I never want to leave the house again
Went to the shop and tried to ask for a can of coke and a can of pop at the same time. What I actually asked for is a can of cock. Kill me.
( Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 12:45, archived)

Did they give you one..?
(Geordiejay 👀, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 12:50, archived)

A can of coke, yes

( Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 12:52, archived)

they must have thought you were forrin

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:06, archived)

lol
reminds me of when my old pal Luke asked for a pouch of Golden Vagina at the newsagents
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 12:56, archived)

no he neva m8

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:03, archived)

ne'

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:11, archived)

Arrow News, Southgate St Winchester, c1987-8
Scrumpy was involved
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:22, archived)

you're just not putting the effort into your lies these days

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:33, archived)

Reminds me of when nf Neil went into the shop for a packet of snouts, and ended up yelling pakis out and smashing the window . What a faux pas

( mongychops, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:35, archived)

it's an easy mistake to make, we've all done it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:57, archived)

Reminds me of the time our deputy headmaster dragged a kid who’d been caught stealing over to the newsagents to apologize. The deputy head was smart enough to search the kid on the way out, and sure enough he’d stolen a load more stuff.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 18:48, archived)

I can I can't?!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:11, archived)

Twelfty!
(Geordiejay 👀, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:17, archived)

WE DIDN'T BURN HIM!

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:19, archived)

Reminds me of the time I went to buy coconut milk and accidentally asked for hairy cunt juice, whoops

( broadsword, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:55, archived)

We've all done it.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 13:57, archived)

Alright Stewart Lee's impression of Russell Howard

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 18 Sep 2021, 7:51, archived)

Reminds me of the time I wanted to go for a pint in the Ship, but accidentally ate a pie made of shit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:00, archived)

'accidentally'

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:00, archived)

Reminds me of the time I went to The Cock Inn but accidentally had my cock out

( broadsword, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:03, archived)

There's a cockwell Inn near me

( Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:07, archived)

I bet there is...
(Geordiejay 👀, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:12, archived)

Didn't realise you lived near Tillit, Herts

( broadsword, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 14:35, archived)

I don't
This one is in anfield
( Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 15:09, archived)

I'm of to parkway in 2 weeks, is it alright there? Hope the like a londoner

( mongychops, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 15:55, archived)

Don't think I've been there
But it's near hunts Cross, so possibly dodgy
( Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 17:00, archived)

Reminds me of the time I went to Hunts Cross but accidentally ended up in a cunt horse

( broadsword, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 17:34, archived)

Can you tell me the way to Suckham?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Sep 2021, 2:34, archived)

Excuse me? I need to know the easiest way to get to Suckham.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Sep 2021, 2:37, archived)

like this?
www.sadanduseless.com/canned-cooked-chicken/
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 15:11, archived)

I sure do!
b3ta.com/talk/8311597
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 17 Sep 2021, 15:13, archived)