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# Mmmmmmmmm
(I helped save b3ta! kinks rock over London, rock on Chicago, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:04, archived)
# Man leaves pint unattended in pub while going to bogs.
When he returns, barman tells man he saw woman pick up pint and fart in it.
Man confronts woman: "Oi, you fart in my Whitbread?"
Woman says: "No, I'm Tessa Sanderson."
(I helped save b3ta! Bob Todd whee, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:09, archived)
# Too much of teh mind pish
/gah!
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:10, archived)
# I'm clearly the faster typist, though. :P
(I helped save b3ta! Bob Todd whee, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:11, archived)
# We both had five minutes to type that out
You win.

:D
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:12, archived)
# Of course, she was banned from athletics when
drug testers found half a pound of crack in her pants.
(I helped save b3ta! kinks rock over London, rock on Chicago, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:12, archived)
# I thought that was Dawn French?
etc

I'm here all night.....unfortunately.
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:13, archived)
# The only athletics she's ever done is the 10,000 eaters.
(I helped save b3ta! kinks rock over London, rock on Chicago, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:15, archived)
# she's got more crack than harlem
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:14, archived)
# lol
(I helped save b3ta! Elvis impersonator, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:30, archived)
# You fart in my Whitbread?
etc.....
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:09, archived)
# it could only improve the taste
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:15, archived)
# i don't get it
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:18, archived)
# Have a handful or RIS
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:19, archived)
# thanks
it smells like bellybutton
(seriously though - what?)
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:28, archived)
# not mine it doesn't
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:30, archived)
# i'd imagine it'll be a bit ripe by now?
:p
howdo miss?
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:35, archived)
# i'm great
lost another half a stone :)
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:37, archived)
# funny that
me too! (in 2 n bit weeks) yay me! Yay you! woo! :D
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:39, archived)
# i've lost 12 and a half so far
i've just had to throw my favourite pyjamas away, they're too big for me. that's the problem with losig weight.
well, that and the baggy skin ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:43, archived)
# I kinda nearly asked my m8's step sister out....
i kinda hinted at meeting and now she wants to meet - i'm shaking thinking about it! argh!
edit : woo for weight loss :D
edit 2 : where a good place to meet?
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:47, archived)
# what's the worst that could happen?
she sounds like she's up for it. at worst, you don't hit it off. at best, you could get a shag out of it
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)
# she asking me to decide where n when
...*gulp*
any ideas?
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
# take her to see a horror film
if she's scared, she'll cling to you and you can cop a feel. if she's not scared, she's probably like me, which means you'll get laid without having to try
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
# ...would but there aint a cinema for 90 miles....
and my cars off the road (hence the weight loss) hurry up bloody postman!
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)
# invite her round to watch a film
then surreptitiously turn the heat up so she has to take some clothes off.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)
# i'm sure my parents would enjoy that...
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)
# take her to the park
get her pissed, then feel her up on the swings
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
# i'm not that kind of guy
i've been single long enough to not just need a grope and a swing
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:15, archived)
# then get her really pissed
and shag her in the bushes
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
# pfft
i suggested a walk on the beach
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:18, archived)
# ah, the romantic option
it's going the long way round, but she'll think you're a gentleman. don't be too well-behaved, you might make her think you don't want it
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:24, archived)
# you can get a car
through the post these days?
(I helped save b3ta! Jamnog Sardines in her eyebrows, lobsters up and down, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
# brake pads
:p
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
# oh so technically there is nothing stopping you
from driving
(I helped save b3ta! Jamnog Sardines in her eyebrows, lobsters up and down, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)
# Cor! You've lost more than a me!
I don't mean that in a nasty way, by the way. I mean it in a "Go you!" way. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Incredibly Ordinary Dave needs your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)
# heheh
i can finally gloat at my sister and my mum. it's great!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
# Seriously though
See this: www.b3ta.com/board/9500159

I thought it was a well known gag. I first heard it in 1995?!?!
(AMadDayYes, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
# yeah i didn't get that joke either...
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:19, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:36, archived)
# is it that exercise guy?
someone clue me up please?
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:37, archived)
# you grumperlumper :)
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:37, archived)
# screw u hippy!
*throws bees sellotaped to a spring tied to a squirrel at you*
www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20090606.gif
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:39, archived)
# you grumperlumper :)
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:45, archived)
# I feeling much happier now
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:48, archived)
# That took me far too long.
I'm not sure if that's good or bad...
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:24, archived)
# i like this
even though i can hear "ay, ay, calm down, calm down, ay?" in my head

'evenin all
(polished turd 404 pixels wide, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:39, archived)