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# F**KING FLATMATES!
So, this e-mail does exactly what it says on the tin...

I once lived in Earlsfield with this crazy Shropshire Aristo part-time teacher bird. Oh, and with her fat, unsightly thirty-something teeth-braced boyfriend. Yes, she forgot to tell me about him in her garbled, inbred-inspired sentences too. Anyway, the posh ginger trollop used to start humping the pearly-white-challenged, Bearded, Oft-Spotted Putney flanker at 2am every shagging night. Literally folks.

Not usually THAT annoying, but for this Star-Crossed pair of mismatched tits to start groaning and heaving in the early hours- well it was like my worst nightmare made flesh. In his fat-arsed case, multiple flab loads of it.

However, the gross couple always climaxed with some hint of S & M, or her taking it painfully up the root canal, metaphorically speaking.

'Dave! No Dave! Dave! That hurts! EEEARRGHHH!' she'd scream like a desperate talking horse. Ergo, she'd storm out of the bedroom, slam her bathroom door until it almost came off the hinges (most likely like her) and then use all the available bog roll to clean (?) her bits? So when I arose a few hours later I would have to use my middle finger to clean my unmentionable ring of fire. And the perverse pair used to drink all my milk.

Eee! By gum- the good ol' days!!!
(Kevmanwilly, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:31, archived)
# why do you all hate me
i only want to be your friend:(
(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:32, archived)
# i don't hate you
i think you seem quite sweet, in a needy way

[edit] that story's a bit good. someone ought to move it for him, if such a thing is possible
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)
# i concur
HEY we's being scammed
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)
# i know
i just realised later when i saw it was the plural after astantine's post.
damn swine
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)
# I don't hate you.
...who are you anyway?
(Astatine, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)
# shh...
*snigger*
(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)
# arf!
(I helped save b3ta! barnesy, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)
# If the wind changes...
...etc.
(the_hammerhead_tart -- In love with a strict machine, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# U R BOLD
arf!
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)
# i hate everyone
don't feel special.
(yakmonkey, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)
# a) change your name back to what it was before
b) BRING ME MY COFFEE
(time travelling chicken, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)
# The next person
to point and laugh at me is bum gay.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)
# what do all your friends and family
say to you behind your back?
(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)
# Damn,
you're wonderful, not like that big gay Monkeymanblue, who smells of pigs.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# hahaha
they're absolutly right , of course!!
(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:54, archived)
# Look closer
You can see the wires. It's all done with smoke and mirrors
(I helped save b3ta! Dogtanian, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)
# silly boy
;)
(I helped save b3ta! new_matt, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)
# i like you
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)
# *pssssssssssst*
You've got the wrong donation icon.
(I helped save b3ta! HP hasn't been here in aaaaaages, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# that username is not your own
leave the board immediately! ;)
(I helped save b3ta! spatuluk, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# Are you
the Dave in question by any chance???
(Sabertoothed_monkey, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# bah
humbug
(I helped save b3ta! WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)
# G) He changed his name back several minutes ago
(I helped save b3ta! HP hasn't been here in aaaaaages, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)
# a) it's not really him
b) it's not really him
d) it's not really him
7) it's not really him
(I helped save b3ta! new_matt, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)
# hehehe
F5 is your friend:)


(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)
# grumble
mutter

etc

SO there

yeah
(I helped save b3ta! WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:52, archived)
# bang it in the right thread
there's a good chap
(I helped save b3ta! new_matt, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)
# You might want to
stick that on to this thread otherwise it probably won't get seen by The Relevant People.

An excellent phrase "she'd scream like a desperate talking horse" though :)
(I helped save b3ta! Number_6, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)
# Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
you wiped your arse with your finger.

you dirty boy.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)
# good way to stop
biting your nails though.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof. Slocombe, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)
# So
is the middle finger bit true?
(I helped save b3ta! High Lord Phanty, Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:39, archived)