where is the love
i start my new job tomorrow. 7:30am. bloody chunder. how am i going to get up for that?
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:10, archived)

fuck this then i'm going outside seeing as everyone else is
i'll answer questions when i get back
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:14, archived)

Today I've put some shelves up, been to the shops,
done some gardening, tidied up a bit in the house, done a load of washing up and sat in the garden reading. And it's not even 5 o'clock yet!

I've got bangers and mash cooking.
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:39, archived)

ohhh now thers's an idea
I'll make a nice red wine reduction to go with it, I'm not some sort of monster.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:47, archived)

I've got HP Guinness sauce
to splurge on mine
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:49, archived)

I dun digging.
And sawing. And some more digging. And boozing. I think I've dun too much boozing now to do any more sawing.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:50, archived)

I got all my sawing done early on.
I had to do some cos I made the shelves myself. Out of metal.
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:04, archived)

Sweet.
I sawed railway sleepers with a circular saw.

It was Quite Satisfying.

I then skinned my knuckles screwing in some coach bolts because I'm a fucking clot-handed idiot.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:06, archived)

Nice.
(the circular saw bit, not the skinning your knuckles)

I used a junior hack saw :(
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:09, archived)

railway sleepers are full of cancer, you monster

( mongychops, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:11, archived)

It's a good job I cut it all out with my circular saw then.
Take that, cancer!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:55, archived)

That's a fucking lie in, you idle cunt
Were I not so massively crippled up, I'd be at work at 505 in Monday.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:15, archived)

yeah well i'm beyond the age of being a milkman's assistant

(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:59, archived)

beyond constrained by
being a milkman's assistant consent
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:03, archived)

Well done, I think

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:12, archived)

Good on you for getting a job, what you doing mate? I'm well pleased for you.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:21, archived)

I bet it's noncing
I hear he nonces. It's not for us to judge though. I mean about the noncing.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:22, archived)

Didn't realise you could make a living doing that... I'd totally have rethought going uni if I thought a career would come out of it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:23, archived)

you can get a degree in nonceology?

( MrA, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:27, archived)

Donno, do you need a degree these days to become a PE teacher?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:30, archived)

I think that's an HND in Bruise Avoidance with an supplementary certificate in Menacing & Rubbing.

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 15:38, archived)

It's probably best to start off with a foundation course in Belittling and Mocking

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:06, archived)

Optional modules include Shower Room Glowering, Jazz Mag Peddling & Drying Assistance
Have you thrown some money at any donkeys today?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:11, archived)

Yep. The Midnight Club and What A Friend as shorter priced ones
and Tidal Bay as a bit of a longer shot.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:13, archived)

Snap!
Midnight Club, Oscar Time, Ballabrigs on the nose. Tidal Bay E/W
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:17, archived)

*gets a bit giddy*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:23, archived)

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
14-1!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:27, archived)

A one-two! GET IN THERE!!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:27, archived)

You know when I got first try scorer in the final last year?
The missus said "Why didn't you put a tenner on?" Same now. "Why did you only put two quid on?" The answer to both is "I haven't got a clue what I'm doing."
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:30, archived)

i basically put my willy into women
and tell them if they have a big mouth/fanny
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:54, archived)

Buy an alarm clock

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:45, archived)

can i borrow yours?

(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 16:58, archived)

Take a load of laxatives
and shit the bed. Job done
( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:04, archived)

hello the lovely sensual sexy sumptuous Neddy

(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:21, archived)

Why won't you say what your job is? what do yu have to hide?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:40, archived)

It's that £240 an hour job that Sexface was too autistic to take.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 18:05, archived)

That's rather early.
What's the job?
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:24, archived)

Usually you set an alarm
Still, you're obviously...
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:38, archived)

I really want to try shouting "Can we get some help in here please"
in a hospital to see if anyone comes running.
( CowJam, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:43, archived)

You still won't go out the house.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 9 Apr 2011, 17:56, archived)