Paging Dr Conman
When I was opening my first student account I got the one which had either fifty quid or a free pager. Being a knob I wanted the free pager as this was the age when mobile phones cost hundreds of pounds and looked like house bricks. I was keen to be kept constantly up to date with the exploits of my 'crew' so we all got the pagers.

Mine didn't arrive within 14 seconds like I wanted it to, so I phoned the bank and went ape shit. I had already missed a pager bat signal about a party full of booze and naive 16 year olds and wasn't about to miss out again.

They apologised and sent another one out. Two days later another arrived, so I have two pagers. The next day I get a phone call from the bank which begins 'Did you phone up about a free pager?'. 'Shit!' I thought 'I'll have to send one back'. 'Yes that was me' I began.

He interrupted with 'I'm terribly sorry but we've run out of pagers, would it be alright to have the £50 instead?'. I paused, not believing my luck, and he took this as a sign of displeasure and jumped back in. 'Again, we must apologise, we will also credit your account with another £50 to make up for the inconvenience.

'Fine!' I managed to squeak, and the next day I am in the enviable position of having two pagers and a hundred quid. Two days later, and the postbox rattle. Yep, it's another pager.
I sold the two spares for £30 each and the haul of £160 kept me in John Smiths until February.
(doubles, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:50, 1 reply)

Master Haggler
I had just flown into Istanbul (not Constantinople) and had successfully defended my wallet from a Taxi driver with his meter on Night Rate instead of the cheaper Day Rate and I was feeling like the extremely well-seasoned traveler.

I was dropped off at the Blue Mosque and wanted to take some photos of it. I hadn't bought any film as everything in pounds is hideously expensive and thought I'd haggle my way to some cheap film!

Me: 3 rolls of film please.
Storekeeper: 140 million please (I've forgotten the actual number but Turkish lira was in the millions just to get a plate of rice)
Me: Ha! How about I only pay 100 million
Him: OK

I walked away with the bargain of the century, leveraging my strong currency against his weak currency, until i realised I'd converted it in my head the wrong way and I'd paid £76 for 3 rolls of film.

Best photos I've ever taken though. They had to be for £25 a roll!
(Evildonald, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:41, Reply)

I never get on a charter plane without telling the steward that i booked a meal with teh travel agent
even if I haven't which is normally the case, when out with a large group of friends on a busy night like a friday/saturday I have found that rudhing in hurriedly to the door host at a restaurant/ table serving drinks bar and explaining that you are the "smith" (insert any common surname here) party and you are so sorry for being late but it was booked by a rather useless friend can get you a big table all to yourselves at short notice, as they will invariably play along and hide their own incompetence

Being extra friendly and sympathetic to airline personell, explaining that you could "never do their job as they must have to deal with very angry/tired people can get you upgrades, extra baggage allowance and a few freebies sometimes, but this should never be expected

the trick to good blagging is to always believe it yourself, anyone questioning you must be mad!

I'm going to hell

CLICK "i LIKE THIS" because this story is
1.actually true

and 2. not written by frankspencer or apeloverage
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:37, 2 replies)

BIG ISSUE!
Bless you.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:33, Reply)

Sherbert
I have yet another drugs one.
At glastonbury once I saw a scouser offer a gurning posho student some sherbert.

"Only a tenner".
"Yah? Nice one!"
"You know its sherbert though, yeah? It actually is sherbert?"
"Yes don't worry mate, I'll go easy on it! Actually I'll take 2 gs if you've got them. Wicked!" *wink*
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:33, Reply)

My Parents took me on holiday once....
and all I got were these concrete shoes.

Maddy. xx
( FlexAlux laughed at something inappropriate on, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:22, 4 replies)

B&Q
be aware, I recently went to a b&q store in mersey side and was approached by a member of their staff and asked if I wanted decking? well, I got the first punch in, but I feel the lesser vigilant person might not be so sharp.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 15:02, 3 replies)

An even better con...
...the Spice Girls fooled the world into thinking that they could sing and were a worthy musical act! The crowning moment of that con was "Spice World", of course- but then everyone started to see through it and caught onto the con.

But what's this? They're doing a reunion?

Aah, those cheeky little imps!...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:55, 1 reply)

More Big Issue
I was walking through town a few weeks ago when a chirpy-looking vendor called out to me.
"Big Issue, sir? It's my last one"
Having some spare change on me, I accepted his kind offer and bought the final copy.
"Great, thanks!" he said. "I can go home now!"

It was only after he'd skipped off down the street that I realised.
"Hang on... You're supposed to be homeless..."
(costas, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:55, 3 replies)

conmen
Many banks and other FI's send out credit card applications randomly. People fill them in and send them back. The bank does cursory checks on the information and then sends the card out in a lot of cases with ridiculous limits.

Now, i dont entirely blame the banks for this. If you got in debt because you knowingly overspent on credit cards then ITS YOUR FAULT. Its not the fault of the bank who "made it too easy to get into debt".

However, what I do blame the banks for is that they will do this for people who should never have cards in the first place. A relative of mine is ill, always has been, always will be. He is incapable of making rational decisions. He has a fairly dull life but is a likeable guy. He'll believe everything you tell him. He doesnt have much money - benefits really - but he likes the shiny new things that everyone else seems to have these days. So he filled in one of these applications, and he got his platinum card (from "Boyds" bank actually, well it sounds like that) with a £7000 limit on the first attempt.

The first shop he went to sold furniture (SFD its called), he bought the first sofa he saw and the salesman, recognising an easy mark took him to the cleaners. £4K gone in 5 minutes. He bought a nice shiny mobile phone (from PhonesRus ;) ) on a rather convenient £75 per month all-in tariff. The salesman had taken him apart in minutes. £7K went in one week.

The bills came in and he ignored them for months, almost a year. The bailiffs were round trying to repossess from a man who never even lets relatives and friends in his flat, he was distraught and attempted self harm, he had no idea what they wanted.

Eventually us nice people got involved and told the bank to fuck right off. They got nasty. We had the last laugh - we agreed we would absolutely love to see them in court. We wanted to see whether Mr Judge would take the side of the big bad bank or the petrified schizophrenic man who had never earnt a penny in his life and never would do. We couldnt wait to see their reaction to the credit card application form originally filled out. Especially the bit where it said "Income" and was filled in with "I AM ON BENEFITS" and other delights.

(Almost) sadly, they backed down, the wrote off the debt entirely.

I suppose its worth knowing that credit cards are a con, and the employees of Boyds, PhonesRus and SFD are cunts really and are quite happy to con people for a 'legitimate' living.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:43, Reply)

Its Happened To Everyone
ah the good old time when you buy things and get too much change

for me i bought something for 50p and got £2.50 back and off course i quickly hurried off

small victory

but a victory nether the less ^_^
(cactus fantastico is fantastic....o, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:41, 1 reply)

Just a Day to Late...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7052546.stm
(drain_bamaged, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:27, 3 replies)

False! Deity! You Mugs!
I convinced people I exist.

Yours

God

PS Despite posting on b3ta I still don't exist!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:17, 5 replies)

There's no helping some people.
As proved by this guy, who just can't stop people from giving him their money. At one point he tries to give someone their money back and they won't let him.

Of course I myself am too morally sound to attempt to con anyone and far too bright to fall for cons attempted by other people. Yup.
( Batsgirl, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:03, 1 reply)

When I was 15...
I opened acounts at all the high street banks, without making a deposit so that I could get their opening offers - in order to sell the goodies for hard cash.

Because I was at boarding school, I told the banks that my mum lived abroad and that I needed to open an account so that she could transfer over £1,000 both complete lies. It was amazing how gleefully they waived away the standard opening amount with a promise of an imminent grand.

One of the banks even gave me an overdraft of £100, which I swiftly maxed out. When they asked me to repay them, I informed them that I was under 18 and therefore it was highly illegal what they had done.

That and the other dorment accounts all eventually closed - sweet.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:02, Reply)

Conned into veganism
I am currently eating the shittest lunch ever.

There is a little Thai buffet place near the office that I'd never tried before, so having neglected to pack sandwiches today, I went there for a take out box. Imagine my horror when, already having paid £4 for said box, I discovered that it was fucking VEGAN!

I now have greasy, salty, shitty, rubbery chicken substitute, bouncy tofu, minging curried noodles, and even the vegetables are salty, greasy and undercooked.

The place is called Tai Buffet and it's near the British Museum on New Oxford Street. DO NOT go there unless you actually like soggy, salty tofu. Sod animal rights and the environment, I want some proper food. WANKERS.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:02, 10 replies)

Many years ago I had home & contents insurance with Legal and General.
Now, home insurance is itself a con, but it has done me big favours in the past.

However, after a couple of incidences of trying to claim things from L&G only to find they weren't covered, I'd added additional bits to my policy, so everything was covered - mobile, bike, guitars, the lot, all for about £8 a month too if I remember.

One day I was at my bank for one of those stupid "account review" things (which I also don't bother with any more - like I've got nothing better to do than sit in the bank and be sold to), and they asked me if I'd considered swapping my home insurance, as they could save me up to 74p a month, or something. I told them that I'd spent a while making sure my policy covered everything I needed and wasn't interested.

A couple of weeks later my then girlfriend had a similar meeting at the same bank. They said to her "We've spoken to Professor Ken about home insurance, you just need to sign this", which she did, whereupon they cancelled my L&G policy, stopped the Direct Debit, and started the new Lloyds policy. O_o

This in itself pissed me off no end, but a month or so later I dropped my mobile phone. Stripped wooden floors may be cool and look excellent, but when your mobile's bouncing down the stairs doing its best impression of the space shuttle Columbia breaking up on re-entry, they're not great.

So anyway, I phoned Lloyds with my shiny new policy at the ready, only to be told...

..."I'm sorry sir, that's not covered".

So, just to recap: after being categorically told that I wasn't interested, they conned my girlfriend into going ahead anyway, and then gave me an inferior product.

Meh.

/length


(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:39, 4 replies)

My best con?
I convinced humanity that I don't exist.

Muaahaahaahaahaaa....

Signed,
Satan
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:31, 1 reply)

Ladies
If a man comes to the door and says he is conducting a survey and needs to see your tits DO NOT show him your tits - he is only trying to see your tits.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:24, 4 replies)

2 Free Pints
You need a pub with an old-school style of landlord for this (you know the sort, still work in feet and inches and other imperial units) but it works, I've tried it.

Once you've been in the pub for a while, approach the landlord and ask him if he can settle an argument with you. You and your friend can't decide how many pints are in a quart. You're convinced it's 2 but he is adamant that it's 4. The landlord will turn round and tell you that the answer is 2. You can now return to your table.

Shortly afterwards, seek out a member of bar staff who is far enough away from the landlord that they won't be able to hear whats said and tell them that the landlord has bought you 2 pints. They probably won't believe you and (so long as the landlord remembers you) when you mime "2" at him he will nod or give you the thumbs up. The unknowning member of staff will hand you 2 pints and you can wend your merry way.
(_earwaxuk_, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:20, 1 reply)

hairdressers...grrr
I have just been charged £42!!!

For a haircut that took exactly the same number of minutes!!

So I was conned into looking gorgeous...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:15, 3 replies)

Confident Couple



Another one that wasn't me either although I had a bit part in the aftermath.


We moved into a newly renovated house around ten years back. We were the second set of tenants since the renovation.

After a couple of months, we started getting bailiff letters and stern letters from credit companies addressed to the couple who'd lived there before us. We just wrote "Not Known At This Address" and sent them back. Then the police started to call to the door in search of the couple (the bloke mainly).

Turned out that they were pretending to be a pair of either soon-to-be-married or newly weds who were fitting out their first house. They would go to an electrical store and order up top of the range white goods, tvs, videos etc. They'd either ask for the store's credit plan or else charge it to their 'genuine' credit cards. When the goods arrived, the delivery bloke would be told to leave them as is in their packaging as the house wasn't quite ready. Then a mate would come round and take the lot away where it most likely went into one of those dodgy 'auctions'. They did the same thing with furniture and cars. They were in the house for nearly a year and fitted out the house several times over using a different store each time.

We were in the house for a couple of years and never heard anything about them being caught.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:10, Reply)

Here goes nothing!
Not been sure whether to post this or not but what the hell - you only live once and you all think I'm a sex-mad tosser anyway.

About 12 years ago I became friends with this guy at work who was 9 years younger than me. We wanted to get even friendlier but he had a girlfriend.

So what did we do.

We convinced her, (she was a bit niave), that I was a lesbian. Not a great stretch of the imagination as I had bumped uglies with girls before and I do look a bit like how people would expect one to look. So anyhow, he gets pop round anytime he wants to get jiggy with it and she doesn't worry.

My only defense is that he was cheating on her left, right and centre.

Miss Piggy, If we ever meet up - you have permission to give me a good smack.
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:09, 3 replies)

Honesty redux
Standing on the corner near the school of engineering was a leatherly looking guy with a sign that said, "Why lie? I just want a beer."

As I had just been to the store and had a six pack on the seat, I rolled down the window and gave him one.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Essex's Premier VW/Audi specialist
A certain well known VW specialist in Colchester; first word is the surname of a gay singer called "Elton" and second word is associated with a series of films about a 1960s English secret agent played by Mike Myers and a now defunct British car maker; which proudly advertises its' expertise in maintaining popular German cars.

However, customers may or may not experience the following issues with their VW's upon return:

1) Buckled jacking points where vehicles have been left on axle stands too long.

2) Plastic bodywork damaged and poorly repaired thanks to numpty-trolleyjack related misdemeanors.

3) Total inability to fit a suspension part common to all VW Golfs manufactured between 1974-1998 and ignorance of which way up it should be mounted.

4) Numptyism of the above resulting in suspension wishbones being damaged.

5) Sudden appearence of paintwork damage upon collection of said German car.

6) Total inability to fit a passenger door mirror of the same type as the one on the driver's side.

If you're thinking of buying a secondhand VW in the North Essex area, watch out for a little square blue sticker in the rear window stating "Serviced & repaired by John Austin" If it's got one, walk away....
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 19 Oct 2007, 13:02, Reply)

Also on the Big Issue
Best one I ever heard was the bloke who came out with:

"C'mon mate, buy one so I can go and get pissed!"

Got to admire his honesty although thinking about it that's about as far from a con as you can get.

Still didnt buy one though. It's shit!
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 12:56, 1 reply)

on a cross channel ferry
..returning from a long trip on the continent i was at the bureaux de chance where the nice young lady mistakingly handed over £1750.00 for 1750.00 swiss francs. The exchange rate should have bought us about £800.00 at the time and we watched , smiled and took the dosh feeling rather happy with ourselves.....and that was it -we'd made a grand. was it a con? well not really but i suppose we could have said "excuse me but i think you're making a big mistake?" but we didn't. And we made a grand.
(John Elton, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 12:44, 4 replies)

HSBC credit card
My mother in law is disabled, she lives on a disabled living allowance and has done for years.

Through the magic of home shopping, boredom and a lack of touch with the real world she managed to get about £8k of debt on an HSBC credit card and was/is paying a huge amount in interest each month INCLUDING an payment protection insurance policy.

So, finding her disability allowance won't cover it anymore she contacts them about the payment protection policy. They reply, no problem simply send us proof of your job loss or change in earnings.
"Err, what job loss? I never had a job when you gave me the card."

So basically for 4 years she's been paying a payment protection policy that she can never claim from as it only protects you against loss of earnings, when she had no earnings to begin with.

Now that is a proper con!

I take debt very seriously and work fecking hard to stay out of debt so I'm rather pissed off that she has about £12k of debt and not a single asset since it's all spent on rubbish from home shopping etc most of which breaks or gets binned. I suggested she get declared bankrupt, learn from her lesson and not do it again, but she was "too shy" to go to the citizens advice etc and her flipping family all support the bury your head in the sand approach!
So now she's paying the debts off over about 20 years or so after we wrote to HSBC and she made an agreement to pay off by installments. I know thats the right action in the long run but it's obvious to me she's not learnt from the mistake and I can see the whole thing being repeated in a couple of years if interest rates change and she can't cope again.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 12:42, 2 replies)