I know my rights
A mate of mine, A, spanned a gap between careers with a little supply teaching. Now A is a startlingly tall chap, 6 foot 10 if I recall, and therefore quite imposing. But this didn't stop one Asbo-in-training from continuously disrupting his classes and causing trouble.

Eventually, A's patience wore thin, and he hauled the lad up -- and up -- and up -- by the collar and made sure he understood that he was one more interruption away from a sound thrashing.

"You can't touch me," said the little scrote, feet waving in mid-air. "Teachers aren't allowed to hit their pupils, you'll get in trouble. I know my rights!"

"You know, that's true. Teachers aren't allowed to hit the kids. But you know what? I'm not a teacher. I'm just filling in a couple of months, and frankly I don't care if I never go into a classroom again. So go ahead, if you want to see how far you can push it..."

Apparently, the rest of the job went without a hitch.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 13:44, 45 replies)

The only way he could control children was through physical intimidation?
Next time you see 'A', would you mind telling him that the internet thinks he's fucking weak? Thanks awfully.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 13:48, closed)

that's not true
The readers of Mail Online will think he's a hero.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 13:56, closed)

The student was a muslim?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 13:58, closed)

and on benefits too.

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:14, closed)

Bollocks
Kids are little shits, and generally need telling. They need to know who's boss. Physically dominating them is just par for the course. CF the whole animal kingdom.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:33, closed)

Well I'm glad we have a renowned expert in child psychology and evolution to put us right.
Everybody stop what you're doing and ignore the last forty years of teaching research and practice.

Wait a minute ... wait a minute ... wait a minute ... no ... it's just a clueless internaut. Sorry. As you were, men.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:44, closed)

Oh yes! that last forty years of teaching research and practice has got us where exactly?

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:37, closed)

Record level passes?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:45, closed)

Bollocks!

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:49, closed)

Consistently improving results by practically every objective measure.
Admittedly, everybody went stark staring bonkers for a couple of years in the 1980s ... whether you want to blame that on PEECEE GONE MAD! or on Kenneth Baker's obsession with reform for the sake of reform is up to you.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 16:09, closed)

Plenty of research suggests otherwise.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11929277
www.renlearn.co.uk/about-us/230-literacy-in-the-uk-are-children-being-allowed-to-fail
www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6064835
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 16:44, closed)

Oh dear.
From the first link: "The results for the UK's teenagers have not declined significantly across these years, says the OECD - it is more the case that they have failed to keep up with the improvements of pupils in other countries."

The second link is research about children's reading preferences and even with the Torygraph gloomspin has nothing to say about the quality of their education.

The third link is the same story as the first link.

I suppose you have provided one piece of evidence of a declining standard of education by being shit at basic internet research. But since we don't know when you were educated or how thick you are, we can't really draw any firm conclusions from that.

Research != banging obvious phrases into google and then pasting the results without reading them
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 16:56, closed)

Er...you said 'Consistently improving results by practically every objective measure'. So that doesn't include being measured against other countries then? I would have thought that would be a very important measure myself.

As for "The results for the UK's teenagers have not declined significantly across these years, says the OECD - it is more the case that they have failed to keep up with the improvements of pupils in other countries." - this doesn't exactly tell a story of 'Consistently improving results by practically every objective measure' does it? Perhaps the next para will help you "The UK's performance is about average," says the OECD's Michael Davidson. "The question is whether the UK thinks that 'average' is good enough?"

As I said, loads more research out there. Take a look for yourself.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:28, closed)

I'd love to continue this discussion
but you appear to be a cock.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:55, closed)

Works for me.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:59, closed)

Aye
We have little geniuses who don't know the difference between 'of' and 'have', who can't work out (unless they have a calculator) that if they spend £3.45 out of a fiver, they'll have £1.55 left, who write 'are' instead of 'our', 'more bigger', 'most biggest', 'most best', don't know where France (or even Wales) is.

Teach them just what they need to know to pass their exams and fuck anything else, we have to get the school's ratings up...

Standards have gone through the roof. Sorry, did I say roof? I meant floor.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 20:51, closed)

At least they can type "daily mail" without somehow hitting the keys 'b' '3' 't' and 'a'.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 22:07, closed)

Don't waste your time, these state-school plebs believe everything they read in the tabloids.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 0:31, closed)

dilymil?

(Spill, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 9:26, closed)

tee hee

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 9:46, closed)

Oh you awful shit.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 9:48, closed)

You speak for the whole internet now?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:43, closed)

It saves time and tantrums.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:44, closed)

Alrite Emvee
Cunt
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:54, closed)

6/10 must try harder
You managed to copy my name and sig, but you mis-spelt "all right"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:42, closed)

If you carry on like this we could have another falling out
It's all one way effort at the moment, I don't think I've got the strength to make this work.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 16:51, closed)

I'm delighted to disappoint you

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:08, closed)

Right, that's it
I swear to God I'll fucking do time for you, you cunt
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 20:44, closed)

Are you someone I've slighted in "real life"?
Or are you just some sort of random internet spastic?

I only ask because I like to keep score.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 8:46, closed)

I don't entirely agree.
My mother quit her job of 30 years as a science teacher because of the "I know my rights" ASBO-cunts.

My mum was a damned good teacher, and hundreds of kids missed out on her knowledge thanks to these pricks. If they could have been given a damned good thrashing by the headmaster, perhaps my mother would have felt she had something left in her arsenal?
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:18, closed)

A common story among teachers unfortunately.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:24, closed)

I agree.
Bring back the birch! It's a well-known fact that kids will learn nothing unless they're systematically thrashed to within an inch of their lives.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:49, closed)

It does rather sound like this particular "ASBO cunt"
knew his rights better than the part-time oik who was supposed to be teaching him. He might well have been a proper little shit, but the person more likely to get an ASBO is the one who had such a weak character that he resorted to physical violence in a classroom. If that's how the lanky cunt resolves his issues with children, what does he do when adults disagree with him? Probably pisses his extra-long trousers.

The evidence for the effectiveness of corporal punishment in schools is scant to the point of invisibility. It's a shame your mum left education, but twatting kids wouldn't have helped anybody.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 16:14, closed)

Maybe you're right,
but teachers have been left powerless in recent years to exclude, punish or even educate certain pupils.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:01, closed)

Those are the ones we should sell to the arabs as sex slaves.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:06, closed)

Could it be (God forbid) that they're just not up to the task?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:15, closed)

Well, just to wade in with my 10p
It's true, twatting a kid doesn't help.

My Mum had to leave teaching after she assaulted a pupil.

She says she just snapped - kid came at her, she lost her temper and slapped him. The slap wasn't the assault (that was self-defence, apparently). The assault was when she booted him up the arse as he was walking away.

Now I'm not condoning this in any way - she *should* have used her teaching-fu to calm the situation down. But she didn't - she was stressed and harassed (and quite-frankly often scared of some of the larger pupils).
( rofl harris, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 17:11, closed)

'twatting a kid doesn't help'
Perhaps not but from reading your description of what happened it is piss funny. Hoofed the kid right up the backside - brilliant.

Except for the premature end to her career part, that bit wasn't so great.
( Pig Bodine., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 12:46, closed)

Quite possibly he was controlling the other 30 kids in the class, and all the kids in his other classes, without physical intimidation. That wouldn't make a good qotw post though.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:27, closed)

Maybe the good Dr has forgotten his years as a pupil
When I went to school I'd've given a lot to see some of the disruptive shites around me given a good slap.

Violent, vicious little bastards like that are uncontrollable through other means because they have no respect for anything BUT physical intimidation - sad but true.

Meanwhile they ruin the education of their classmates and the good teachers end up either leaving the school or the profession.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 11:27, closed)

Sad but true?
Sad but bollocks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:35, closed)

I'm guessing that the rest of the job went find because it lasted until the end of the day.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:45, closed)

Nothing like a bit of assault in place of proper discipline, eh?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:48, closed)

it certainly worked
Before they abolished corporal punishment. Not a single child put a foot wrong whilst the threat of the came was there. In fact they abolished it because it was never used.
It's the truth.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 18:46, closed)

Aaaannnnnd...
...it's stories like this that remind me I did the right thing by not applying to become a teacher.
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 0:05, closed)