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# Zombine Harvester
I am so concerned about the imaginary zombie apocalypse that is forever on our horizon, that I have developed this, the Zombine Harvester.

I have watched so many films and played many games and feel that the protagonists just don't think big enough. So, the zombine harvester has been developed, carefully funneling zombies with the aid of it's plough into the spinning chains, which quickly dismember zombies into small chunks and spread them wide of the harvester, creating a path. The chains can be angled to catch short zombies, and the ploughs can be used to remove obstacles, such as abandoned cars.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:41, archived)
# And when it's not being utilised in a zombie apocalypse
It can be hired out to local councils to trim the verges on rural roads..
(I helped save b3ta! The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:43, archived)
# by 'trim'
do you mean 'leave them looking like a helicopter has crashed into them'?
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:10, archived)
# and in other news
I have just received an invite to a Dita Von Teese event at Selfridges. The dress code is 'Parisian chic'

unfortunately I can't make it.
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, archived)
# String of onions, breton shirt and a beret.
What could go wrong?
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, archived)
# I might get my bike nicked
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, archived)
# cigarette, disdainful expression, dogshit on your espadrils
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:29, archived)
# Definition of a Frenchman...
an Italian in a bad mood
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:31, archived)
# Having been in Italy a matter of days ago, I'd like to point out that the Italians do a good line in being cunts in their own right.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:00, archived)
# arrested for not wearing trousers?
(I helped save b3ta! chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:30, archived)
# Damn, should have remembered,
Dungarees et Kickers pour les win.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:35, archived)
# *gasp*
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:45, archived)
# that is fucking awesome
I will create a zombie apocalypse just so this machine can be utilised

*develops T-Virus*
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, archived)
# Any optional anti-splatter guards?
Otherwise you'll get zombie-cootie-infected blood all over that cab. Not good when you have to leave the vehicle.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, archived)
# make sure it has decent wipers and high pressure washers, don't want to go blood blind half way through a crowd
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, archived)
# I could add some guards above the flails.
The flails were contra rotating, so they would throw most of the bits behind and to the side. I might e-mail this to JCB and see what they think.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, archived)
# I think you'll find those wheels will soon get stuck on piles of body-parts
A better design would be with caterpillar tracks. I am an expert on these sorts of things, here's my credentials.

*flashes credentials*
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, archived)
# I wasn't sure if tracks would be be manouverable in a town, but I get your point
It wouldn't need to move that fast (or even at all if you could just sit at the end of a street and lure them in). You might want a turn of speed at the end of your shift if you wanted to get away though.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:10, archived)
# "end of your shift"
ha ha, brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! fuscous, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:32, archived)
# This is just a prototype.
Since I made it, I've been thinking the plough needs to be steeper and it would probably need anti-climb paint. Possibly an escape vehicle on the back for the driver should he or she become overwhelmed. Some powerful lights wouldn't go amiss either.

I think it would need a support team and like you say a disinfectant gate to drive through after use.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, archived)
# flame-throwers
flame-throwers are what you need.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:57, archived)
# Bit wasteful of resources - post-apocalypse you'll have limited fuel access
Unless you have a thorium reactor or something from which you can vent superheated gases.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, archived)
# Yes, yes indeed.
That's exactly what I've got. A thorium reactor in my pocket. Here. See?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, archived)
# That's not a reactor
Pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, archived)
# Could zombies be used as fuel?
That would be a nice sustainable solution
(I helped save b3ta! fuscous, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, archived)
#
zombies homeless
(I helped save b3ta! M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:44, archived)
# And external speakers
Something to lure in the zombies if the engine isn't loud enough.
Would a converted bin lorry work too? Something to shovel up and squish the zombies, saves having to clear away the chopped remains.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:00, archived)
# Powerfull LED wash lights
and discharge lamped head lights would be a good addition.

The LED's draw very little power so increasing fuel economy and the
discharge lamps (say 575w to 1200w) will add some nice UV burn.

Very woo machine though!
(Lexachu A buh? no, not a buh, a bomb!, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:13, archived)
# Ideal for gangs of chavs.
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:48, archived)
# the Charvester!
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, archived)
# Epic FLAIL!
sorry
(daveycakes my life is a cartoon, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:49, archived)
# ha!
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, archived)
# AWESOME!
Although I think it would benefit from a half-track drive system. For the aesthetic if no other reason - a half-track vehicle is 283.1% more awesome than its normal-drive counterpart.
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:11, archived)
# but
it only seats one?
(Tefty thought long and hard about posting this on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, archived)
# So you and friends can buy one each and have races
clearing the streets of the undead.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:32, archived)
# you could put a low-walled seating area behind the cab,
surround it with spikes and it'd make a great sniping nest.
(I helped save b3ta! chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:35, archived)
# That's no way to pick up chicks! :D
(I helped save b3ta! Prequal This is serious business. Very serious., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:38, archived)
# I'd like it to fly too
can you make it fly please!
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, archived)
# Yes
The cab could detach as an escape copter for those times when your assistant gets out to clear a stuck zombie body part and takes the keys with him (since we all know what inevitably happens then).

Also, having a rotor on the top would help deal with dropzombies.
(I helped save b3ta! Tonsil is slowly atrophying, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:35, archived)
# Unstoppable carnage, dude.
Woot!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Howdy, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:38, archived)
# I'm liking how well thought out this is.
Later versions might include non-zombie sensors.
(I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 16:54, archived)
# All the games I could've won with this.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 17:05, archived)
# I'm loving this
and vote for its inclusion to Left for dead 3 (assuming they are making it, if not why not!)
(I helped save b3ta! kahuna Mangled-at-the-bottom-of-the-cliff, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 19:25, archived)