DEAR INTERNET USER
I am prepared to act as your ATTORNEY in this SERIOUS MATTER.
I AM GAZZING THE DEFENDANT NOW.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:21, archived)

JUSTICE WILL BE DONE!

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:24, archived)

Let me guess, you will be requiring some photos of her breasts as 'EVIDENCE', yes?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:24, archived)

DEAR INTERNET USER
NEGATIVE. This is not the case.
I have sent a standardised CEASE AND DESIST request.
HOPEULLY THIS CAN BE SETTLED EQUITABLY WITHOUT THE NEED TO GO TO INTERNET COURT
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, archived)

Will you be requesting a MEETING with the defendant to nullify the need for court? In the form of DRINKS and possibly FULL PENETRATIVE SEX?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:32, archived)

DEAR INTERNET USER
CEASE YOUR SLANDEROUS LIBELS AT ONCE.
INTERNETLAWYERMAN is one fiery dragon in a courtroom WHOSE TAIL YOU DO NOT WANT TO PULL.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:36, archived)

unless you're a woman
in which case I bet you'd comment that your dragon's tail is excellent at what it does.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:40, archived)

I retract any comments which Mr Lawyermanmay have found offensive, and provide assurance that I do not wish to touch his tail, despite his generous invitation.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:41, archived)

I think that after ARBITRATION
INTERNETLAWYERMAN will possibly have to agree to SETTLE out of court for a TITWANK.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:36, archived)

TO THE MEDIATION DUNGEON!

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:39, archived)

IGOR?
break out the NIPPLECLAMPS.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:39, archived)

WAS IS DAS? NIPPLE KAMPFS? HITLER VONTS IN TO ZE KINKY MEDIATION BUNKER JA!

(Wormulus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:41, archived)

I'd like to sue myself for being fat on the internet
Can you please advise me on the legal situation?
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:25, archived)

DEAR INTERNET USER
No case is too large for INTERNETLAWYERMAN.
I WILL HAPPILY HELP YOU SUE YOURSELF SLIM, however, I should warn you that libaility for your fatness is IN DISPUTE.
YOU SHOULD REALLY BRING YOUR CLAIM AGAINST
Mr J M Geordie Esq.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:29, archived)

i'd like to sue neddy for £1.79, this is the value i'm putting on my broken heart

( mongychops, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:46, archived)

Here's your 1.79
sorry for the inconvenience
( Neddy shucking chit funt, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)