She went off to pee
In my unmarried days, I had a very short purple patch where everything went well with the ladies - just got contact lenses, a fancy job and a certain swagger (in that order).

Cutting to the chase, after a few false starts I managed to find my way into the bed chamber of a very pretty young temp who was working at our office. She was very keen indeed as she led me by the hand to her bedroom. I noticed that she had it all planned out and even had a condom on her bedside cabinet neatly arranged amongst her other things.

The sex was not as good as I had imagined - much awkwardness all round - but I was a most perturbed by her attitude the second that the deed had been done. She leapt out of bed then rushed to the bathroom saying that she needed to pee. On the way she handed me box of tissues and a plastic beaker of water. "Quick, " said she, "dip your penis in that."

Is that normal?
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:07, 17 replies)

Get out.
AND DON'T COME BACK!
Unless you're going to clean up that purple patch.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:18, closed)

You are SaraCrewe's significant other.
AICMFP
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:19, closed)

she was going to drink it after you left

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:20, closed)

That Mums Net has lot to answer for!
( Vambo, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:22, closed)

Oh, you sound charming.
Very entitled. I was beyond furious. My DD has ASD you know.
(ubergeekian, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 18:51, closed)

It's like another language over there.
More than once I've been tempted to sign up and start inventing new acronyms just to confuse the hell out of them
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 18:58, closed)

I'm sure there is some reason for this, but
it's a girl talk thing, I'm rather foggy about it. I have heard something along the lines of women should take a slash after sex.

Not sure of it applies if you used a johnny though.
(username failed moderation, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:32, closed)

Clearing up the spooge is always a good idea (no one likes it when it drips on the sheets)
but leaping out of bed immediately after the deed is a "Carrie's mum" level of freaky.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:55, closed)

I think the claim is
that it helps the lady not get a UTI, and that it's good to do whether you were wearing a knobtrouser or not.

If she was a person who gets urine track infections a lot, she was doing herself a massive favor, because those are shit.

The beaker part is weird- I'll have to second what Smash Monkey said as it makes the most sense.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:31, closed)

I think it's that plus any spermatazoa which may be present.
So for paternity suits and general sexual health it's worth checking.
I'm wondering why it's not normal to exchange medical information.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 18:55, closed)

Totally enjoying the teenage virgin chat on here this week.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 11:37, closed)

'a condom' ... singular? Wild nights indeed.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:53, closed)

Most folk don't stop to make balloon animals halfway through.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 22:45, closed)

Then most folk are idiots.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 9:19, closed)

She re-enters the bedroom, a wild look in her eye.
"I really enjoyed being your very last", she says with a screech of maniacal laughter, dancing around the room.

The water turns out to be acid.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 18:53, closed)

YOU ARE DEAD!
Start Again From Page One.
Page One. You are standing in front of a mirror, getting ready for your night out. If you comb your hair, turn to page 52. If you pluck your eyebrows, turn to page 5.
(searlichek, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 10:46, closed)

Isn't this like the joke -
A bloke staying at a sunny resort decides to do a bit of nuddy sun-bathing.
It's no big surprise that he gets burnt "top to toe". Of course his sunburnt penis is in immense pain. That night at the bar he mentions this to the barman who tells him of an ancient remedy - the barman tells him to dip his penis in a glass of milk to soothe the pain. Which the bloke races upstairs to do.
After returning to the barman and thanking him the fella spies a pretty young blonde lady. They get chatting, hit it off and eventually the lucky man leaves with her to return to her room to knock boots. Which they do. Repeatedly. Which leaves the blokes burnt todger slightly the worse for wear.
In the middle of the night the bloke wakes up in pain. He seeks out a glass and the milk in her kitchen and attempts to relieve his pain.
She walks in and seeing him with his dick in a glass of milk proclaims - "I've always wondered how you refill those things."
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 11:50, closed)