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[challenge entry] quick, dirty, and cheaky compo entry #3


From the Illustrated Spam challenge. See all 433 entries (closed)

(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:09, archived)
# i think that's pretty
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:11, archived)
# Cheers Robert
it makes me feel all fuzzy inside.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:12, archived)
# sorry for the TJ
but if anyone whats to carry on the good(?) advice from www.b3ta.com/board/3623819 then lets do it here on the recent page
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:13, archived)

long and short of it is mate, she's having a really difficult time by the sounds of things, and despite what you say about putting other people first all the time, you're not doing that here. I mean I don't care what gender or species she likes to fuck, but she obviously does, and at your age, coming to terms with bog-standard heterosexuality is hard enough. Add anything else to the mix and it's mayhem in your head.

Perhaps that's because nobody is 100% gay or 100% straight but we're all expected to be, I dunno.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:14, archived)
# ok...so repeating myself rather a lot..
so, sensitive and supprortive? i spend an hour or so tonight cheeering her up because the bloke she likes hasn't contacted her for a few days. I moved her from tears to utter confidence that she was doing nothing wrong, was slim and beautiful, and that he wasn't worth getting so worked up over. It;s just a case of knowing which little words mean a lot.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:21, archived)
# man, I have to stop editing in place so hard
but anyway. I don't mean that, that's being a friend. I mean the deeper identity issues that your teenage years are so acutely focused on. I don't know if you talk on that level, I mean I'm nearly 30 and I don't really talk to anyone on that level, but I think that there is the thing that's really fucking with her mind.

She may need to get over that and build a solid confidence in who she is before she can form a proper relationship anyway. As may you? I don't know. I know my head was a mess well into my 20s. And still is if I'm honest.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:27, archived)
# forget her
end of story
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:29, archived)
# can't she's still my best friend
losing her would be devastaing, even if i didn't fancy her.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:57, archived)
# her sexuality has never been anything resembling an issue
a few years ago, she just relaised that she still fancied guys, but just so happened to like girls too. I wish i could put myself first more, but when i do i just feel guilty because i've made the other person miss out on exactly the ammount i'm enjoying something, making me feel bad, if not worse than i was originally, i'm doing my best to effectively reprogram myself out of this, like i've done about my shyness or my insecurities.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:33, archived)
# her sexuality has never been anything resembling an issue
and this is where you are wrong.

it will be an issue for most, if not all of her life.

and you are still insecure. Go meet some other women who think you're cute and who like the way you dance or something. Get some confidence in yourself for fucks sake. You see all this bollocks you're spouting about putting other people first just doesn;t ring true. I think you're so obsessed with yourself that you're letting other people walk all over you as a diversion from the real, self-centered you.

stop fucking worrying about other people so much. help them if they need it, but don't expect to solve all their problems.

Because I assure you, you can't.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:40, archived)
# i don;t mean it doesnlt cause her problems
i mean the choice has never been difficult, she quite certainly is attracted to boys and girls in the same way, by her opinion and everyone who knows her. She has the confidence to not let her sexuality bother her in the slightest, here levels or resolve in that matter never fail to astound me and my freinds.

I had a date for last night, according to everyone that knows her she likes me (one person i dont even know phoned me to say that she liked me, and could i please ask her out or at the very least be amazingly tactful in my turning her down. I fancy her too, so i asked her out, she texted me the day before the date to say she was having a party, she'd i vite me but too many people were going. Still, she wants to go ice skating with me and my friends (inclusing jenny, awkward) next week.

I don't LIKE being so nice, it's just the way i feel, i get shitloads of guilt whenever i take something that someone else would like. No one seems to apprciate the fact that i can actually be a generous, considerate person. Ask anyone who knows me well, (which i understand you can't) i'm generous to any stranger asking for help or chairty because i can and because other people's happiness makes me happier than my own happiness and my guilt.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:53, archived)
# Is this a wind up?
sounds more and more like she's only a tiny part of your problem.

mate, you are positively dripping with insecurity. perhaps that's why she doesn't fancy you. she wants someone strong and confident who can show her things, be an adventure, a bit of a mystery to solve. Try putting yourself in her shoes, genuinely and honestly in her shoes, instead of wallowing in self-pity. it's not attractive, or becoming.

And that's all I've got to say on the matter because I need to get some sleep as I'm off to play a gig in snowdonia tomorrow and there may be girls there.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 3:00, archived)
# it;s me trying to make sense
after 13 units of rum
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 3:03, archived)
# Whats is need here is a good dose
of Lyrics.

Summertime and the wind is blowing outside though we’re in Chelsea and I don’t know what I’m doing in the city, the sun is always in my eyes.
It crashes through the window when I’m sleeping on the couch, when I came to visit you, that’s when I knew, that I could never have you, I knew that before you did.

Still I’m the one who’s stupid. And there’s this burning like there’s always been, I never been so alone, and I’ve…. never been so alive.

This is a view on a motorcycle drive by, the cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don’t mind, you smile, and say the world it doesn’t agree with you, I don’t believe you , you’re so surreal, careening thro the universe you axis on a tilt, your guiltless and free, I hope you will take a piece of me with you.

There’s things I like to do , that you don’t believe in, I would like to build something, but you’ll never see it happen. And there’s this burning, like there’s always been, I’ve never been so alone, and I … I’ve never been so alive.

And there’s this burning, ahah, there’s this burning, ay ay ay.

There’s this soul I want to know, New York City is evil, the circus is everything, but I could never do that, someone would see through that, and this is the last time we’ll be friends again, and I’ll get over you, you’ll wonder who I am. And there’s this burning, just like there’s always been, I’ve never been so alone, alone, alive, alive, I’ve never been so alive …. so alive.

I go home to the coast it starts to rain I paddle out on the water, alone, taste the salt and taste the pain, I’m not thinking of you again.

Summer dies it swells and dries and the sun goes down in my eyes through this broken wave, darkly coming, to take me …. home.

And I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.

Third Eye blind - Motorcycle Driveby
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 11:55, archived)
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:18, archived)
# You'll have blood on your paws
before the night is out with advice like that!

EDIT: good linkage, squire! Morissey fans' joint 14th least favourite artist- none other than Barry White, the walrus of lurrrrrrve!
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:24, archived)
"I'm driving
Your girlfriend home
And she's laughing
To stop herself crying
"Drive on", she says
I drive on
And she says
"So how did I end up
Attached to this person
When his sense of humour
Gets gradually worser ?"
And I can't tell her "
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:27, archived)
# Ooooh...
A username I haven't seen.

2000AD right?
ABC warriors are great!
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:31, archived)
# N5!
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:32, archived)
# "I dont want to spoil our friendship"
just means "you're an ugly cunt"

You never did have a chance
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:19, archived)
# :O
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:20, archived)
# what?
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:25, archived)
# you called him an ugly cunt!
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:27, archived)
# or in the words of jenny
"ok leo, i admit it, you're no prince chaming, but compared to most of the ugly fuckers we hang around with you're far from ugly"
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:44, archived)
# but she still
doesn't fancy you.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:50, archived)
# you should see some o the people she;s gone out with in the past
faces by all opinions worse than mine, but like me, naturaly athletic build and strong upper back muscles (which is acording to her the sexiest part of a man's body)
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:55, archived)
# Whatever
you do, don't force the issue here. Time is your friend. Let things settle. Are you really so desperate? Dare you force things to the point of being irreperable? Take your time. Eventually, she will see if you are subtle.

Edit/ perhaps you shouldn't listen to me. I have a bad tendancy to be very mechanistic. A person does x because Y and Z applies. etc.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:29, archived)
# did you mean suitable?
or was that a subtle subtext?
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:34, archived)
# I mean
Subtle. Pushing things won't help I think.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:35, archived)
# but
it's the only pleasure I have left in life
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:51, archived)
# i was subtle for a while
but in recent months, we've become uttely open to each other, no secrets, no lies, we've deiscussed at length how we feel about each other, and way before that i learned to recognise when she's being at all untruthful, and to the best of my knowledge, she spoke every word as she meant it.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:36, archived)
# No secrets
no lies.
Sounds to me like you are only a short step away.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:38, archived)
# nope,
a short step backwards, she cares for me like a brother, but couldnt do anything for the same reason.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:41, archived)
# i need an apple
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:13, archived)
# I've got some fag butts that are only a few weeks old.
Want me to stick em in the post?

(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:20, archived)
# please :(
i'm skint
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:20, archived)
# word of caution
be careful of what you ask for (he just might do it)
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:56, archived)
# i think
i'd be funnier if he said "if you say so" instead of "sure, whatever". arfage nonetheless.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:57, archived)