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This is a question Bullshit and Bullshitters

We've had questions about lies and liars in the past, but this time we're asking about the sort of fantasist who constantly claims they've got a helicopter in the garden or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian Embassy siege". Tell us about the cobblers you've been told, or the complete lies you've come out with.

Thanks to dozer for the suggestion

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 12:55)
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god botherers
So, no one knows what happens when we snuff it. The overwhelming likelihood is not very much. Ever been unconscious?

But no – when offered an incomprehensible, inconceivable jumble of superstitions, fairy tales and bogeyman stories rewritten recycled and Chinese whispered down the ages by control freaks and charlatans - you are CERTAIN beyond all doubt that despite all the vast wonder of all existence there is a creator, who (while having a universe to run) is obsessed with your every move thought and action. Oh and you can wish for stuff too.

An all powerful intangible invisible friend and protector – sounds pretty cool. You must be immune to all illness, earthquakes and injury then. No?

Our essential natural urges are shameful and evil?

Your creator is jealous, intolerant, violent, vindictive, spiteful, pernicious and vengeful – but he loves you?

I should terrify my tiny innocent child with assurances this invisible character is waiting in the shadows to punish him for questioning any of this whilst conversely insisting he only deals in truth and that ghosts and goblins are just camp fire tales?

You insist you require no proof for this but continually strive to find bolt-on bits and bobs of science that support your crackpot ideas - the same science that you continually deny.

If my crackpot jumble of superstitions varies even slightly from yours we should devote all our energies to annihilation in a manner that contradicts the few worthwhile parts of your crazy code of divine conduct?

We have the technology to split the atom and unravel DNA but your preference is to split humanity into one half who believe dinosaurs were a prank and another half who believes women should be bundled up and passed around like parcels by men who think it’s a splendid idea to chop off rather crucial bits of anatomy.

We see ourselves as an advanced civilisation yet it was twenty or so years after landing a man on the moon before we realised wheels on a suitcase might be helpful.

Doesn’t bode well does it?
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 14:31, 21 replies)
I am the messiah. And I'm a very naughty boy*!

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices may vary.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 14:44, closed)
You just want to take the magic out of everything
...because ignorance and subservience to bronze-age myths is, you know, "magic".
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 14:49, closed)
this planet is fucked.
accept it, sit back and enjoy the ride while it lasts.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 15:07, closed)
the planet's fine, it's mankind that's fucked.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 16:24, closed)
That's true enough
We'd have to try really fucking hard to wipe out all other life on the planet - we could barely manage a KT, let alone an end-Permian and the planet coped just fine with both of those.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 16:42, closed)
i enjoyed hearing george carlin on this.
one day the earth's gonna shake us off like a case of fleas.
in fact we're probably only here because the planet wanted plastic to add to the mix...
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 17:09, closed)
George Carlin was a genius
I once shared a flat with his nephew, who wasn't.

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 17:17, closed)
what? you mean i bought those cyanide pills for nothing?

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 19:34, closed)
yeah, a waste of cash dude!
just wait a few hundred years and we'll probably all be dead...
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 19:46, closed)
Misanthropic and Nihilistic...
Me likey.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 15:09, closed)
but mostly for the suitcase bit.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 15:30, closed)

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 15:36, closed)

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 15:39, closed)
^What she said^

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 16:14, closed)
I was literally thinking the same

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 16:56, closed)
wheels on suitaces
are primarily useful if the paving is nice and flat. This phenomenon became more widespread after the moon landings.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 17:24, closed)
I agree with you.
However I've recently gone the other way with it and decided that there is a God but he doesn't just get mad about murder and rape and so on, but absolutely everything. In his eyes forgetting to rewind a tape will see you burning for all eternity as much as would an afternoon of genocide and bumming. So don't be afraid; you can't win!
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 17:04, closed)
Catholic then?

(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 18:45, closed)
Except about the suitcases on wheels. I live in London.

FUCK PEOPLE WHO HAVE SUITCASES ON WHEELS the gun-rampage-provoking shit for brain get in my way cunts. Invariably the same people who stick you in the eyes with umbrellas.
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:50, closed)
An anti-religion rant?
Wow, I've never seen one of those here before.
(, Wed 19 Jan 2011, 0:20, closed)
A withering reply on b3ta?
Wow, I've never seen one of those here before.....

sorry - could'nt resist it! :D
(, Wed 19 Jan 2011, 16:03, closed)

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