Huntingdon Life Sciences eat your heart out
Back when I was a second year student (and hence broke), I tried earning a bit of money in the summer holiday by working in a lab. I had to go through a number of interviews with funny questions, which seemed odd for what I thought would be a couple of months of just scribbling things down on clipboards, but it became clear when I realised I'd inadvertently entered the world of animal testing. It turned out that I wasn't actually expected to force feed beagles or sellotape rabbits' eyes open though (just scribble things down on clipboards), so was just happy to have a source of income, and happily embarked on a summer of walking round a non-descript building in Aylesbury with a white coat and an attitude. I should also point out that I wasn't involved in the production of cosmetics or beauty products, but just looking at the effects of various narcotics on rodents, which is where my misdemeanour comes in.

About a week and a half before my employment was due to end, I was tasked with dosing our test subjects with MDMA. Being of low scruples at the time, but not inclined to major pilferage, I reasoned that a single vial of what I knew was 100% pure (and therefore "safe") ecstasy probably wouldn't be missed, and managed to swipe one for myself, substituting an empty from an old experiment so the number in the rack was correct. As it turned out, I was nearly rumbled when the stupid animals all decided to spazz out from the tiny dose they were given, apart from the poor bugger I'd deprived of his hit. Luckily it was written off as a statistical anomaly, and my supervisor never realised he was actually a non-E mouse.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:11, 12 replies)

Damn!
You had me right to the very end.

Grudging click.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:22, closed)

SPANG
SPANG






SPANG
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:23, closed)

Oh
Christ. Spang!

Have a *click*
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:24, closed)

You got me...
I thought it was going to be about getting an anonymous threat!

My only problem is that is Huntingdon in Cambridgeshire, and not Aylesbury?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:28, closed)

Ah, no
I wasn't claiming to have worked there, it was just a vaguely animal testing-related Subject that seemed to fit.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:17, closed)

*click*
well done!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:30, closed)

That was very nicely done

( Bazongaloid, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:55, closed)

Dayum mu-fuh!
You had me RIGHT to the end - I was just getting all misty-eyed about getting hold of samples of pure E for naught.

Bastard.

Have this by way of congratulation - Leftfield - Inspection Check One - live at Homelands:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNi1mtFhaic
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:07, closed)

ha, you bugger
I was just about to post about the complete impossibility of pilfering drugs in these situations (you wouldn't believe the security when "recreational" drugs are used for tests) and you drop in the pun of death at the end.

well played.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:29, closed)

You're right on the security front.....
We were testing an incarnation of the drug fentanyl to stop them eing abused by addicts. The collection and physical destruction of the control drug and development drug had to be witnesed by three independant people. I've never seen that before, not even with a cannabis mouthspray, but thats a different story!
(sunray18, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 19:35, closed)

Aye, a couple of the labs I've worked in
had people doing various dose response tests, including one on THC and one on cocaine. fuck me, you'd have thought they had the american "red button" in there. No-one allowed in the lab alone. Active drug kept in a simultaneous double-key safe. Records kept of weight and usage to 5 dp's of a gram. Impressive.

Also, legally purchased pure cocaine is £200 a gram, interestingly. Or it was 10 years ago.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 17:16, closed)

That was very well written.
Now just hold still as this frying pan makes it's way towards your head.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 23:22, closed)