Baby talk.
And no, I don't mean from small kids, I mean baby talk coming from supposed adults.

I've known more than one adult woman who, when she was trying to be "cute" and "bubbly" would deliberately start using baby talk, Sandwiches became "sammiches", spaghetti became "sketty" and so on. Their speech would become full of childish distortions, mixed with a sort of Valley Girl delivery.

For fuck's sake, pronounce the words correctly, you festering cunt. Hearing baby talk come from a woman in her thirties is enough to make me nauseous.
( Wanderer, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:45, 10 replies)

Yes this.
I entirely agree. What the fuck are you implying, woman - that I'm a paedo?!

Especially when it's used to try and get something "Cun Oi hevv a wikkle dwinky pweeeeese?"

It's not cute, it's not sexy, its not attractive in any way.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:50, closed)

My favoured response
is the Flat What.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:00, closed)

A few years back I dated a German lady
who believed she spoke fluent English, e.g. using 'water cooking machine' when she meant 'kettle'.

If she needed to void her bladder or bowels, her stock phrase was 'I need to use the potty'. She was convinced that this, while colloquial, was in widespread use by adults.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:06, closed)

*steals 'water cooking machine'*

( Bob Todd whee, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:09, closed)

ARRRRGH!
That reminds me of another one that makes me see red- when I have to find a bathroom and someone refers to it as "the little boys' room". Completely creeps me out every time.
( Wanderer, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:11, closed)

I bet that they were all parents
When you have little ones you spend so much time talking like that to them, you end up doing when they are not around.

There has been many a time at work when I have pronounced that I am off for a weewee.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:15, closed)

I had an argument with a GUY for doing this...
And he became really annoyed and said 'yeah, well what's wrong with me doing it, you say things funny sometimes, why is it okay for you and not me?'
Answer? BECAUSE IM DEAF YOU CUNT, I have to GUESS how a word sounds based on the lip movements required to say it, this sometimes means I'll get it wrong, but I still manage better than you with your obnoxious use of 'hospicle'!
(Kimberelli is addicted to the shiny little magnets..., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 6:47, closed)

What a great comeback!
Bet he died on the spot!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:29, closed)

Sammich is a perfectly valid word.
Dean Martin said it, as do I. My mate says 'Sangers', the bellend.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:32, closed)

I find that the English do this a lot.
It's "vodka", not "voddies." It's "breakfast", not "brekker". It's "Christmas", not "Crimbo". It's "sandwich", not "sarnies". It's tea, not "cuppa".

I'll leave out the negative stereotyping that this results in, as that was last week's QOTW.

(Sorry if I sound especially irritable this morning. We had a storm last night and my broken ankle is not responding well.)
( Wanderer, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:12, closed)