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Patent Pending...

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Whato_Jeeves Did your surgery require a vaginal mesh patch?, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:39, archived)

THE GILLETTE FUCKEST UPPEST

WITH 59 BLADES IT'LL FUCK YOUR FACE UP

(Tom_O'Bedlam http://www.zazzle.com/tomobedlam, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:40, archived)

They're all rusty and jagged.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:41, archived)

The Gillette Seaman

Summons a band of unquenchable pirates who fuck your face with rusty swords whilst singing a sea shanty.

(Jeru War and Piss, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:44, archived)

Ahhh....

I was picturing a razor falling over backwards, arms flailing, while a perfectly lobbed ball passed overhead and into the goal.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:48, archived)

*buys 7*

(Tom_O'Bedlam http://www.zazzle.com/tomobedlam, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:51, archived)

Damn' patents.

I came up with an idea over coffee yesterday, but we missed it by two years. Shame that, but at least it worked well enough for someone to patent it...
This keeps happening to me.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:40, archived)

I wouldn't trust the person you have coffee with.

He, she or it is obviously going back in time to patent your ideas.

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riverghost servicing your mum since, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:44, archived)

I hope they haven't patented my time machine already, then.

Bloody master's students...

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:46, archived)

the problem with patenting a time machine

is that it becomes a war of attrition

each person travels further back in time to be the original inventor

until such point that I don't know where I'm going with this

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discomeats This canoe, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:53, archived)

But wouldn't you just end up folding the fourth dimension through the fifth dimension and therefore come out in your own tangent reality?

Completely unaffecting everyone in your previous reality.

(Jeru War and Piss, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:55, archived)

I'd probably cheat

by creating a pocket universe and tricking the other patentees into going then closing the gateway to this mode of existence

then! I would be the ultimate time machine inventor!

of course, with all my enemies being such skilled scientists they may find a way out and come back to defeat me, however! my foolproof plan involves cloning the other time machine makers and using their intellect to find a way to defeat them!

HAH! A Plan with no flaws or logic!

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discomeats This canoe, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:59, archived)

I've just gone on youtube to berate string theoriest now.

Damn them and their flighty unrealistic perception of alternate dimensions.

(Jeru War and Piss, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 13:17, archived)

flighty, unrealistic yet strangely compelling

(Tom_O'Bedlam http://www.zazzle.com/tomobedlam, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 13:19, archived)

just don't shave

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Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:41, archived)

did you watch the Reggie Perrin remake last night?

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twig Save 6 Music, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:43, archived)

Nope, I watched the programme before that though.

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Whato_Jeeves Did your surgery require a vaginal mesh patch?, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:48, archived)

just reminded me of something in that

"I'm working on a ten-blade razor"
"Ten blades? Wow - is that possible?"
"Actually, no"

Trust me it was funny. This is why Martin Clunes gets paid a lot more than me.

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twig Save 6 Music, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 12:54, archived)

Reminds me of one of my favourite Onion articles:

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

And of course shortly after this they actually did.

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