Invoice of the Beehive…

Where I work, It appears that we have consistently been paying BT for a WAN service that we had disconnected in September. Duh, for a start, but in order to get our collective shit together for the backlash, I have been given the frankly gleeful task of ploughing through the invoices to see what cash we can scratch back. Once I got over the initial shock of being asked to do something, I leapt into action like the highly efficient, work-a-holic beast that I am! (In other words, I muttered under my breath about how this was going to interrupt ‘nap time’, and 'If I got grumpy later on it would be all their fault').

My hopes for a swift and successful conclusion were not exactly high when I asked the finance department for said invoices. The mongaloid I spoke to shuffled about a bit, said ‘errrrm’ a lot, and then proceeded to inform me that they didn’t really know where such invoices would be kept. Awesome.

I then contacted BT, and their accounts genius (who was either part of some ‘care in the community’ scheme, or had just been dropped off by the sunshine coach), proudly declared "I dunno, I’ll see what I can dig up..."

I have just received this information now. In order for me to get a full picture of the situation, I required all invoices, credit notes, and a detailed breakdown of every charge incurred from the period of 1st September, to end of Jan. That is what I asked for…This is what I got:

A summary sheet from November. Just November. (asking for a metric fuckload of cash).

Five pages of an eight-page breakdown document, featuring charges that seems to span space and time willy nilly, adorned with lots of randomly scrawled doodles, including a simply darling ‘crudely drawn cock’.

A 60+ page document highlighting full credit note details…Brilliant, if it wasn't for the fact that they're all for another company - one that I've never heard of.

Realising I’m pretty much fucked here, I attempted to bumble through what there was to see if there was anything I could remotely make head or tail out of. Jesus-H-tapdancing-Christ! You’d need a degree in hard sums just to get your head round the Reference numbers for fuck’s sake, let alone the descriptions of services...For instance, we were charged £540 In October for ‘IPC Ac ch Sand 512 COS’. What the oinking fuck? The whole lot of it is like that. Yegods - they’ve picked the wrong guy to sort out this bad boy. I haven’t got a blinking Scooby.

Now, I’ve never professed to be a veritable Brian (Isaac) Cox or anything, but honest to murgatroyd, aren’t these things supposed to make some sort of vague bastard sense?

With my tinfoil hat securely in place, I ask: Is there some sort of conspiracy going on?. Do companies deliberately make invoices so buggeringly boggling, in order for terminally spacktarded folks like me to just 'give up and pay up'? (or let them get away with fucking up?)

because I think that’s what I’m going to do.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 28 Feb 2012, 12:18, 11 replies)

hehe

I can feel your anger. It gives you focus. Makes you stronger.

I too have encountered BT invoices. Also, where I work I get invoices from a stationary company that may as well be in Klingon. Click for you.
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 12:28, closed)

click for
'What the oinking fuck?'
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 12:33, closed)

I liked.
Have a panowie.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 12:58, closed)

It would seem
the best course of action would be to create a letterhead on your computer, and stick in an invoice to your company for 100 grand.

Seems likely they'll pay it.
(username failed moderation, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 12:58, closed)

That's a good shout...

If only I was clever enough to facilitate such a plan...

/is also lazy
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 29 Feb 2012, 9:10, closed)

I have a doctorate in applied mathematics
I have never been able to understand my BT bills.
(ubergeekian, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 15:36, closed)

You get a click for "honest to murgatroyd..." cos I haven't heard that in ages

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 16:16, closed)

In my defence...

I am old, and use such language every day.

I also use 'Pish', 'Quoth', and 'Verily'
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 29 Feb 2012, 9:10, closed)

Not only do I know what a IPC Ac ch Sand 512 COS is,
I also know where you can get them for half the price you quoted.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 19:55, closed)

I like this.
Purely for the phrase "What the oinking fuck?"
Do you mind if I steal it for future use?
(Big D, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 20:48, closed)

Go right ahead...

I've blagged more than a few phrases from this site, it's about time I was taxed for a change.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 29 Feb 2012, 10:35, closed)

its called a confusopoly.....
see also utilities, telecoms companies, insurance , etc, etc.
All deliberately make it almost impossible to compare their prices with anothers, in the hope you won't bother and just pay them.
Cunts trick, but legal.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 9:27, closed)

Just got the
'Isaac' Cox joke too. Pfffft!
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 10:03, closed)

To be fair...

I sort of ripped that joke off. I used to know a lad called Matt Cox, and when he introduced himself he would say with a despondant sneer: "Hi, I'm Matt Cox, but everyone calls me Isaac".

Took me a while to get it too.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 29 Feb 2012, 10:35, closed)

have a clicky

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 15:22, closed)