food thread warning whoop whoop
I just made a batch of meringues and a vat of egg custard while simultaneously feeding and putting to bed a baby.

You may worship my domestic divinity.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:49, archived)

fuck off back to mumsnet

( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:51, archived)

Dr. Shambles has really blossomed since his penis withered and fell off
he's gone from /talk's grumpy little caterpillar to its pretty little butterfly, all thanks to the glistening chrysalis of pregnant Mrs. Shambolic.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:54, archived)

aww, that's quite sweet grrry

( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:57, archived)

This is an excellent point.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:13, archived)

You didn't put your make-up on though, what kind of housewife are you, allowing your partner to come home to that hideous mug.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:51, archived)

Can I come and live at your house?
I'm very small and tidy.*

*may be a lie
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:52, archived)

We've got a spare cot.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:14, archived)

YES

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:21, archived)

You should post this as your story on QOTW this week.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 19:52, archived)

I totally should.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:13, archived)

OH MY GOD THE COT IS FULL OF WHIPPED EGG WHITES

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:02, archived)

COT OVEN
WHIPPED EGG WHITES BABY
( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:04, archived)

YES

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:07, archived)

mmmm, babyque

( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:09, archived)

I told baby shambles that she couldn't lick the whisk on account of HAHAHAHA IT'S ALL MINE OM NOM NOM NOM.
Because I am totally a generous and excellent parent.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:17, archived)

Top dadding here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:18, archived)

Hell yeah.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:20, archived)

You should follow it up with 'this is full of eggs. That's not good for little children ONNOMNOMNOM'

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:20, archived)

This is my revenge for waking me up the other day by poking me in the face with a NO! TO! AV! pamphlet and then telling me that the wheels on the bus go round and round.
Not singing mind. Just telling me. Like a freakishly small newsreader announcing something of great import.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:23, archived)

clickindis
because it's cute yet quite strange all at the same time.
( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:31, archived)

Here, you're a bit mung bean and lentil, you'll like this
I had a bit of a mooch up the canal bank this afternoon. On approaching Gargrave Lock I found a rather large honesty box with a sign on saying "Free range eggs - half a dozen £1. Leave money in jar." Cool, free eggs from the feisty little birds squawking at me from the field. No fucking eggs in the box at all, but the jar was full of cash. Fucking bastard people and their morals :(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:23, archived)

I'm getting some chickens.
All the b3ta birds flashing their chickens on facebook has got me all hen broody.

And I fucking love eggs me.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:24, archived)

Clearly.
b3ta.com/talk/1495799
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:31, archived)

Awwww man.
Those were the good old days.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:33, archived)

There's a woman works with the missus who brings us eggs
No idea what the birds are but the eggs are massive. I've mentioned this before but I fucking love living here. I've got Monty giving us honey from his bees on the lime trees, Stella giving us rabbits she kills in her sheep field where she grows all manner of herbs and bits of spare lambs, Kev with his duck eggs, butchers who know what you're cooking for dinner by what cut you ask for, landlords who lend you wine because they charge too much and you can get it cost from the same bloke he does.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:33, archived)

Goose eggs are pretty massive
but I don't think I could keep geese. I'd be too tempted to eat the delicious fuckers. And it's too dry down here to keep a decent pond so I can't realistically keep ducks either.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:35, archived)

I'm back in the wine game from the 30th
if you need some booze, let me know.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:43, archived)

Good work!
No embezzling this time, ok?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:44, archived)

I'm strictly on the straight and narrow, mate.
got some knock-off gin, yours for a tenner, they'll never miss it
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:46, archived)

Sweet
I mean I'm afraid I'll have to call the police
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:48, archived)

Grass.
How's things?
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:51, archived)

Fucking superb
I'm knackered. Done a 2km swim and a 10km walk in the hot sun, proper good time worn out. Might have a moment or two off the wagon now.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:55, archived)

Good man
I've been ironing all day. This is a big reason why I am departing for a new job.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 21:08, archived)

Fight on, Brother!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 21:12, archived)

I don't see how they can claim that their range eggs are free when you have to pay a quid for them.
You should sue for false advertising, that'll fucking learn them.
( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:26, archived)

they're the ones that picnicking soldiers leave behind when they visit the Free Range for target practice
some canny fellow gathers them all up and sells them on, like used golf balls.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:29, archived)

Can you play golf with food?
One of the television highlights of ... whatever year that was.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:30, archived)

You see that rambling? That absent-minded drivelling?
You've just turned into your own Dad
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:35, archived)

What the fuck is that?
Just what the fuck. The fuck. Is that?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:39, archived)

What's your problem?
It's just an Australian in a pink suit hitting cakes at his audience with a golf club.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:43, archived)

No.
What it is, right, what it fucking is, is an Australian in a pink suit recreating the original TFI Friday. In a pink suit.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:45, archived)

Oh you trickster you!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:34, archived)

I'd make a better lawyer than young Frisbee.

( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:43, archived)

So would Sammi's ear

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:46, archived)

poor Frisbee :((((((((

( spesh., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:48, archived)

Oh give over
He LOVES making tea for the big boys
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 20:56, archived)

Nicely!

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 18 Apr 2011, 22:49, archived)