i got attacked in the eye a holly bush

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 18:25, archived)

when Holly comes round from her anaesthetic you have some explaining to do

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 18:46, archived)

that ship has sailed

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 21:08, archived)

+ you smeeeeeeeee-heeeeeeeeeee!
*audience laughter*
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 6:15, archived)

*stone-faced silence in the Queef household*

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 8:45, archived)

i hope you're ok

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 19:27, archived)

corneal abrasion
that's a scratch on the eyeball for all of you illiterates
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 20:26, archived)

Sorry, I didn't understand any of that on account of being illiterate.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 10 Sep 2026, 21:50, archived)

what alotofrot

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 1:49, archived)

I might not be able to read but at least I can see.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 22:27, archived)

good lad. that's the spirit

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 1:50, archived)

I'll learn to read when you learn to look where you're fucking going, how about that?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 22:39, archived)

Will you learn to read if I look where I'm going fucking?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 1:12, archived)

What if you never have intercourse again, I don't want to limit my horizons

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 3:13, archived)

That will hurt for a few days
Eye drops, cool masks and even cucumber slices will help. Limit screen time and stay in a darkened room as much as you can.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 23:35, archived)

got to go back into work i expect

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 1:51, archived)

I repeat, limited screen time

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 8:46, archived)

sorry but thinking about it, that makes no sense, how will you see their knickers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 10 Sep 2026, 19:27, archived)

use my good eye

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 1:56, archived)

if it was good, it wouldn't look

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 3:10, archived)

i see. no, wait

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 11 Sep 2026, 5:55, archived)