Shopping
I've now started to do the weekly food shop online, as I found it such a palaver actually going to the shops. Reasons for this include:

- When people stand in front of the products I’m trying to get to and don’t bother moving out of the way, even though they can tell I need to get to the shelf. I know what I want to get, they don’t, but they never move. They just stand there looking gormless.

- People that eat stuff on the way round and then pay for the packet. Can’t they wait a few minutes until they’re outside? Better still, drop the empty packet on the floor

- The amount of people that follow the person who reduces prices around. Weirdos.

- There is always something that I require out of stock

- People with bad trolley etiquette. They leave their trolley and go swanning off to get something else, but they leave it in front of a popular shelf, such as the milk. I put random items in the trolleys of people that do this. I also hate it when people don’t ‘give-way’

- The fact that some people will walk up and down the aisle in front of the checkouts for about 10 minutes, waiting for one where they can get served immediately, when they could have just queued up and waited patiently, and would have probably got served quicker.

- Thick check out staff. No need to expand on this point – just make sure I’ve got a supply of plastic bags and I’ll do the rest you thick cunt

- Old boys that plod around shops (with their wives) with their arms behind their backs

- You’re looking for a parking space but there doesn't seem to be one available. What’s this? Someone’s leaving – look! they’re loading their shopping into their car! Just wait here until they finish. That’s it little shopper man, take your trolley to the trolley bay and then get back in your car. What are you doing? Why aren’t you moving? The reverse lights should come on in a bit and I’ll get in your space - It’s busy, there aren’t any others around. HURRY UP YOU FUCKING COCKSPANNER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? READING? FUCKING READING?! FOOORRRRGODDDDSAAAAAKKEEE!!

Why do people love shopping?
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:47, 17 replies)

I'm one of those people that follow the person who reduces prices around
it's great fun.

'What's for tea tonight then - six packets of liver and three rotting peaches?
Lovely.'
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:55, closed)

^^ This ^^
oh god, a million times this!

saturday morning is the worst of all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:59, closed)

net shopping
The amount of times a vegetarian meal is substituted for something with meat in it. I'm sure that Sainsburies can find something closer to a margerita pizza than PEPPERONI.
(ignoramusaurus, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:02, closed)

I've read that they sometimes send condoms as the next-along bar code
that goes down well in post-vasectomy households.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:18, closed)

You know what's funny?
The fact that everyone complains about these exact things that happen in the shops (me including - drives me nuts! that's why I hate shopping!) but then ... who are the people actually doing these irritating things since everyone is complaining about it? Do they not know that they are being irritating and think everyone else are the ones being full of shit? One of those perplexing questions of the universe... :)
(SarcasticBunny pfft, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:08, closed)

^ this several times
Although:
People in the way: A firm 'excuse me' works 99% of the time

Eating stuff on the way around: Is actually theft and one day they'l get caught

Folowing the price-reducer person: Is most prolific in Asda. I'll not push my way into a crowd to get some nasty looking salad. However, if something's yellow-ticketed and nobody's crowding around, I'll jump in quick. Especially meat. I once got enough meat to half-fill the deep-freeze. It doesn't seem to happen in Tesco. Different class of people I suppose.

Trolley etiquette: Those that doen't even leave the trolley at one side of the aisle but leave it at an angle in the way and then wander off. And don't get me started on people who bump into friends and block the aisle completely.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:18, closed)

OK.
So they leave it in the middle of the bloody isle and then go stare at fancy packaging.

I come along and move their cart to a position more beneficial to the supermarket as a whole...then what's this? They're shouting at me? I have to point out that, no, the items in the cart don't belong to them because they haven't purchased them yet. And if they don't want people to touch their carts, they should't leave them in such a stupid bloody place.

(I once did this to a woman in Waitrose on Holloway Road. She tried to get me kicked out for being 'drunk'. For once, I wasn't.)
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:38, closed)

One of our security guards is really hot on that theft-by-consumption bit.
He can move the security cameras and follows people round who are eating, and if he manages to find them personally, he'll ask if they're planning to pay for it. It makes me giggle seeing their faces.

Open packets? Alright fine, if there's a baby wailing and it wants a Rusk biscuit, fucking give the baby a biscuit. Whole chocolate bars missing and nary a barcode on an empty pack does my nut.
( Bats, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:55, closed)

ooh, rusks
are delicious. Think I'll get myself a pack...
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:05, closed)

I nearly clicked
For "I put random items in the trolleys of people that do this". But then I found out you don't take your own bags to the supermarket. Tsk, tsk.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:49, closed)

I'd just like to defend 'thick' checkout staff
being a tillmonkey myself. I work for Asda, and it is in our contract for us to ask those mind-numbing, ridiculous questions. Not got your bags? I need to (yes, contractually) ask if you want a 5p one or a free one. Then I am obliged to ask if you want help packing. It doesn't make anyone thick, it just makes us robots - and it's just as grim asking as it is answering. Try doing it all day.
( Bats, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:51, closed)

I see
I used to absolutely loathe being asked "Do you want any help with your packing?" at the till at Sainsbury's, but I can't recall being asked recently. Either they've stopped doing it or I've managed to mentally block it out.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:35, closed)

Indeed
You've blocked it out, Sainsbury's checkout staff are contractually obliged to ask you that. We don't actually care though, so ignoring it's fine.
(forthejest thinks this is the Endgame, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:10, closed)

You forgot to mention
trying to park your car while oblivious morons trundle their trolleys along in the middle of the road, usually with a child on either side to give you even less chance of getting past. And then when they finally move they give you a filthy look, like you're the one causing inconvenience.

The same goes for people who stroll in front of your car as you're trying to drive out of the parking space. Winds me right up.
(Uncle Comrade, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:56, closed)

I hate shopping with all my might....
As for the cut price meat - i just sit in the pub and wait for the local shoplifter to bring in his wares ;) mmm...half price top quality steak...
( snee held his breath since, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:59, closed)

Old People...
They have all bloody week to do their shopping (which if we're honest consists of some cabbage to boil, a couple of Fray Bentos pies and a dozen tins of Whiskas for Tiddles). So why to they choose to mooch around the supermarkets on a Saturday morning or Friday afternoon stopping randomly to chat to their equally decrepit acquaintances and blocking the entire aisle. They then have the fucking gall to 'tut' at me when I ask them to move and while I'm venting why do they refuse the offer of help with their packing and then proceed to pack at a pace that can only be described as catatonic.

I'm all in favour of supermarkets offering a small discount for old people who shop between 10am and 3pm Monday to Thursday.
(Uncle Jumbo will strip for pocket change (and/or Gin), Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:59, closed)

I love shopping 'cos of the opportunities to buy time-expired meat at pocket money prices.
(Benzyl, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 16:10, closed)