I've had enough of listening to my neighbours shout at each other and their children.
I want them dead. How would you go about killing your next door neighbours and not getting caught?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:14, archived)

Well for starters, I wouldn't post my intentions on a public forum...
just a thought
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:15, archived)

Fuck off, you complete prick.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:15, archived)

LOL ANGRY ONLINE

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:15, archived)

Oh fuck this place, I'm leaving.
It's really shit now. Here is a list of why you are all shit and so on.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:15, archived)

etc

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:16, archived)

LOLWAKI.
You wanker.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

c-c-c-c-combo breaker.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

Thank you.
Your post immediately makes me look like less of a prick.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:27, archived)

I thought we were going to be friends?
Why did you have to say something mean?

I'm really hurt.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:27, archived)

I love you.
Sorry.
I take it back.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:28, archived)

I don't care,
I just got a personal e-mail from Roger Federer.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:31, archived)

"Dear Stalker,
Stop senting me pictures of you eating Mars bars, you look like
you've had your eyes thumbed in by an angry sailor.

I've forwarded your details onto the Police.

Yours vomitingly,

Roger"
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:34, archived)

He actually started off with "Thank you for your interest",
before pretty much saying what you said.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:41, archived)

CO poisoning?

( well, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

better off with CO2 poisoning if you don't want to get caught.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

This is a good idea.
There is a one brick gap between their loft and ours. I am sure I could use this to my advantage.
I might just use the air rifle to shoot out their new roof tiles from the inside until I feel better.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

Feed a hose through and let rip.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:24, archived)

Meh. my neighbours are OK.
their kids smoke dope in my back garden when I'm away, but there are worse things in this world.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

blackmail the kids into giving you some drugs.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:22, archived)

Hide them in a wheelie bin, with a foot sticking out.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

Record exactly what they say, write out the script and then act it out with your wife 30 minutes later.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:18, archived)

one neighbour?
either YOU are infirm or THEY are!
(likeajackhammer, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:18, archived)

I won't need to hopefully
they play their music so loud that hopefully the roof will cave in and they'll be crushed to death
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

Knock a hole in one of the walls and point the barrel of my SILENT MEGA DEATH LASER inside.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:26, archived)

I'm right on it.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:28, archived)

I only have one attatched neighbour and he's the best
He's never there and occasionally when he is he plays loud music but it doesn't bother me too much because he turns it off about 9pm and never makes a peep till about 11am, he takes my parcels for me if I am out, feeds my cat and he's going halves on the new fence between his and ours, just like folk did in the old days.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:28, archived)

He wants to bum you

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:30, archived)

stab them with an icicle
because then it melts!

I didn't steal that from a kids book...
(BloodthirstyTurtle can no longer smell the blood of any englishmen, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:28, archived)

I don't know
My neighbours are great.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:30, archived)

don't you ever hear them making a racket?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:32, archived)

She's installed some (very expensive) noise insulation.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:33, archived)

If my neighbours went to the trouble of soundproofing, I would end up WANTING to know what noise they were keeping locked in. But my neighbours are old gits, so they don't make any noise really.
(BloodthirstyTurtle can no longer smell the blood of any englishmen, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:44, archived)

Well
They might be in a band, doing rehearsals in their house.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:48, archived)

yes they might be doing that!
you are so smart.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:53, archived)

Nope
He's never in. Sometimes if you go outside, you can hear his kids splashing about and squealing, but that's only during the day anyway.

The only time you ever hear music is if his gym doors are open.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:34, archived)

i have quite bad hearing anyway,
so i would probably not notice even the splashing.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:36, archived)

If you cut your hair then you may find your hearing improves.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:38, archived)

interesting concept.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 18:00, archived)

Is it quite a nice neighbourhood that you live in?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:37, archived)

Yeah, it's not too bad at all
The place I inhabited in Portsmouth was pretty rough; all you heard was the woman swear at her kids at 12am, and she had the cheek to complain once when we had music on at 7pm, saying if her kids woke up, she'd call the police!
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:38, archived)

But I bet Portsmouth was cheap.
It must cost a penny or two to live on a street where the houses have pools and gyms.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:41, archived)

Yes, it does indeed
So you pay more and get more. And the neighbours talk to you here!
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:46, archived)

why not just kill yourself, yours and my problem solved

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:33, archived)

are you his next door neighbour then?

( well, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:36, archived)

Uh-oh
You're in trouble now!
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:41, archived)

Because the secret police are monitoring this board?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:42, archived)

No, but rhcpaul is
.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:46, archived)

post leaflets throught their door with convincing material about how air is going to be taxed under new labour policies
and they should show gordon bliar what for by holding a 24h air boycott
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:39, archived)