Hello. A fat, noisy pigeon has decided to build a nest and shit out an egg on my balcony.
Scrounging little toerag. And we caught it looking through the window while one of the girls was showering. Outrageous.

So, am I a terrible, terrible person for wanting to chuck the nest and egg in the bin?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:37, archived)

yes, and you know it
( vladimir, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:37, archived)

Popular page, yeeeeeeeeah!

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:50, archived)

You deserve it.
Mostly.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:59, archived)

They're vermin, you're allowed to get rid of them.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:38, archived)

they'll be around long after we're gone

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:50, archived)

I guess you can come back and check they're still there ten minutes after you've 'gone'

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:56, archived)

*thunderous applause*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:01, archived)

it's funny because i never go anywhere

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:03, archived)

Ahhhh...the 'Friz Option'

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

will it be able to open the lid to get in and out?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:38, archived)

pffft
genuine laugh
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

why do you find a parent being unable to tend to its children funny?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:43, archived)

that wasn't what i was...
but i didn't mean to imply...oh bugger now i seem a cunt.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:45, archived)

Yes.
I'm calling the RSPB Emergency Response Team on you.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:38, archived)

Is this some sort of very subtle dig
at the generation of Council house dwelling young mothers who have never been to work and scrounge from the taxpayer?

Or are you just a heartless bird-hater?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:40, archived)

I love birds.
Duck, pheasant, turkey, ostrich. They're all so tasty.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

actually, wood pigeon is pretty tasty
or have you got one of those inner-city ones that probably have some sort of disease and live on discarded Mcdonalds?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:48, archived)

It doesn't look very delicious, it has to be said.
I had a lovely pigeon pie in Morocco a few years back. That was a good pigeon.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

Or you could just ignore it cos it's only a bird.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

This isn't a bird in your roof.
This is on our balcony. It's going to bring all sorts of shit with it.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:45, archived)

If it's going to bother you clean it up.
If it's not doing you any real harm, leave it be.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:46, archived)

No, they're fuckers on your balcony
they shit all over it in a week so you don't want to go out there, they bring up twigs to try and nest, and they fuck whilst you're trying to have a wank.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:11, archived)

For a while, we did actually think it was the upstairs neighbours having very odd sex.
"Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh."
Turns out it was just a pigeon cooing.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:16, archived)

You're a spastic then.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:32, archived)

Hey.
Shut up.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:34, archived)

*belms*

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:45, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJWoOiiewI0
( vladimir, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:47, archived)

Yes you fucking well are

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

Train it to be a carrier pigeon and use it to your advantage

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

Do all your solutions involve taking advantage of vulnerable birds?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:43, archived)

*Sexface joke*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:49, archived)

That's not a nice thing to say about [latest victim].

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:51, archived)

Poor [name of victim here], it doesn't matter how funny, clever or generally good she is.
From now on she'll be known as 'one of Sexface's victims'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:52, archived)

It's terrible the way people make fun of her, as if theyre immune to rohypnol.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

I tried that once and they weren't much use
you can only really fit one tin of beans in each, and then they tear everywhere on the way home from tescos anyway
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:44, archived)

But on the plus side
you had something a bit like Heston Blumenthal might make for dinner
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:32, archived)

I'd move it to another place
but if you've done it already I wouldn't get too hung up about it. It'd do worse to you if it could. Bastard pidgeons.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:48, archived)

Get a falcon
or a hawk.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

he'll need a bigger bin

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:57, archived)

will it be able to lift the lid and get out?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:58, archived)

they'd need to work together as a team
initially they wont respect each other's methods but they'll come to trust each other as they escape, then destroy some crime boss's hideout in some kind of mental 4x4 with guns and rockets.
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:01, archived)

It won't nest for long and the chicks won't stay long either
just put up with it you terrible person
( M o D, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:03, archived)

I used to throw them off the balcony at my flat
that was great fun.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:10, archived)

but they can fly

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:16, archived)

A pigeon once flew into our server room at work
after deciding to shit on the servers i chucked it out the window. It decided not to fly and it hit the ground pretty hard.
For a split second i felt terrible, but after it stumbled about then continued pecking followed by more excrement, i knew i had failed ridding the world of one less flying rat.
(Disco_Stu, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:17, archived)

replace the egg with a chicken's egg, then when it hatches and the baby chick learns to fly, it'll just plummet to the ground. the pigeon will be heartbroken, develop a drinking problem then eventually either move away or attempt suicide

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

you need a pressure mat, a 12V battery and a car horn
wire it all up, and put the next on the mat. Every time the pigeon lands, it'll get a full-face blast from the car horn. AWEOOOOOGGGGAAAA. That'll get rid of it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:42, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjYTh4bJCYY
( vladimir, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:57, archived)