Buzzword Bingo - a spotter's guide
I've been collecting buzzword bingo calls in my little black book. I've genuinely heard all of these in meetings and conferences down the years, mostly from people completely unaware they were spouting pure, undiluted bollocks.

See how many you can fit into everyday conversation before people beat you up for being an annoying cunt:

- Crown jewel products
- Holistic metadata functionality
- Best in breed & Best in show
- Rear-view mirrorism
- Windscreen-wiper view
- Hockey stick curve
- Stapling blancmange to the ceiling
- Top hat product
- Standard bearers of enthusiasm
- Death by Powerpoint
- Whistlestop tour of our prime assets
- Change evangelists
- Dripping tap communications
- Go-to person
- Corrugated iron product
- Meat and two veg products
- Solutioneering

And the immortal: "This business is not just a sausage factory – we're the whole hotdog stand"
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:56, 15 replies)

i hate
that kind of shit. the one in my office is "This is just World Class Plus A Star"
(Hernandez Fiendish probably won't be here until at least, say, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:59, closed)

My boss was once talking about "Making a rod for my own back".
One day I actually did.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:00, closed)

Solution opportunities

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:03, closed)

I must admit I use "whistle stop tour" quite a lot when training, to indicate that it's just a quick overview in places. We have a similar game called bullshit bingo which a friend used to play in meetings, and called "HOUSE" when enough of these things we said.
(mr_spongmonkey, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:10, closed)

humm
I'm guilty of using "death by powerpoint" but I was in college and the teacher used to show us 100 pages powerpoint. We were all ready to claw our eyes out with a spoon come page 8.
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:15, closed)

I once presented 250 slides
Not my fault - someone else had written it and I was just the poor stooge who got sent to the meeting.

Two people fell asleep. One person feigned sickness and asked to leave. I myself lost my voice on the last 50 slides.

At the end of the meeting, I actually apologised.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 16:59, closed)

My favourite was one used every briefing session by our manager when I worked at PC world.
"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail"
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 13:27, closed)

may be buzzword shite
but quite a lot of the time is certainly true
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 13:45, closed)

Lucky escape
Had a guy employed to be our manager and he was bloody useless.
Fortunately he didn't last the 3 month probation period and quit (i.e. was 'encouraged' to leave) citing things like he didn't have our respect (well that has to be earned) and that we all had hidden agendas (no, I think you'll find that was work that we had to get done)

He loved his buzzwords and phrases too, rattled off far too many for me to remember (some of which you've listed) but the favourites in the office were:
"We'll go down that road, but they'll have to lay the tarmac first"
"Well it's a one-way street but the traffics going both ways"
"Two heads are better than one, even if one's a sheeps head"
No-one could quite work out what the hell he meant with the last one...
( GigerPunk has, hopefully, slept since, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 14:42, closed)

Most of those
boggle me.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 16:22, closed)

I keep hearing about The Seven Ps
Please Poke Peculiar Protuberances with a Pin Prior to Purchasing. Or something like that.
(square go, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 20:01, closed)

Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Still, better than 6-Sigma, 4th-party control towers and "if you don't add value, I'll add my boot to your arse".
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 21:46, closed)

Proper
Planning
and
Preperation
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 21:30, closed)

Alternatively: Proper Planning & Preparation
Prevents
Piss &
Poo in
Pants?

/childishness
(square go, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 22:14, closed)

I'm a Civil Servant
...and every day we gather around the Performance Board to confirm that we're 'on board' with the Pacesetter Principle, and if there are any concerns we have to put them on the Three C's before making sure our desks all comply with the Five S's.

I wish I was making this up.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 7:47, closed)