A massive coincidence has just occurred.
One of the guys who gave me a fuckton of grief at school has just tried to add me on Facebook. Considering the man was dimmer than a brown dwarf, how he is using a computer is beyond me.

Any suggestions on precisely how I should tell him to fuck off?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:03, 19 replies)

Shit
in his internet
(Seebeedee, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:04, closed)

just like that
short and to the point.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:05, closed)

If he's that dumb...
...then try to use as few syllables as possible lest you confuse him.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:10, closed)

Right... is this vitriolic enough?
The message I sent, I mean...

"How you have the fucking gall to even consider adding me on here when you think about the shit you put me through at school quite frankly beggars belief. Why you think I would even be interested in your sad excuse for a life mystifies me. Fuck you, fuck your Mother, and the horse you both rode in on.

Don't even consider trying to add me again on here or attempting to contact me in future."

Incidentally, his mother died some years ago due to alcoholism.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:40, closed)

Too many syllables...
...just stick with "YM".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:43, closed)

.
It makes you sound a little bit bitter.

Better to pretend to be your secretary.

"Dear Sir, I am managing Piston's accounts whilst he is away on business. However he has advised me that he does not wish to have you added as friend on Facebook. Thank you for your time".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:44, closed)

shit dude
Now you're in trouble. He'll get the bigger boys on to you.
( rofl harris, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:46, closed)

Add him
Then spam him to shit. Cover his fb wall in filthy slurs about a) his manhood b) his dead mother. Then publicly tell him to fuck off. Then start a group called x is a cunt. Then a fansite for the group. Then arrange an event called x is a cunt.
(Paper_clip You are hearing me talk, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, closed)

I'm too bloody lazy for all of that.
But if you want to, he's called Nathan Ledger and is on the Sheffield network.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, closed)

Here he is.
www.facebook.com/s.php?q=Nathan+Ledger&n=67109173&k=400000000010&sf=nf&init=q&sid=957172bc3f6f71cc823371ba5a0f04f3

I must say i've lost my nerve, not sure what to write.
(Paper_clip You are hearing me talk, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:29, closed)

Well this is what I sent him.
I hear that you are a bullying cunt. Hope it was worth it, and that heaps of other friends of the guy you chose to take your own penis-anxiety out on also mess up your page. Sucks to be you...like reverse deja-vu (look it up).
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Thu 14 May 2009, 11:51, closed)

Dear fuckwad
I'm so glad you got in touch because it saves me the trouble of tracking down your mum again. She REALLY needs to get down to the clinic toot sweet. Be a dear and pass the message on will you.
(Falco, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, closed)

Say 'fuck off' to him.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:35, closed)

"Fuck off" doesn't quite have the power
Try: "Fucking fucking fucking fuck off. You fucker."
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 13 May 2009, 19:01, closed)

And ofcourse end it with a full-capital
FUCK!
(Obsidian, Thu 14 May 2009, 12:47, closed)

Add him
Then search his profile for an email address, and subscribe him to all the wierd porn stuff you can (or those internet quizzes to win an iPod, they're full of spam).

If he's sad enough, he will then complain to people about the recent influx of freaky emails.

Then kill his daughter/son with a rusty chisel.
(Stu in the hat is frothing at the gash, Wed 13 May 2009, 19:56, closed)

be glad
someone on earth wants to talk to you?
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 14 May 2009, 6:25, closed)

Too late now.
But....Add him. Befriend him. Be his best internet buddy. Find out his dirty little secrets AND TELL THE INTERNET!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 14 May 2009, 12:36, closed)

Honesty is the best policy
Joking apart, just message back saying: "You were foul to me when we were at school. I have no wish to remain in contact with you."
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 14 May 2009, 14:40, closed)