This question's more suited to me than even the one about my job two weeks ago
Just this morning at work I abused the acoustics to fart the opening few bars to Smoke On The Water. With enough practise I aim to get Led Zeppelin's Heartbreaker down by the end of the year. (I tried Highway Star once and nearly followed through.)

I have a habit of implying that someone has a hole in the top, or a loose button, and then flicking their nose when they look down. Yet I'm still bemused that the only time I'm called an adult is when I'm in court...
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:45, Reply)

Splash
A couple of years ago when I was on my way to work, I did a bad thing. It was raining heavily so I took the tube and when I got out I was trying to get to work (and the dry!) as fast as I could.

Unfortunately, at a narrow bit of the pavement where there was some building work I got stuck behind a really large woman who had decided that she, and anyone behind her, had all the time in the world to get to where they were going.

All very lovely for her but I was getting wetter and wetter. I wasn't happy.

Then, at the point the narrow part widened out, I was able to pass her and this is where the bad thing happened.

As I was about to pass the slow fat woman, I noticed there was a puddle. It was right where my foot was about to fall.

So I put my foot down rather forcibly in the puddle and splashed her.

Yes, it was childish and probably unjustified but it felt good.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:33, Reply)

a lovely lass i knew
whenever we went to bed i'd send her up first then open the bedroom door and anounce, 'I've come to check your plumbing love.' As i tried to unblock her pipes with my drain rod i'd sing the music from a classic 70s porn movie. It was fun but pointless.
(Discreditor wants the dream to come true, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:31, Reply)

I work as a punt chauffeur in cambridge
I have a great laugh trying to fit in at least one ridiculous fact per tour. For example:

On being asked if it will be cold on the punt, telling them that the river has a constant microclimate of around 27 degrees about 3 ft above the water.

Pointing out ridiculous items of interest such as "worlds largest bonzai tree"

Generally making up facts like "This building is where the word 'lackadaisical' was invented, after a 2 year project involving every major academic in Cambridge at the time"

And of course, being a Cambridge resident, whenever a tourist asks me where the university is, I point them in the direction of the nearest Maccy D's. (The "University" doesn't actually exist, it's just the umbrella term for the seperate colleges)

In a slightly related note, the only time I've ever been questioned was when I was telling the truth; Lord Byron did at one time genuinely keep a black bear chained outside his dorm room, which I guess is taking childish pranks to the extreme.
(JosefK, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:29, 6 replies)

I ran round the woods wearing my Sumo suit with my dogs
and got my mate to video me. It's on youtube.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:28, 2 replies)

Sudden Death
Whenever there is a TV show that has a 'Sudden Death' round me and my brother pretend to suddenly die, using sound effects and arm flailing. Im 21, my brother is 18.
(applysomepressure, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:14, Reply)

go the the homeware section in tesco...
set all the cooking timers...

pretend i am marty mcfly and i'm late for school
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:09, Reply)

I drive, a lot..
So, inevitably, I get stuck in traffic jams quite often. I find it hugely amusing making stupid faces at obviously bored children in other cars as I pass them or they pass me. It's brilliant seeing them smile, even better is when they try to tell mum or dad and I'm sat there with a deliberately serious face as mum or dad look over.

Just because I'm 40 doesn't mean I'm a grown up yet..
(ceeej, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:09, 1 reply)

The most childish thing I've done as an adult
Your Mum!
(Adaminho, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:00, Reply)

I wrote on the underside of a toilet cistern
"You're facing the wrong way."
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:54, Reply)

I was surveying a roof in a Museum a few weeks ago
They had boxes full of cool old stuff.

One was a box of old magazines about model making, looked like they were from the 50s.

I spotted one on the top of an open box with an advert for "CLIMAX drill sharpeners" so took a photo and sent it to all my mates with no explanation other than LOL.
( thistle, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:49, Reply)

Wheezy Girlfriend.
Not long ago I sat on top of my girlfriend(now ex, so ladies form an orderly queue please), held her mouth closed and put my mouth over her nose and blew down it. I wanted to see if she made the same wheezing noise the dog makes when I did it to him. She didn't.

Not long after that I recall pulling my fingers out of her sodden vagina. I opened and closed my fingers and her wetness formed a stringy little web between them. I did what any grown up 32 yr old would do in that situation. I yelled out "Spiderweb!!" as I laughed to myself hysterically.

Then one day early on in our relationship we were driving along. Her phone rang so as she was driving she asked me to get it. It was her mum. After the usual cordial bullshit I popped the million dollar question, 'So, did Ruth tell you she's pregnant'. I got an earful after that one. Apparently her mum is really religious and didn't take my joke very well.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:47, 4 replies)

I played knock-a-door-run a few months back.
I'm 25.
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:42, 1 reply)

More Sign Related Japery
Along the lines of "Crap Sandwich"

A restaurant in town used to offer specials on CLAM BASKETS-on their outside sign with gigantic removable plastic letters. Quite funnily enough, The same letters as the delicious treat LAMB CASKETS... mmmmm... Lamb Caskets $6.99

Unfortunately, they don't put that on special anymore. 30 something-but a big fan of punny sign jokes. Oh well.

*pop*
(shecky, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:41, 1 reply)

Inspired by The Shining, every time.....
..... I'm in a hotel (and I travel a lot for work) I put a little soap on my index finger and write 'REDRUM' in backwards letters on the steamy wall of the shower cubicle.

This does, I believe, allow the letters to disappear as the steam dissipates and then reappear the next time the shower is used.

Thus giving me no end of chortles as I picture the next person in the shower watching aghast as the ghostly word 'MURDER' floats into existence as if by itself - and written from outside the cubicle.
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:35, 1 reply)

Shaving foam custard pie fight.
With about 20 participants. Can't wait to do it again, but I'm not sure if or when I'll get the opportunity.
( Horatio P Lemming, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:30, 2 replies)

The most Wildean of grown up retorts
Last year I was driving through the streets of Sheffield on a road I know well when I approached a roundabout where the road takes an interesting turn. The filter lanes of the roundabout give you two options, A: Left turn only. B: Right & straight on.

As I was going straight on I got into the right lane and proceeded just as a middle aged chap in an Audi whipped up the left hand lane and tried to poach my spot in the road. As I was in the right and not expecting this crazy manouvre I carried on forcing him to stay in his second choice lane.

When I pulled to a halt the chap drew parrallel with me bellowing "You stupid cunt! The left lane's for road ahead you fucking prick!". Which left me with only one path of reply ........ I stared straight at him, cocked both hands to clawed right angles, pushed my bottom lip out with my tongue and belmed "Mnnnurgh! JOEY!" at him.

The reaction was a suitably enraged executive and I tootled off with the satisfaction of the truly immature
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:27, Reply)

September the 11th
Posting lots and lots of twin towers jokes from sickipedia on the most viewed Youtube 'Twin Towers' clips the other day on September the 11th.

Very childish, but lots of fun. Got a lot of hate emails, and the odd hahaha.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:19, 1 reply)

"You bloody fucking poo-bum"
That.
( mr.dogshit The world's premier anthropomorphic canine faeces, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:11, Reply)

If I am in a supermarket and using a trolley
I find it very difficult not to push it round like a shopping zombie from the mall scenes in Dawn of the Dead.

I haven't seen the remake as I am old, and a film snob.
( Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:59, 4 replies)

I used to share a flat with someone....
when I left, I filled his steam iron with piss.
(Lionel Tiger, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:58, 2 replies)

I like to wind various movements and groups up with my music
I have several myspace accounts, usually created just as a way of making myself giggle with a few tracks of disturbing sounds and music and odd graphics.

www.myspace.com/indigoshore

This one for example i created after getting sick to the back teeth with various new age groups going on and on about their 'indigo children' and how special they are. Usually middle class, self righteous twunts who think their spoiled offspring are indigo children and are oh so holier than thou and special and super spiritual. Usually these types of people are religious maniacs who cluster together in like minded groups, sometimes slightly racist and hypocritical and they lick each others arseholes and seperate themselves from normality.

Anyhow after getting annoyed with these types going on and on about how special they are, i like to infiltrate their forums and pose as an 'indigo musician' designing harmonic healing sounds and telling them how i've spent several years designing pure sounds and understanding healing frequencies and the like.

I then link to my 'music' and giggle to myself like a little child as i know eager 'indigo' types visit my site expecting soothing sounds but are confronted by horrific mixes and blasphemous rituals of sound.

I also hide hidden messages in the graphics - such as scientology symbols, Nick Griffins face, Hoaxer Blossom good child images and the like.

Sure it's pointless, hard work but it makes me smile.

That'll learn 'em.

(The last track in particular is my favourite - 'tuned out'
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:55, 4 replies)

In my local pub, so far I have
Passed off Worcestershire Sauce as Jagermeister. Also Vinegar as Sambuca.
Poured water over a sleeping regulars crotch and convinced him he pissed himself.
Floated Mayonnaise in between the head of a pint of Guinness.
Painted the word Cock in reverse on someones forehead.
And whenever a tourist asks what type of food we serve I still say Salt and Vinegar or Cheese and Onion.

I'm 34.
(Adaminho, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:50, Reply)

San Diego Zoo
There was also the time we visited San Diego Zoo and giggled hysterically at a chimp having a wank. A little boy walked past with his dad and asked what those "weird people" are laughing at.......we laughed and pointed and laughed some more and the little kids dad cracked up as well. It culminated with about 8-10 adults all laughing their asses off while the kids wanted to know why!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:43, 1 reply)

Ah, the joys of Disneyland
When husbandthefirst and I first moved to the States, we had to visit Disneyland (the happiest place on Earth, the sign says, but all the staff are miserable fuckers).
So off we trot to see Mickey and Minnie and Goofy. One of the rides is "Mr. Toads Wild Ride" which although a kids ride we HAD to go on.
But the best bit.....seeing how many photos we could get into of people taking pictures of their little darlings with Mickey or Goofy or whomever. We managed it quite a bit!

And then there was the time I flashed my norks on the log ride and got kicked out........
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:40, 1 reply)

It's the little things
Pressing someone's nose and saying "Beep!".
Pointing at someone's chest with a confused look, then when they look down, lifting my arm and flicking their nose.

And if someone tells you that you're being childish, just cross your eyes and let your tongue stick out slightly. Or just call them a lesbian and run away.
(TheCastrator, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:28, Reply)

Bus Stop Widgie
I doubt I'm the only person to have done this but only last weekend I painted a fine specimen of a "bus stop widgie" on my brothers front room wall. It looked exactly like this:



His missus was decorating the next day so it wasn't a permanent feature.
(Elmintrude has lumps of it round the back, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:24, 4 replies)

I once
lived in a flat with a couple who converted to born again Christianity. This wouldn't have been too bad, besides the fact that they got a little too preachy for my tastes (being a sinful atheist and all) and began leaving notes around the flat for me to read. These were along the lines of "Read this, you need to!" on the front of a leaflet full of bible verses, and "IMPORTANT: MUST READ" on the front of a bible, idly left on the floor outside my bedroom door. Now this wasn't too bad, I tried to politely explain that I had already made my own mind up, and yes, in their eyes I was going to the big scary hot place, but that was just fine with me, as it's all a load of bollocks anyway.
This then prompted them to begin pushing leaflets full of bible verses UNDERNEATH MY DOOR whilst I was in the room, in an attempt to annoy me into conversion. This time, I decided to reply to the notes they had written on the front saying "No thanks, I've already made up my own mind. Please stop leaving these leaflets all over the place." which I assumed was a fairly measured response. This was then met with them posting the aforementioned scummy leaflet back under my door with a note saying "Wrong answer, love God.". Well I thought, fuck it.

So I pissed all over their carpet and moved out.

I don't feel that bad about it to be honest, but I do think it was pretty childish. I'd apologise for length, but I'm not going to.
(Senseless, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 19:20, 4 replies)