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have we all done this yet?
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5575644/Suicidal-British-man-saved-by-online-friend-in-Australia.html

also, I'm going to WAR OF THE WORLDS
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)
You tried to commit suicide?
You dick.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
Never even thought about it.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Just a cry for help, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
A girl I knew at university tried to kill herself becuase she was in love with me and couldn't tell me.
I suspect she also had mental health problems but I'm chalking it up as a win.

True story, don't worry she got better.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)
War Of The Worlds? The live show?
I saw it a couple of years ago. It was shit. And I'm quite a fan of it the original thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
Shut up shut up shut up!

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)
Sorry. The big talking head thing was awful.
I was majorly disappointed. They might have improved it though.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
BE SILENT
or I'll tear up our agreement about that day of the week that may not be named except on the day of the week which that day is.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)
did her glasses prescription finally arrive?

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)
Hello.
Read this, everyone.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
haha grand

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
That is a classic

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
*snort*

(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
I distressed myself the other day
by browsing through the father's day gift ideas in a national newspaper and thinking "Oo ... that's nice" to most of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
Haha. You're like, old and stuff.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)
I'm on the look out for some practical easy-iron nylon slacks.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
Hello Shambles.
I'm back from France and being held prisoner in a bike hire shop. We were told we'd be helping in a youth hostel on Mull but the owner has put us here instead (after I mentioned in passing that I'd ridden a bicycle once) and told us to keep it open 7 days a week, eight hours a day, and fucked off. We are seeking accommodation elsewhere then reporting him to the friendly happy helpy website he's abusing, if not the police. A man came round with a court summons for him today.
(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)
He sounds like a thoroughly charming chap.
Welcome sort-of home.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
He told us he'd arrange for us to be allowed to use the showers at the youth hostel over the road.
Actually he pointed us to a neighbour's flat, then asked how often we'd like to shower. I diplomatically said once a day would be all right. He said quite seriously that was "asking a bit much".

It's quite fun telling potential customers "Don't buy from us, we'll rip you off." There's almost no business anyway, certainly not enough to justify keeping this place even if he owns it outright. I'm sure it's all some sort of tax dodge.
(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
Every dad should have a copy of this
www.amazon.co.uk/Dad-Stuff-Shedloads-Ideas-Dads/dp/0743275748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245411079&sr=1-1

It full of old classics like pretending to pull your nose off and the same with the thumb but there are some ace tricks and puzzles to set your kids that I'd never heard of before.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
Wait
My dad can't really pull his nose off?
(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
Awesome! hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)
CELLAR RAPIST
QUINCY: M.E.
FRITZL: CELLAR RAPIST
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
Haha was it that Spunky13 kid?

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
I hope so.
*calls the orthorities to find out*
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Joking a side, I wonder who it was and I hope they're ok.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Crazy times, DG. Crazy times.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
Indeed Jobey. Please don't go trying to die :(

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)
Even if I did try, I'd fully expect one of you cunts to turn up and ruin it for me.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)
I'd stand outside your house with a pug smooshed against your window, trying to lick its way through.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)
Pffft.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
I WIL SAYVE YOO!

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)
how many otters would it take to carry a coffin?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
it was an offtopicer,
I was involved in the thread,
I made jokes.

seriously though I gazzed the aussie girl advice and tried to help.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)
Is this before or after you walked past the sobbing rape victim in MK.
you total total bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
I've been stopped by the police twice and asked about it.
SCS will be ringing me for a statement next week
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)
Well, you do look a bit rapey.
It's the clamy handprints on your jeans.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
I'm not skinny enough to be a suspect
umm, yay?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

it was ME!
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)
I'm glad that shops that can't sell sofas in this credit crunch are diversifying.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
Wow, you're like a Hero by proxy or summat.
Did you ask her out after?
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
she's a girl online,
what do you think?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)
That's a definite yes then?

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)
Well at least the guy is ok

I've saved a b3tan female twice from committing suicide. If one of her friends didn't call me then I doubt she would be here now.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
blimey

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
Quite.
Ligature is a great word though.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
it's an excellent word
Alright Shambles, I trust you're well?
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
Smashing.
I'm watching a baby throw sticks of carrot and parsnip around the floor. I believe it's called 'feeding' although I can't really understand why.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
Excellent work. Colour me jealous, it sounds fun.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
It certainly makes me feel quite smug about having wooden floors everywhere.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
see I am glad I've got a section of wooden flooring to practice my kendo footwork.
Geek :(
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)
Now we're on to BANANA.
It's a lovely feeling ... a bit of half-chewed banana squidged between the toes. Some people pay good money for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)
haha :)
excellent stuff.

Enjoy the rest of the 'feeding'
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)
Ooooh, gossip.
Who was it? And who was the cambridgean saviour?
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
It was on QotW
not that this should come as any surprise.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
A QOTWer told the truth?
This I find hard to believe.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
yeah let's all talk about it and make him feel bad about it
YAY
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
WHY CAN'T YOU KILL YOURSELF PROPERLY?
YOU FUCKING USELESS SMELLY CUNT.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
I'm 24
thus it's not me
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
You're still shit at suicide.

(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
that's true.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
It would be quite humiliating being rescued from death by someone on b3ta.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
unless it was JMG

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
i hope that was you
ya flouncer

edit: oooh i know a guy from wantage. posh guy, big farm. got flooded 2 yrs ago. meh.
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
Is that Vampirecat?
She's got a b3ta friend in Cambridge, I believe.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
I'm pretty hungry.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
I've just had fried squid.

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
you may be my hero.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
We went out for tapas last night.
We did not go for the calamari, though the gambas pil pil was delightful.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
gambas pil pil is the best thing ever
I order it every other night

nomnomnom

you should try the venado

where abouts are ya?

me and broadsm... whatever are down the costa del sol sway
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)
Errrm, Costa del Mancunia.
There's this strange yellow orb in the sky, interrupting our lovely, lovely rain.

The locals are all out throwing rocks at it as we speak.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)
haha :D i'm from that way
miss the peak district though. everythings dry here.
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)
Let's houseswap for 2 weeks.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
or you can just come visit
cheap flights from manchester airport to gib, i'm 10 mins walkaway from the airport.
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)
I think it was, yeh

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)
that wasn't on talk was it?

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)
No, Offtopic

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)
I guess on off topic it's different,
but if a regular said that on /talk I'm not sure if I'd believe them. And even if I did, I'm pretty sure that they'd just be insulted and goaded by others
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
he didn't say it publicly
he said it on gaz,
she posted a message asking for help.
people mocked.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)
And thats why b3ta doesnt need any modding of any sort.
no.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)
There was much mocking even over there

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
animosity on the internet:
not always good.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)
If I decided to 'end it'
I definitely wouldn't tell any of the fuckers on here.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)
not even me?
I've got first dibs on your dead body.. you have to tell me so I can get there while it's still warm :(.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
No, only one or two of us so far

(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)
Well Done B3ta
I hope the lad gets better soon though *hugs* in case he sees this.:(
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)
he's online now,
and not happy about the story. I met him on saturday he seemed better.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
i can imagine he isn't happy, It wouldn't be easy to go thorugh that and then have it plastered on the news

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
You learn from your mistakes

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)