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Hello, internet.
I'm just a love machine, and I won't work for anybody but you.

If you were a piece of machinery, what would you be?
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
I'd be programmed to rummage through other peoples food-based wastes and convert them to excrement.

(I helped save b3ta! TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)
A hobot.

(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
mf135

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
A Nimitz class aircraft carrier

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
An abattoir.

(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
Hugatron.

(I helped save b3ta! L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
Pugatron.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
tugatron

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)
You WISH! fnar fnar fn...oh...that doesn't quite work with you does it...meeh

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)
*throws sausage on a fork at your face*
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)
*lam lam lam lam*
*licks forehead*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)
I'd like to see tacpprm and your's mechanical lovechild

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)
a bottle-opener

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
A ten ton pneumaticcyberdildonicrobofuckmantis.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
Something involving flails
death and evil
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)
an epicyclic gearset

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

cycl lept
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)
I suppose that would fit, too.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)
Is that to go with an epiplectic bicycle?

(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)
a what?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)
It's a children's book
I've no idea where the fuck the word comes from though? Epiplexis?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)
I disagree.
Goreys work is wasted on children :)
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)
One of these:
books.google.com/books?id=YZ-0U3pWdysC&dq=the+epiplectic+bicycle&printsec=frontcover
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)
Some sort of electric branding iron for cattle

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

cattle pugs
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
It's impossible to burn a pug anyway, they just pop like a balloon and fizz off on a aerial wrinkly adventure
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)

www.m4gnum.com/b3ta/ugly-dog.gif
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)
Police Dog is undercover as a Pug. That dog is a GENIUS!

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)
Like the alien in Men in Black

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)
*Rwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooo...*

(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)
A brewery.

(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)
MOTHERFUCKING TRACTOR

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
a tiny phone that beeps a lot, and is impossible to find in your handbag.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
I don't carry a handbag though

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)
then no spango-phone for you!

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)
What about if you've got one of those belt loop phone holders that IT technicians from the late 90s had?

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
spango-phone is too stylish for that
but it does have an optional battery pack that has to be carried in a wheelbarrow.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:17, archived)
:(
I have combat trousers, spango-phone could be kept in one of the leg pockets
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)
You'll need the spango-phone nano trouser edition
which is not compatible with the docking station of spango phone, and requires a 1gb application on the special Spango PC for you to import your contact list.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)
Wait, what?
There's smaller versions of the smallest phone?
These are pretty big combat trousers, you could probably get a macbook air in one of the leg pockets.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)
Of course there is a smaller version of the smaller phone
and it's 40% less powerful, and gives you 3 minutes of calls between charges. However, it does gently rub your leg while in your pocket.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)
Combine harvester.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
Ah, but would you give anyone your key?

(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)
in exchange for adding your 43 acres to my 20, I suspect so.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
Would I fuck.
There's a reason those Wurzels were shit farmers, I'm not going to replicate them.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)
Candle!
I would like to be an airplane.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
aeroplane

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
no, I think she'd like to be a seminal comedy movie from the early 80s.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)
+but that's not important right now

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)
I am serious
and don't call me shirley.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)
Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit quoting Airplane

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)
Birdplane

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)