I was accosted by a bloke collecting for The Alzheimers Society on my way home one evening.
So I said 'I donated this morning. At least I think I did. You know what, I can't remember'.


(This QOTW has become 'things I didn't really say to chuggers' hasn't it?)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:08, 91 replies)

Nine hours four minutes.
Does that mean I win?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:15, closed)

If I knew what you meant I'd be able to tell you if you've won.
But I am sure you have.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:17, closed)

YES!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:20, closed)

As someone who used to be a street-fundraiser for the Alzheimers Society
I can honestly say that at no point has anyone ever made a joke about forgetting things to me or one of my team.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:24, closed)

I'm lying of course (about the jokes, I was indeed a fundraiser)
Lots of people, like scarpe are quick to trivialise Alzheimers disease (hearafter 'AD') as an inevitable part of aging, typified by Granny not remembering where her keys are.

The reality is that AD is a fatal and incurable disease which kills your brain and anyone can suffer it. As you get older your chances of getting it increase, meaning sadly, the disease tends to strike at people who are already vulnerable.

Yes, memory-loss is one of the first symptoms, however, as the disease develops your personality, ability to communicate and long-term memories are all radically altered.

The A Society does quite a lot of respite care for elderly people who have to look-after a partner or friend with AD, providing carers for short periods to allow that person an opportunity to do other things. I think it was that particular aspect of the AS work that made me decide to donate to them and they remain, along with St Mungos the only charity which I continue to give to.

I would urge you, scarpe to reconsider how you approach AD.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:32, closed)

Thanks for the lecture
but last time I checked this was B3ta and I didn't have to bring the baggage of things like losing my Nan to AD with me when I came here, so I politely invite you to take this step ladder and get down off that high horse before you talk down to people about whom you know nothing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:35, closed)

I'm sorry
I didn't realise you'd lost a relative to AD.
I must admit, I made a whopping great assumption about you based on this post:
www.b3ta.com/questions/conversationkillers/post1208033
where you seem to be implying that you made a piss-poor joke about AD to a fundraiser.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:37, closed)

Yup, I did.
And now I refer you back to my previous post. Unless I have logged on to sanctimony.co.uk in error. Nope, I just checked, I haven't.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:40, closed)

Oh I see.
You made that joke before seeing the impact of the disease on your grandmother.

I'm really sorry for your loss, I didn't know, if I had, I certainly wouldn't have urged you to reconsider your views on AD.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:42, closed)

Wouldn't you, knowing what you know now
have posted something similar to what I did if you saw an unfunny joke about AD on here?
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:45, closed)

Also, not wanting to upset you at all.
I can't imagine what losing a relative to AD is like.

Don't you think its a little bit disrespectful to crack unfunny jokes about AD, given that it killed your Granny. How would your Mum feel if she saw you arguing with me about it?
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:47, closed)

Actually
I'm calling you out on this.
I think you've seen an opportunity to be more sanctimonious than me, whilst simultaneously urging me to be less sanctimonious.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:48, closed)

Actually I just didn't appreciate the lecture
but thanks for playing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:53, closed)

yeah, I don't think anyone would
It was designed to make you take stock of precisely how far off the mark you were when you said that to a fundraiser.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:54, closed)

Actually
I don't believe you about your nan
www.b3ta.com/questions/tightwads/post284788
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:53, closed)

Which is the lie?

( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:53, closed)

1) it is possible to have two nans.
2) Have you read that post you just linked to? Or did it just go over your head?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:55, closed)

Everyone has two nans
I don't believe that either of yours died of AD.

If they did, I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and ask:

1. Is AD funny?
2. Was what I said to that fundraiser appropriate?
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:00, closed)

I repeat
I did not say that to a fundraiser.

I made a joke on a messageboard which was intended to point out that a lot of people this week seem to be claiming to have said things to fundraisers that I did not believe they say.

read the last line of the very first post again. Then also read the other Nan post to see if you can get the joke from that one too.

Then, when you are fully in control of the facts, perhaps we'll talk again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:02, closed)

Yes, I understand that you didn't say this to a fundraiser.
I had an inkling this conversation was going to go this way.

You see that you've made a joke about AD right?
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:04, closed)

I'm sure you're making a bigger deal out of this than necessary
I'm pretty sure the fundraiser didn't give a fuck
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:36, closed)

Wow, you started the imbecillic backpedalling even before I called it.
That's efficiency there
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:04, closed)

For there to be backpedalling
I think I would have needed to, you know, go back on anything I've already said.

just saying.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:09, closed)

Clearly noy

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:54, closed)

You still think what you said to that fundraiser was funny?

( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:55, closed)

oh FFS
It's like arguing with a haystack.

I didn't say it! The point of the post was that this week seems to have been full of people claiming they said things to chuggers that I doubt they thought of until they sat down to try to answer this weeks question.

Here's a tip: concentrate on knowing what you are responding to, before you respond.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:57, closed)

this is even worse
You've just made a piss-poor joke about AD?
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:01, closed)

Imbecillic backpedalling
in 3...2...1...
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:03, closed)

I'm back pedalling from nothing.
Someone took offence to a joke, that's fine. It happens.

At least now they are taking offence to the right thing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:04, closed)

It wasn't that it was an offensive topic, because that's what goes on here.
it was simply because you seem to be coming across as some kind of screaming retard when someone calls you out on your awful delivery.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:06, closed)

Ah
No, I am happy to accept my delivery was bad too, that's fine.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:07, closed)

Your joke isn't funny
If what you've said is true, you of all people should know exactly how unfunny it is.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:07, closed)

Does having a relative die from a disease give you immunity from being told-off for cracking jokes about it?
You haven't once addressed my unhappiness with your joke and went straight for the 'I've got a dead granny' get out of jail free card.

Do you not think its possible, maybe even likely that if I fundraised for the AS, I've got personal contact with people affected by AD.

Rather than go for that, I just gave a sensible explanation for why I thought your post was not very funny, which it isn't.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:11, closed)

OK
Here is my last word:

no, that doesn't give me immunity.

yes, it probably was a bit easy to go straight to that card,but like it or not it happens to be true

and frankly, i don't care that you are offended by the joke.

Are we done now?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:13, closed)

There are more worthwhile things to act clever about, sonny.
It's just a shame it's taken you 10+ posts to demonstrate how naive, ignorant and thoroughly stupid you are.

AD is actually a horrendous disease and I've met people either suffering from it or are closely connected to someone suffering from it. The cases vary but the one common factor is that all of them are terrified. Like constantly terrified.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:17, closed)

I think its a real shame that even knowing the truth about AD, you've decided to post that
I've had pretty much that exact joke told to me as a fundraiser, members of my team have had the same joke told to them.
I've seen young, inexperienced fundraisers in floods of tears because of jokes like that.

The joke wasn't funny then, isn't funny now and I've told you so.

Given that you've chosen to stand by it, I feel I've no choice but to reiterate what I said before, this is a dreadful disease and every day people trivialise it. Its not high on people's radar when it comes to supporting research or respite care and yet, along with cancer, pretty much everyone you could ever care to meet has known someone who suffers from it, just as you and I have.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:19, closed)

Whoa there, cowpoke.
How come I'm not getting a bollocking for posting a crass cartoon? I don't even own a gran with Alzheimers.

Unless I've forgotten her what with having lolzheimers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:14, closed)

you insensitive bastard!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:16, closed)

It was the fact that he's pointed out an exact scenario that I'd been in that riled me
your comic, whilst shit, isn't as offensive.
Its more absurdist and would work just as well with 'the bad news is, you've lost your short-term memory'.

Still, I agree, it is crass and my pervious post applies to you pretty much equally.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:22, closed)

I've forgotten what the original point was.
Genuinely.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:28, closed)

OP posted unfunny joke about AD.

( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:38, closed)

Righto.
I'm not entirely convinced that required a massive big argument but I'm on fairly shaky ground here having wasted half a dozen posts last night humiliating somebody about a minor point of french idiom.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:44, closed)

lolzheimers
made me do snorty noises into my tea.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:00, closed)

oh yawn.
On your way little man, I am done here.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:03, closed)

Clearly not
because if I would have, i wouldn't have made the first post, would I?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:55, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/conversationkillers/post1208235
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:55, closed)

I clearly would noy have too.
I was a little doubtful, but now I know you're making her up. Sorry about that.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:56, closed)

I don't think we can ever really know either way frisbee.

( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:01, closed)

I don't think anyone cares either way
Except you, you sanctimonious prick.
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:07, closed)

*checks watch*
man, this white-knight service is awfully slow, isn't it?
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:08, closed)

I'm going to say it again
AD is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone.
I found this joke unfunny. Deeply unfunny.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:13, closed)

I've been THAT fundraiser
I've had THAT joke told to me.

Its NOT funny.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:13, closed)

go post
Somewhere else if you don't think its funny then.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:16, closed)

and indeed, any other ailment

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:55, closed)

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:32, closed)

I personally find this cartoon extremely offensive and I can't believe somebody would post it here.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:35, closed)

I hopeyou're being sarcastic
and highlighting how shit the original post was.
( WormuIus, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:24, closed)

Made me laugh

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:56, closed)

and me
there's no getting away from it AD is funny.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 19 May 2011, 10:59, closed)

I think some people
forget what site they're posting on.

Edit: No pun intended. (Is it a pun? Some comical device anyway)
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:03, closed)

*jazz hands* BECAUSE THEY HAVE ALZHEIMERS *jazz hands*

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:04, closed)

I think you'll find
that jazz hands is the domain of Parkinson's Disease.



Which is also funny.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:06, closed)

HA!
I thought Jazz Hands were Cerebral Palsy
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 19 May 2011, 11:13, closed)

I went to university with a guy who had cerebral palsy and epilepsy.
His CP was relatively mild - his talking was OK and he could stand up for a short while - but you still need a pretty solid sense of humour to live with that little combo.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:18, closed)

I thought Cerebal Palsy
was that band that sung 'Weak as I am'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:19, closed)

So what's Jizz Hands?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:19, closed)

South African Palsy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:23, closed)

Excellent sir
I'd click if it made a difference.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:26, closed)

I'm sad to see
that the Epic Brandy Thread has been deleted. That's put a downer on the day.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 19 May 2011, 9:35, closed)

It was a cowardly act of deletion.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:03, closed)

Oh.
I liked him. I think he was actually drunk at ten in the morning.

Sad times.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:04, closed)

As far as I can tell,
he's changed his username, too, so I can't even check his account for other gems.

Gutted.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:02, closed)

Come back drunken irish idiot! All is forgiven!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:05, closed)

"Peno Lives" is the new name.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:05, closed)

HOLY FUCK
just as well you didnt make a joke about having teh aids
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:30, closed)

I believe
AIDS is only a suitable topic for light-heartedly tomfoolery if it is confined to people's signatures.

I'm a little hazy on the rules, I admit.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:33, closed)

lighthearted tomfoolery on signatures
and monkeys
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:53, closed)

Obviously monkeys.
Always monkeys.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:56, closed)

What about monkey aids?
As in the disease, not something that aids a monkey.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:05, closed)

Oi!
I have been a fundraiser for Monkey Aids and I tell you, that joke isn't funny.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:06, closed)

Was it raising money
to buy things to aid a monkey? Banana rack, nit-comb, wank-pots. That sort of thing?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:11, closed)

Sorry,
That should have said Monkey Aides.

you know, like Monkey Butlers.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:14, closed)

I so want a monkey butler
It would be great, doing humorous things when guests come round, drinking the tea it's meant to serving and wearing my shoes on top of the wardrobe instead of polishing them.

Actually no, thinking about it, it would be a catastrophe and very high maintenance.
Same goes for the gibbon maid.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:22, closed)

Gibbon maid?
So Dominique Strauss-Kahn was just spanking the gibbon then?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:45, closed)

I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A FAT WOMAN ON A BUS WHEN I WAS 10

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:07, closed)

I used to wear a dress
and assault 10 year old kids on the bus. We should compare notes.


and pictures if you have any.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:09, closed)

I like chips.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:11, closed)

My granny
Cashed hers in during a freak sky diving accident
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:20, closed)

When you say freak
do you mean that Siamese twins, a bearded woman or the elephant man fell out of a plane and landed on her?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:24, closed)

Sadly no
She forgot to wear knickers whilst sky diving and when she hit turbulence was beaten to death by her own labia
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:32, closed)

You'll probably recognise my horribly blackened dick
from when you squeezed the life out of it, you gropey ham-toucher.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:25, closed)