Playing with my friends in a shallow river; we built dams and smoked and built a den. Then some local bullies attacked us. And there was a fucking clown and a spider-thing in the sewers.

And then we all shagged the Bird 'cos she was well fit.

And there was a Turtle for some goddam reason.

Fuck clowns.
(kitescreech still here, Sun 14 May 2017, 20:44, 2 replies)

TotP, 1982
I remember watching Top of the Pops in 1982; Culture Club were on, with their poptastic hit "Do you really want to hurt me". Boy George was like something us middle class, rural kids had never seen before.

Next day at school the conversation always drifted back to "Did you see Top of the Pops last night? Was that a boy or a girl".
(kitescreech still here, Sun 14 May 2017, 17:48, Reply)

When a skip was delivered...
...and everyone in the street came out to watch it being unloaded. I always feel a pang of sadness watching this wondrous ceremony unfold as people hurry past oblivious.
(Flare, Sat 13 May 2017, 18:22, 1 reply)

Summers at my aunt's house
Waking up to the sound of a cockerel crowing, going downstairs to find a peaceful kitchen and breakfast waiting, before a day out in the car to the lake district or the beach or even just to the shops. Having a nice time without 2 sisters and a brother screaming for attention and stressed out parents trying to cope.
Selfish, i know, but those were my happy times.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 13 May 2017, 12:03, 1 reply)

Narrow escape?
I wrote to Jim'll Fix It, begging to go on It's a Knockout after a torturous family holiday in Conway where I'd had to watch my favourite show setting up opposite our B&B in preparation for a recording the day AFTER we were to leave.

On another occasion, I wrote to Jim'll to ask him if I could do some cartooning with Rolf Harris.

Basically, I spent my childhood writing to the Beeb;s pedo kingpin, asking him to introduce me to the other pedos.
(Tstar73, Sat 13 May 2017, 0:17, 1 reply)

Not a specific memory
but memories of childhood in general

Xmas day just after you got home from mass, knowing you had the rest of the day with no religious interruptions (forced to attend church :( )

On holiday and finding a shop that had a treasure trove of toys that you dont get at home.

Speaking of which - those polystyrene planes with the little propeller at the front.

Playing out with friends and getting so exhausted you cant breathe for gasping for a drink of water.

When you are 2 and the highlight of the day is seeing the bin men in their lorry outside

Being off sick, and finally getting your head around how to load a C64 game, and knowing its all yours for the rest of the day.

Being off sick and your mum making you food whilst you play on said C64

camping in the back garden

Eating breakfast the next morning in the tent

Finding an old toy in the loft and discovering it all over again - ie scalectric

Hearing someone shout "Cartoons are on" at 5:15 on a saturday, bolting it into the front room, and watching each one hoping at the end you dont see "thats all folks" , or fist bumping and shouting "Yes" when another cartoon starts up

Getting up so early on a saturday for cartoons, that the TV schedule hasnt actually started yet. (ie girl at the blackboard test screen)

the very rare occurance your parents take you to mcdonalds. They always get a tea/coffee which just looks wrong with a burger and fries.

sitting watching casualty on a saturday knowing its 15 mins past your bedtime. So you keep as quiet as possible to stay up as long as possible

Being in bed during daylight in the summer when you can hear the kids next door still playing out

supermarkets being no bigger than the average corner shop. Yet still being able to do a weekly big shop from it

Milk delivered to the door

Ill think of more.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 12 May 2017, 18:09, 7 replies)

I did something good at sport!
The first and only time this happened. My sporting abilities were atrocious, a byword for shitty incompetence. I got to bowl at cricket. My balls were all over the place. They got walloped, which pained me quite a lot.

Then a magical thing happened. I bowled out the games teacher in a fluke so rare I assume a comet was going past. I was everyone's hero. Very briefly, until they remembered how many runs my terrible balls had cost them.
(AvocadoHenry, Fri 12 May 2017, 17:45, Reply)

I once had a question read out on BBC's Look North
It was to their nature section (they had one back in the day). I asked how slugs had babies. I can't remember the answer, but they did read it out on air and said my name. Fame...
I also wrote to Jim'll Fix It. I wanted to have a pack of maltesers but without the chocolate. They never got back to me. Probably a good thing.
( parttimebabe is almost there..., Fri 12 May 2017, 16:49, Reply)

My first wank
Listening to Apache Rose Peacock on Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I will always remeber the smell and thinking I had broken it.

When I bit of shit came out of my helmut
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 May 2017, 1:58, 1 reply)

Vacations were at a lake with rocky shores
Ma used to throw oranges out into the water and we would swim out for them.

Later I came to the conclusion that she had wished her kids were more like her dogs.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Wed 10 May 2017, 17:22, 3 replies)

Endless sunny summer holidays.
Spent sniffing petrol from Michael B's dads motorbike and browsing his extensive pornography collection.
(goatse object logged out of his other sessions on, Wed 10 May 2017, 9:24, 7 replies)

When I had just finished my GCSEs,
I was on Lyme Regis beach on a beautiful summer's night. We had all done some blue microdots, and I was fucking loving it. It then occurred to me that i had another fifty summers in my life, and I ran around screaming fifty more summers, and generally feeling euphoric. Good night that.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 10 May 2017, 3:50, 3 replies)

When I was five my family went for a holiday to Queensland.
It was two days driving to get there. On the way our caravan flipped over and smashed all over the road. We spent the night with the family of the scrap wreckers and then spent the whole holiday in a tent. It rained so heavy that our campground was under two foot of water. On the drive back there were terrible floods and we got stuck somewhere and had to sleep on the floor of a cafe waiting for the waters to subside. The raised road looked like an island in the sea. But this wasn't the best memory. During the holiday we visited the Big Pineapple, which was a pineapple farm with giant two story pineapple you could climb to the top of and look out over the pineapple plants, and I got a plastic ruler with photos on it, mainly photos of pineapples.
When I got back to school all the the other kids had ordinary wooden rulers and I had one with motherfucking pineapples on it! That was a good memory.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 10 May 2017, 2:18, 1 reply)

there was this website
with funny stories on it - happy days
(dailyllama, Wed 10 May 2017, 0:55, 2 replies)

Mrs Christie
Name not changed.

Was about 80. We went to France with her on a school trip and on one of the slides at the water park her tits flopped out.

A few weeks later when she was covering our class, one of the lads had drawn a picture of Mrs Christie with big saggy tits hanging out on a slide, on one of these roller blackboards, you know the type? Yeah you do.

When she came in and roled it down to reveal the picture...oh how we laughed.

She's well dead now. Lol
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:33, 1 reply)

Widnes vs Warrington
At Wilderspool stadium in Warrington.

I must have been...7 or 8 I can't rightly remeber. I used to play a lot of Rugby League for various Widnes teams and Cheshire and at one time Great Britain. But I digress.

There was always and still is quite a severe rivalry between Widnes and Wanky wanker wanky Warrington. This match had hardly started probably a2 or 3 minutes into the game when if course it all kicks off. Fights on the pitch, fights in the stadium. I can just see a sea of legs and men rolling around on the floor. When my dad grabs me and pitches me over the over the counter to the pie and tea shop, down comes the shutter and the nice young lady behind there supplies me with a hot pie and some chocolate. The noises coming from the other side of the shutter were inhuman.

Eventually there is a knock on the shutter. All seems calm. There's my dad, minus a couple of teeth big stupid grin on his face telling me it's time to leave.

Ah those were the days.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:30, Reply)

I don't have any childhood memories
Now that I think about it, that's a little worrying.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:19, 1 reply)

I applied to go on Jim'll Fix It
Thank fuck I didn't get through
(LetsGetDownToIt, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:22, 2 replies)

goldfish
When I was about 8 years old I entered a colouring competition and every child who entered received a goldfish family, mummy, daddy and baby (two big, one small). The goldfish were hand delivered to my home one night (yes, really), in their plastic bag of water, and I was rather chuffed. Unfortunately, I hadn't told my parents that I had entered this competition, so mad scramble to find a bowl to put them in, and then the next day off to the shops to find a suitable home for my little family.
I wasn't allowed to enter any more competitions.......
Also, we had a huge mulberry tree, so I always got to keep the silkworms over the school holidays. Many nights listening to the flutter of moth wings in the cardboard container with the plastic top. Also picking the mulberries when they were ripe and having the juice run down your arm, on clothes, faces.... we all ended up looking like victims of a mass slaughter..good times.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Tue 9 May 2017, 2:35, Reply)

Humour = tragedy + time
Sure I have plenty of childhood happy memories ( I had my own spacehopper for christsakes), but that isn't interesting. Instead here is something that is funny in hindsight.

I was in the same detention as a girl who drew a penis on my shirt. For going around school with a penis on my shirt.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 8 May 2017, 20:10, Reply)

My older sister was being a bitch.
No memory of what she was giving me shit about, just that she was being an asshole, lying on the couch with her head on a pillow. Being six years older, she felt that she could give me shit with impunity.

So five year old me, who has been watching Superman, does a flying leap with both fists extended, just like Superman. Two little fists land on either side of her nose.

She had to go to school with two black eyes.
( Wanderer, Mon 8 May 2017, 19:55, Reply)

i remember getting my first pair of roller boots
i was so happy, skating around all over the place.
that is, until i got shagpile carpet wound round one of the wheels, went arse over tit and broke my arm.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:36, 6 replies)

I have 4 Blue Peter Badges which I'm pretty sure means I win. Feel free to close QOTW again for another few months.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:34, Reply)

oh great, first the newsletter comes back and then this.
Why can't you just let b3ta die with dignity?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:34, Reply)

I remember when weeks used to be seven days long. Of course, that was pre-decimalisation.
Kids today with your four month weeks, you don't know you're born.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:13, Reply)

I dun a shit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:07, 2 replies)

I remember being first on a moribund website

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:05, 4 replies)