Conversation in pub last night:
Bloke 1: I can't believe I slept with my ex last night.
Bloke 2: Which ex?
Bloke 1: Jude
Bloke 2: You cunt, - I've been going out with Jude for a month.

If you're not interested in what I overheard in the pub last night then you're probably just jealous because I got woken up by a chinook helicopter hovering over my house this morning.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:43, archived)

Im not jealous
I stink of mud and petrol and mansweat. I could pull 15 women with this aroma. Including Jude.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

If you just added a whiff of creosote to the aromas you could probably pull all women and most men.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

Jealous?
I could bore you all day with tales of how my childhood was ruined by British military helicopters.
I'm glad most of them have fucked off.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

Let me guess
your family had been helicopter specialists, man and boy, for hundreds of years, making your quaint wooden pedal driven flying machines for your small town year in, year out, when one day a foreign corporation using new fangled techniques like combustion engines and electricity swooped in and, a maelstrom of dustclouds and rotorchatter, destroyed your tradional homespun industry and now you have to work in Starbucks.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

Every time I tried to chat up a girl a chinook would pull down my pants and call me a div.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:49, archived)

serves you right for planting fucking bombs you terrorist shitcunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

How come you can't terrorise people without being called a terrorist?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

you're from Northern Ireland anyway, that's Britain
those helicopters were from your nation's army, trying to stop you blowing up your own country and all you can do is complain about it
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

I bet Sea King would put his arm around you, walk up to a girl and swagger "Hey, I'm Sea King
"and this is my brother, Wayne"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

I saw three dogs this morning,
where do I come on your 'things that happened this morning' scale?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

I depends on where you saw them and whether any of them were yours. If you saw them in a place where you'd expect to find dogs, - such as a park or a vets surgery, then you score 1. If you saw them somewhere odd, - like up a tree, or in a supermarket you score 8. Subtract 1 point for each dog that you own.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

i saw two dogs behind the glass in the local toughened glass offie last night
they were having a brilliant time
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

were they alcocollies?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

go and stand in the corner and think about what you just did

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:04, archived)

Are you Osama Bin Laden?
If so, you shouldn't have been dahn the boozer. you naughty naughty raghead.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

Well, I am Osama Bin Laden, but it's ok to be at the pub, - I was drinking J20 and playing cribbage, both of which are allowed by forrin religions.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

CRIBBAGE!
CARD GAME OF THE GODS!
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:00, archived)