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I've got two cups of tea on the go. Can anyone beat that?
Don't bother lying to yourself, you know you can't.

Alt: Some waki bollocks
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:13, archived)
beer

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:17, archived)
Ban this sick, twisted filth
Two cups of tea on the go? You depraved monster!
(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:22, archived)
Just poured myself a pint

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:23, archived)
+of vodka

(Planearm, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:45, archived)
I only drink vodka if I can't get gin
I can't currently afford either, so I'll settle for strongbow
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:01, archived)
for a strong enough blow they might buy you an gin

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:50, archived)
I don't do blow jobs
Serious gag reflex
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 26 May 2023, 21:14, archived)
you can't stop telling jokes?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 21:31, archived)
Can't stop till I get enough

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 26 May 2023, 21:34, archived)
^ blowing bubbles

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 23:05, archived)
I'm cooking four sirloin steaks, which are coated in a home-made steak rub based on dried wild mushroom powder, and which have a combined mass of 1.3 kg.
We're having it with a bottle of Amarone.

So yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 26 May 2023, 19:26, archived)
Heroin and frosty jacks too good for you then

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:34, archived)
Join the spice posse m8

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:53, archived)
I like to rub myself but sometimes pure meat is best

(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:38, archived)
Distinctively Smoky imitation Lapsang Souchong doesn't count

(I helped save b3ta! Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:55, archived)
Wait, have you got one of those novelty beer hats but with a cup of tea on each side instead?

(I helped save b3ta! Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 26 May 2023, 19:59, archived)
It says "MR TEA" on the front

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:05, archived)
oops

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:06, archived)
upside your head

(I helped save b3ta! Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 26 May 2023, 20:12, archived)
-head +ears

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 21:27, archived)
O_o

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 26 May 2023, 23:32, archived)
‎͜( ͡👁️ ͜༼👁️༼ ͡◉ل͜◉༽ ͡👁️༽ ͡👁️)

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 26 May 2023, 23:53, archived)
Agreed.
I have binned the Distinctively Crappy fake Lapsang and now have a large batch of the real stuff sold by the Kent & Sussex Tea (and filthy coffee) Company:
www.tea-and-coffee.com/buy-tea
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 26 May 2023, 21:59, archived)
Remember to put your Distinctively Crappy fake Lapsang out

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 27 May 2023, 0:44, archived)
All distinctively crappy teas taste the same

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 27 May 2023, 7:42, archived)