The B3tan Republics of England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and London
Okay, here's my dream for the UK's future, and yes, I am a raving mad socialist. So shoot me.

1. The four nations of the United Kingdom and the city of London shall become politically and economically independent from each other, but shall be compelled to enter a free trade arrangement with each other.

2. Each nation will be compelled to have a written constitution, and any changes to said constitutions must be approved via a public referendum.

3. The monarchy shall be completely abolished, and the majority of their property and wealth shall be taken into the public domain.

4. All industries that employ more than 1% of the population or are considered essential to the functioning of the country (e.g. public transport) shall be nationalised.

5. The nations, particularly England because of its size and population, shall be compelled to use a federal system of government and devolve extensive powers to local communities.

I'm going to leave it to you guys to draft the constitutions of these new nations, and to add anything you'd like to see in your particular B3tan republic.

Update: the position of Media Secretary for England shall be decided by a fight to the death between Katie Hopkins and Russell Brand.
(a humble reindeer herder serial milk-drinker, compulsive liar., Sun 26 Apr 2015, 19:41, 8 replies)

I remember being 17 too.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 20:06, closed)

Haha
^that
( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 22:24, closed)

You'd nationalise the construction industry?

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 20:29, closed)

And the hospitality industry?

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 20:32, closed)

and agriculture
Woohoo!
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 20:57, closed)

Don't forget the coal mines
And the textile mills
And the steel mills
And the car factories
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 6:35, closed)

like we have any of those any more

(lol man river definite greek god, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 12:25, closed)

Yup

(a humble reindeer herder serial milk-drinker, compulsive liar., Sun 26 Apr 2015, 20:59, closed)

Sounds great!
Are you American?

*I'm ignoring number 4 because a) it doesn't fit my joke and b) it's funny enough to be a joke on it's own.
(cli_que, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 21:17, closed)

You want to break up the union, then implement a federal system in each of the resulting nations?
I'm all for big government, but that's ridiculous.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 26 Apr 2015, 21:32, closed)

Sounds like you'll be keeping the airports busy
With lots of one way flights out
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 7:16, closed)

oh lord, you pretending to be a non dom right wing newspaper owner publishing their self-interest headlines.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 11:19, closed)

i would be GOOD at that
i like puns
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 12:16, closed)

I like how you focus on this aspect of it.

(McChinaman banned, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 13:21, closed)

ELTON FINALLY TAKES DAVID UP THE AISLE
was a good one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 15:10, closed)

If you've the mentality of a stereotypical football hooligan, I'd imagine that's hilarious.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 15:52, closed)

SHIT GROUND, NO FANS
SHIT GROUND, NO FANS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Apr 2015, 8:42, closed)

Clarkson for PM, m8

( $$ ✅, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 8:12, closed)

Good thing you suck, so this won't happen!

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 27 Apr 2015, 10:32, closed)