b3ta.com board
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Messageboard » XXX » Message 9490123 (Thread)

#
well his hat originally said 'Chevy's'. Its a mexican food place here in the states. I just asked what a Chav was because it fits the guys real character.
(Dog Biscuit Boy MY AMERICAN BARF IS TASTIER,THAN YOURS., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:39, archived)
# I like the states
I've never been but I imagine that the puritans who set it up must have done a bang up job. My reasoning goes thusly:

Australia was colonised by convicts
I've been to Australia and it was an enjoyable experience and the people were nice
America was colonised by religious types
Religious types are better than convicts (surely)
America should be better than Australia.

It's basically all maths
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)
# *tries to work out equation*
*gets turned back by Homeland Security*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)
# I have a permanent black mark on my United States Homeland security record
for the attempted smuggling of 14 cigarettes.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)
# That must make you a high profile target. :D
The Border guys at Newark are the most evil, petty sons of bitches the world has known.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)
# They're bloody awful there, aren't they? I even had one guy ask me what my star sign was to try and catch me out, I though "what are you a fucking bouncer in glastonbury?"
The smuggling story was at Houston air port when I was 20. I was flying on a connecting flight from London to vancouver changing plancs in texas (crazy I know, but it worked out cheapest), I got pulled to one side and they asked if they could have a look in my bag. I thought "well sure, I'm fairly certain I haven't put a bomb in it"
now... they said the search was at random, but I had long hair a beard and a lip piercing at the time so I've got my suspicions...
anyway, they confiscated the two bottles of pimms i'd bought in england for my friend in canada, because I was under 21, they let me off with a warning though, "because it was an accident". Not only that, but the limit for fags is 200. I had a brick and an open packet. being over the legal age limit for smoking I'm assumed to know better than to bring in any amount over the legal limit, so "sorry sir, but that is in breach of the USA customs regulations. You will have to forfeit that contraband and a formal note will be made against your passport"
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)
# haha that's incredible
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)
# bizarre innit?
the only good bit is that I am statistically more piratical than anyone else I know
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)
# the downside is
that the FBI have read this message and are considering how much funds to allot to your imminent capture and indefinite imprisonment.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)
# you're lucky it wasn't an episode of Neighbours
they would have made you sit down and chain smoke all of them until you didn't ever want to see a cigarette again!
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)
# Toadfish lols!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)
# Ah, the United States of we can enforce
whatever the fuck we like, 'cos we're all armed.
I had a real gem coming back through JFK, with a big shoulder bag in which i had my PC and my Mac laptops. This was evidently in contravention of something or other, as they guy after the x-ray tunnel took all my carry on stuff apart down the molecular level, and me down to my fucking scuddies and t-shirt. Top humiliation skills, that man.

(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)
# shitting christ :( thats not on at all :(
thats awful
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)
# Yeah
They don't like fags in Texas:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)
# I once got pulled at Australian customs
for attempted cheese smuggling!

Do you know what they do to cheese smugglers in ozzy prisons?
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)
# grill them?
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)
# maths is all very well until you remember that its a country that was set up by religious types who left europe because they thought there was too much sex
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)
# well I don't imagine I could ever have too much sex
... I'd like to try

it's settled then - I'm becoming a porno star!
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)
# Don't you think pornstars get sick of having sex?
(I helped save b3ta! Squishtastic is having bouts of insomnia.. beware b3ta, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)
# if they're in some sort of puke porn
I imagine that they have to...
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)
# 9AM - Clock in
9.14AM - 12 Noon - Sexings
12 Noon - 1PM - Lunch
1PM - 5PM - Sexings, fellatings and masturbatings
5PM - Clock out
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)
# Now that's a timesheet!
:D
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)
# think of all the calories you'd burn!
its the ulitmate diet!
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)
# shave, lube, shave,
fake cum shot, take your $50 back to your bedsit and dream of stardom
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:00, archived)
# flexitime?
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)
# What is this 'too much sex' of which you speak?
...and, more importantly, where is it going on?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)
# Amsterdam I'd imagine
Good morning, sir.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)
# Hmmm. Possibly.
I'd like to believe that it's Timmendorf, a rather pretty seaside resort on the Baltic.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)
# without a doubt it's one of the freaky
Hebridean islands... I've seen The Wicker Man
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)
# What, you saw him this morning?
Was he well?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)
# he's given up smoking
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)
# *LOL*
Class.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)
# Bless,
he's been trying for what? 36 years now?
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)
# Too much sex can be had.
You know because it's ouchie to sit down.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)
# That must be why I'm sitting rather comfortably.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)
# I'm not, my sodding knee hurts.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)
# *kisses better*
Anything else whilst I'm down here, ma'am?

;-)

Edit: I can't believe I just said that, I'm so sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)
# :D
Too lovely for words. Shush, it's all good.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)
# nods seriously
:(
(I helped save b3ta! cakeburglar still bored with Freebase, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)
# Don't sit down?
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)
# But I'm really good at it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)
# It's one of my few talents, as you can probably tell
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)
# I went years ago
and experience both cities and small towns.

The small towns were scarily insular, but really no worse than over here.
Cities were mad, but no worse than over here
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)
# Joe Scaramanga in "It's no worse than over here" shock!
;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)
# You couldnt make it up
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)
# :D
this pleases me
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)