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# Taxonomically speaking...
monkey is a bit of a meaningless term. If you try and define a monophyletic group encompassing all monkeys (Ie. old world and new world), then apes are monkeys.
(JamesG, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 10:38, archived)
# Yeah, just what I was thinking.
Pfft.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Howdy, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 10:41, archived)
# Ooh yeah, you get cladistic on they asses
where do I re-click?
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 10:42, archived)
# It's easy
Does it have a tail?

Yes: Monkey.
No: Ape.

Anything more complicated than that can be kept to your hooty-tooty-high-falootin' ivory-towered senior common rooms.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:03, archived)
# Barbary Ape.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:03, archived)
# Manx Cat
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:16, archived)
# aka "MANX APE"
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:55, archived)
# KEEP IT TO YOUR HOOTY-TOOTY-HIGH-FALOOTIN' IVORY-TOWERED SENIOR COMMON ROOMS
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:23, archived)
# tiger!
got a tail therefore monkey?
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:46, archived)
#
b3ta.com/board/10674559
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:47, archived)
# so, not a monkey then?
is this what you're saying?
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:48, archived)
#
Got it in one! I see a bright future for you.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:27, archived)
# if i'm honest, i had to ask my wife to explain what you were getting at
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:54, archived)
# Confucious once said "Stupid man with wise wife is wise man"
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 13:18, archived)
# Oh what
That means my cat is a monkey? The missus is not going to be happy...
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:29, archived)
# I feel I should have added a few previous questions
Is it a cat?

Yes: Cat
No: Not cat



Is it a dog?

Yes: Dog
No: Not dog



Is it your girlfriend?

Yes: Girlfriend
No: Not girlfriend



Does it look like a hairy version of Winston Churchill?

Yes: Monkey or ape
No: Not monkey or ape
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:40, archived)
# Well, it sure looks like a cat...
But it's smoking a cigar... hmmm...

This is going to take some time.
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:45, archived)
# A cat smoking a cigar is still a cat
And a squirrel with tits is still a squirrel.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:46, archived)
# By Jove, I think I've got it
You should write books on these types of things.
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:50, archived)
# You know, that's a smashing idea
I'll send you a signed copy
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:29, archived)
# What does it mean
if your girlfriend has a tail?
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 11:58, archived)
# It means that any day soon her gorilla husband is gonna call round
(I helped save b3ta! CanonCaliber A big bore, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:11, archived)
# yiff yiff grr meow
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:30, archived)
# This is utter bollocks
incidentally.
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:06, archived)
# I'm sorry a post on a puerile digital arts community doesn't match up to the standards of academic rigour you might expect
I shall try harder next time
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:28, archived)
# Not really, no
generally, it's more like this:

Does it have a tail?

No: old world monkey
Yes: new world monkey

but there must be some exceptions to this rule
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:10, archived)
# Hmm
Does it have a tail?

Yes: primate with tail
No: primate without tail
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:29, archived)
# You're both wrong
Does it have a tail?

Yes: Fuck it
No: Finger it
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:38, archived)
# Does it have a tail?

Don't care.
*skullfucks*
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 12:55, archived)
# ahaha
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sun 29 Jan 2012, 13:18, archived)