I was cycling to work this morning
and as I cycled past two prime examples of jailbait young ladies, one of them blew me a kiss.

How depressing, that I'm now old enough to be seen as a safe figure for Lolita-types to practice their flirting.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:27, archived)

No no no no no
You're old enough to be seen as suave and debonair and gorwing increasingly attractive with age instead of less*.

*At least that's the only possible explanation I can think of!
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:30, archived)

Phew
what a relief, thanks.

*feels ego massaged*
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)

That's alright
It was for mine own good too, no longer being a Lolita type myself..
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

But bearing more than a passing resemblence to
Humbert Humbert?

/harsh...
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

!
Well thank you very much Stitch :P
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

I am troubled. I need desserts.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

*lobs fruit loaf*
Sorry, best I could do at short notice..
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

Or they were taking the piss.
Be honest.
Which is more likely?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

Well,
I am the suavest cunt this side of the fucking North Sea, nobmuncher.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

Smelling of stale shit
does not make you suave.
It makes you skanky.
There's a world of difference between suave and skanky.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

yup
u k
ve nky
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

Ahem,
second suavest cunt I'll have you know.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

*blows kiss*

( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

Ning you!
*huggles*

You well?

Which target is that? The one drawn on an annoying colleague?
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

Very well thanks
Apart from an impressive bruise from my new implant :D

I reached my Scottish Slimmers weight target yesterday - it's taken 4 years so it was pretty exciting :) How're you?
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Does that mean that you are even sexier now?
Pfffoar!

I'm not too bad. Looking forward to the weekend ending though and going to drown my sorrows in the pub followed by a nice meal with some mates, follwoed by possibly some more drinking.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:21, archived)

Haha
Sexiness is in the loins of the beholder. If you like your women above a size 10 then no, I'm less sexy than ever ;)

Hope your weekend cheers up your sorrows while getting them blind drunk and telling them most forcefully to pull their socks up and stop being so pessimistic xx
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

As a 16 year old boy,
I got wolf-whistles from a car full of pissed-up ladettes. I've never felt like such a man, since.
[edit: was your nob dangling from your cycling shorts?]
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:30, archived)

Are you me?
It happened at a bus stop in St. Albans.

(and no, it was securely tucked into my sock)
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)

Nah,
outside a pub, in Maidstone. Although I did used to work in St Albans.
*stalks*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

sock small mutant vagina that has grown between my bollocks and arse.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

...
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

I thought that everyone had one of those?
I keep a pen in mine - you never know when you might need one.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

pen traffic cone

It's your last day today isnt it ?

*clings on to you, weeping like a mong who's had his balloon stolen*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)

Yep!
Did you get home, yesterday?

I did try and comfort your wife, but I fell asleep after 10 minutes, and she kicked me out. Oh, and you might want to wash the curtains.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

What is this last day malarkety?

( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

The end of the world is nigh!
*dons sandwich board*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

My uneducated guess
is that you have some twisted intention of leaving b3ta talk but when a new user called niknaks starts posting on Tuesday your crafty stratagem will be exposed.
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:47, archived)

I look forward to my new career as Scaramanga's man servant.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

servant cunt
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:53, archived)

That, too,
although fucking Roger Moore is terribly tiresome.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

I know
he has incredible stamina for a pensioner.

I blame c1alis soft-tabs.

Whatever the fuck they are.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

I take them
whilst watching my free PPV and contacting Annie77 from AIM.
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:02, archived)

We are all getting our shirts signed by other board members
and then we'll run around having hi-jinks and all sorts of practical joke malarkey.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

*sets off fire alarm*

( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:47, archived)

*chucks water balloons*

*places potassium permanganate crystals in water supply*
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

*places small incendiary device made from shotgun cartridges in a locker*
(it happened in my school once)
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

Inflates 200 condoms
with helium and releases them into achool hall.

One day I will stop giggling at something we did nearly a decade ago..
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

Used or unused?

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Wewere bad
We weren't that bad. And at that point half the year were pretending to be lesbians anyway ;)
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

I got home early last night
there were extra trains laid on, all of which were empty due to the effete southern fairies all pissing off out of London as soon as they could.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

It's grim up north london.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

If you fancy a drink next month
drop me a line, I'll be in Hertfordshire and I know a couple of other b3tards local.

On the other hand, I can easily understand that you'd rather eat your own legs.

Just bloody suit yourself, OK?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

Sounds like a plan.
I'll drop you an e-mail at some point.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

I bet you'll bum him
and leave him in the woods if he turns up.

/jealous
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

Will you shut the fuck up?
I don't see why you have to spoil the surprise for everyone.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Did you get off the bike
and fuck them ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:30, archived)

I am unable to give details
of ongoing criminal investigations.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)

If you need some spare leaf cover
I have several bags in my shed.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:34, archived)

Young waifs and strays have started calling me "mister"
It makes me feel like Fagin.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

you'd like to have young boys
warming your toilet seat for you?
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

who wouldn't?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

It was a sales call
www.seatwarmingbysimon.com
( Gnoll, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

You should have had a withnail moment.
SCRUBBERS!
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

*kicks self*
I blew her a kiss back and she went bright pink and giggled. Bless.

/probably on a social services register now
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

Accident black spot?
These aren't accidents.
They're throwing themselves in to the road gladly to escape all this hideousness.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)