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hullo flebber's, Queef Richard's here
I do hope you had a good weekend. Mine were great, and, because I did a roast Saturday instead of Sunday due to the weather forecast, I spent yesterday feeling like it was a bonus bank holiday.
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 11:45, archived)
customers of the day: Susan Fallis and Polly Hester

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 11:46, archived)
Oh bondage, up yours
Wrong Polly though
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 17:21, archived)
exactly what came to my mind when her name popped up
ps 'RESTAURANT PEAS' - come on then, explain, the internet has failed me
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 17:39, archived)
Ages ago I saw a chef talking about ‘garnish’, in other words vegetables.
He asked, why do you think fancy restaurant peas are better than home-made? Do you think they’re better peas? No, they’re just regular peas, except they’re boiled in butter and sugar.

They do carrots the same way. Try it, it really does work.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 18:18, archived)
I always do grain mustard and maple glazed carrots with a roast
#restaurantcarrots
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 20:26, archived)
I just throw them in with the parsnips usually. A little salt and oil, let the oven sort it out.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Tue 11 May 2021, 5:11, archived)
Oh please we ain't got no peas , because we spent all our money on some old cds

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 10 May 2021, 20:31, archived)
Worked all day Saturday and Sunday
Day off today, back in tomorrow and Wednesday
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 10 May 2021, 11:52, archived)
overall, pretty good
I took my rings out to the park again and there was blossom everywhere, real Disney-like poetic and shit

then I watched an indie Irish horror film and got drunk
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:21, archived)
I watched Sons of Sam on Netflix, a long watch (4h in total) but very interesting
more importantly I finally made rice & peas to a standard I am happy with, to go with some fucking lovely jerk pork kebabs. There's enough left for dinner too, a great start to National Vegetarian Week
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:29, archived)
nice, I like a bit of true crime
watching it on the telly obvs

not committing it
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:39, archived)
of course m8, of course

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:55, archived)
You could try watching it on a stolen telly and work your way up from there.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 18:59, archived)
I like your style

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 19:43, archived)
omg sonc

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:35, archived)
sonc the hdgehg?

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:39, archived)
& TELS

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 12:58, archived)

SEEEE-GAAAAAA
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:01, archived)
Sorry zelda, your chaos diamond is in another castle

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:14, archived)
That’s glorious

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 18:21, archived)
Apparently saying that the fictional orcs in your fictional game are all bad is racist now, cancel tolkien and all fantasy media ever released

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:26, archived)
ORC LIVES MATTER

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:31, archived)
according to my kid 'people are trying to cancel Genghis Khan on Twitter'
I have to confess I'm not sure what this really means but it sounds fucking retarded
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:32, archived)
'cancel culture' is one of the biggest loads of bollocks of recent times
disagree with what someone's saying? Don't bother having an actual debate about it, where you could exchange views calmly and recognise that some people have differing opinions on things...just fire them/kick them off social media so you don't have to think about it any more
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:37, archived)
A lot of these media "personalities" I struggle to feel that sorry for.
Okay, you said something stupid and now a torch-wielding mob have pressured youtube to demonitise your channel and you can't live off ad revenue any more. Perhaps you'd like to now go out and get a real job, instead of just filming your daily "reaction" to inane shit.
(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:02, archived)
there is that aspect as well
and I'm sure they never learn from their mistakes, they just bleat about how they're being victimised by nasty people on the internet
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:05, archived)
When the twatting hell did anyone
exchange views calmly and recognise that some people have differing opinions on things?

Where the fuck have you been living? Teletubby land?
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:05, archived)
well, this is my point
it might actually solve a problem or two, but no, everyone prefers a nice beakery shouting match
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:06, archived)
NO THEY DON'T YOU FUCKING IDIOT

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:07, archived)
You are such a tory fascist centrist dad corbynite

(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 10 May 2021, 16:08, archived)
I am all of these things, and so much more

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 16:40, archived)
darling fascist bully boy
give me some more money, you bastard.
may the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of your woman
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 10 May 2021, 16:48, archived)
The Young Ones was fucking brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 10 May 2021, 17:17, archived)
Last time I saw Ben Elton he was making painfully labored quips about going to Tesco. This is how I discovered that Tesco is not suitable as a subject for quips.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 17:25, archived)
Ben Elton is a cunt
The end.
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 17:42, archived)
It’s very short, tell it again

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 18:26, archived)

Digital brownshirtery.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 10 May 2021, 16:22, archived)
I suspect she might be "trolling" you, a gullible old person

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 13:55, archived)
Apparently not
heavy.com/news/2020/08/genghis-khan-canceled-twitter-trending/
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:08, archived)
Ok boomer

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 17:28, archived)
Tsk, whatever next?
They'll probably cancel Hitler next, at this rate. :(
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 10 May 2021, 14:17, archived)
No it's alright he already did a video apologising to all jews
Advertisers haven't distanced themselves yet

Something about grammarly nazis
(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:28, archived)
I say apologising
but it was just him going on and on for ages about how much he's grown as a person since 1940, and how you shouldn't judge people forever for silly things they did when too young to know better
(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:52, archived)
Gaslighting

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:03, archived)
heh

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:04, archived)
Don't forget der reich und subscribe!

(dribble, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:13, archived)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:15, archived)
smash that k...like button

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:19, archived)
brb racist klaxon

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:21, archived)
Ghenghis KHANCELLED, more like
www.khaaan.com/
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:29, archived)
Compo it: two-panel recently-cancelled celebrity conquerer jokes.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)β”Œ Κ…(́◑◝)Κƒ, Mon 10 May 2021, 18:25, archived)

What's going on with orcs then? Is it new?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 10 May 2021, 16:38, archived)
Not really, they were bred from tortured and corrupted elves by Melkor during the Age of Stars.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 10 May 2021, 16:47, archived)

Duly noted, but why can't we say they're all bad now?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 10 May 2021, 17:15, archived)
Self-hating lefty elves on Twitter, I suppose.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 10 May 2021, 20:39, archived)

Nick Cleggolas.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 10 May 2021, 21:31, archived)
More like Gnome Chomsky.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 11 May 2021, 8:34, archived)

Excellent.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 11 May 2021, 9:37, archived)
I've bought a pencil
yeah, a fuckin' pencil. A 0.5mm graphic design thing because I always wanted one and now I'm sitting here going click clicketty click and drawing little faces on a piece of paper.

So that's great.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:00, archived)
huzzah!

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 14:13, archived)
Not really very huzzah tbh
something very bad has happened at work. I can't say for sure what really went on but the family of a young person is utterly destroyed at the moment. Imagine the worst thing that could happen to a parent.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:26, archived)

I'm glad my job doesn't matter and I never encounter anything horrendous and/or upsetting.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 10 May 2021, 16:25, archived)
:((((

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 16:40, archived)
don't need to imagine

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 10 May 2021, 16:56, archived)

bought a pencil
yeah, a fuckin' pencil

graphic design thing penus
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:15, archived)
It's a fair cop

(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 10 May 2021, 15:24, archived)
I did a jerk roast chicken. Fucking awesome it was too.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 10 May 2021, 20:31, archived)
Jerk5s


Hang on
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a πŸ””πŸ”š, Mon 10 May 2021, 21:27, archived)