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

AND all the women have fake tits :(

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

The only rational response to this
is to gather a mob, hunt him down, drag him out of his home and kick him till shit comes out.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

Sweet, I'll get some pitchforks & some lighter fluid

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

Hahahaha!
It was so you, wasn't it?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

Oh man
1 - I dont ride on the road
2 - I would only use a folding bicycle as a weapon
3 - Sandals ? Fuck me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:17, archived)

I've found that a Londoner's favourite subject of conversation
is London. Bunch of flat cap wearing ponces.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

To be fair, all other citys are shit in comparison

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

All except Leicester

( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

and MK
obviously.
The city of dreams
( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

yeah, 'shit' doesn't even begin to describe the horror of leicester

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

I bought a dvd player in Leicester once
that is the only redeeming feature of the place
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

I can't actually think of a city in the UK
that is better than London.

Sorry.

It's like Man Utd. You only hate it becuase it's successful, no one hates Charlton Athletic.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

i do now.
fucking charlton athletic. rargh!
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:21, archived)

Mongy supports them

( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:24, archived)

LOL!
No offence.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:27, archived)

RARGH MUST KILL MONGY

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:28, archived)

ABERDEEN

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

Geographical location preference argument.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:21, archived)

Mac or pc?
I prefer mac, but I take the gherkins out
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:23, archived)

I bet you put the milk in first
you're worse than Hitler.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:35, archived)

yes. BUT.
when whittling, gripping your knife too tightly does give you a better grip, but it also tires your hands out much quicker.
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:25, archived)

Sanding actually takes very little time if you select the right paper and select the proper block for the job.
It is important to purchase good sandpaper. As far as I am concerned, 3M Sandblaster paper is the best sandpaper available bar none
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:34, archived)

I generally don't like most places.
Especially Stoke, god I hate Stoke.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:26, archived)

I think I've been to Stoke but I can't really remember
it clearly leaves an impression
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:28, archived)

Robbie Williams is from Stoke.
This may go some way to portraying my hate for Stoke.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 9:33, archived)