You know how some people think they must be musical because they've listened to a lot of CDsor that they must be able to write a novel because they've read a lot of books?
I just had a call with someone who is convinced he and his wife can start a company working on stem cells and gene therapy because their son has been very ill and they've done a lot of "research" on the internet. He'll be setting up a lab and everything.
What's the maddest shit someone's said to you down a phone?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 15:54,
archived)
"Your call is important to us"Haha, like fuck it is, that's why I've been on hold for 90 minutes, and told it'd be MUCH easier to do all this on the website about 50 times now
(, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:02, archived)
"I'm scared of the clouds, can I sleep in your sink"?Tbf, it was my mate and she was off her tits at the time
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:20,
archived)
Far from it (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:55,
archived)
is he not aware of the extremely, extremely large amount of money required for such a venture?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:23,
archived)
Everyone has cells, dummy. Just need to get a few stems in. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:46,
archived)
Hello, I'm calling from Microsoft technical support, your computer has a virus(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:31,
archived)
Nah straight upIf you put your computer on, I'll give you a link to click on IFKWIM
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 18:09,
archived)
Ooh ooh (Mr Peevly) I've remembered oneI have posted this upwards of 10 times easily, but I once got put through to a call centre operative who, in full on 'comedy Indian' accent, announced 'hello my name is Steve Davis'
I made me 'do a lol' as we say on 'teh interwebs'.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:36,
archived)
I nearly said 'call centre monkey' but in this context I realised that 'be right back' poster would most likely hunt me down and kill me so I didnae(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:37,
archived)
I think it's alright to talk about apes, just so long as you don't suggest they might have appeared in an old tea advert(, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 21:47, archived)
'Come over and watch me take cocaine and ketamin' or words to that effect, frequently.also 'move in with me in Wakefield, it'll be great.' I did, and it wasn't.
(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:41,
archived)
Some kid sniffed your neck. You didn’t like it. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:44,
archived)
“I’ve told him. He wants to see you. Just to talk.”(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:50,
archived)
This is the heavy heavy monster sound! (
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 8 Jun 2021, 22:09,
archived)
Woman phoned up to say her dad had been poisoned by being prescribed six times the maximum dose of amlodipine. After five minutes of recommending courses of action she could take, it became apparent that she was far too concerned with muttering darkly about cover-ups to actually do anything about it. If it even happened, which I doubt.
(, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 6:51, archived)
And the weirdest part of it is that you manage a post office!(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:06,
archived)