I'm currently 22
And I've wanted kids my whole life. I honestly cannot wait until the day I became a Dad. I know I'll be a cool, honest, kind and compassionate father. It probably stems from the fact that my old man was such a cunt. In a way, I want to make up for his mistakes. I vowed to myself from an early age that, when I did have a son, I would treat him the way I should have been treated, and made sure he never felt afraid or threatened.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I'll plan out activities with my unborn kids - I'll take them to the zoo as often as possible, I'll play football with them down the park, I'll teach them how to ride a bike, and I'll take them to Disneyland during the school holidays. I'll constantly learn new magic tricks and jokes to keep them amused and entertained. I'll tell them good, honest truths about the world - some people can be pricks, but it's best just to ignore them and be the best you can be. Never give in to peer pressure - never be afraid to follow your own road, and see where it takes you. Be kind and generous with people and they'll be the same to you, but be aware that there are some people who will take advantage of generosity.

I'll encourage them to paint, to write, to express themselves any way they want. I'll let them take up any instrument they fancy (I'll buy them a guitar at an early age, boy or girl). I'll never be too busy to play with them, and I'll constantly let them know how much I love them. I'll make sure they never want for anything, but I won't spoil them. I'll make them work for the things they want, and teach them that a day's labour can pay dividends.

I've even picked out names - Tyler for a boy, and Jessica for a girl. It's disappointing that I haven't experienced the joys of fatherhood yet, and I know it's on the far horizon, but I just know that it will be the happiest day of my life. It gives me something to look forward to, and it's something I've always been able to turn to during the dark times.

None of my friends think this way. Is it just me?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 4:46, 16 replies)

Yeah
It's just you.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 5:21, closed)

Pretty much
yes
( Kroney, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 7:07, closed)

In the mean time...
Enjoy your sleep.

Hagis.
Awake since 4AM, Xbox 360 gathering dust, theme tune of 'Ballymory' burnt into his brain.

(it is worth it though!)
(hagis_uk, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 7:28, closed)

I'm broody as hell right now
and everything in this post makes perfect sense. I've been planning my ideal home, with a climbing rose over the front door and a decent-sized garden for the kids to play in.

*Sighs wistfully*
( Bats, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 7:39, closed)

its
you.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 8:03, closed)

Nope, me too.
Got everything right, down to the prick of a father. Good luck with it =]
( Hokerou, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 9:56, closed)

As much as you want to be a dad.
Live a little first and have some fun. You will make an even better father because of it.
( girlinthehole, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 10:20, closed)

Listen to BGB - she talks a lot of sense
Having kids can be fantastic fun - they're mini versions of yourself but different.
It is great to be able to go to the zoo with them.

But never, ever forget that children are people.

Pretty obvious I guess....but just because they're yours it doesn't mean they will be nice, good fun, entertaining or even lovable. They have moods, off days, bad tempers, snotty noses, stinky backsides, appalling manners - until taught otherwise...and even then...

All in all they are not perfect and will not make your life perfect or complete.

If you're lucky as a parent you'll have your children for 16 years, sometimes less. Once they're about 16 that's it - independence, their own lives and you are just the provider. How do I know that? Because that's just entirely normal and exactly how we behave with our parents. It's also exactly what most parents want for their children - independence.

Ideally the relationship changes and they become your friend...but they should not become your friend before that - because they need to be a child and have the security of knowing that you'll take care of them - a friendship is a relationship of equals, the relationship of parent and child isn't.

It's one of the most demanding, exhausting, frustrating, rewarding and important things that anyone can do in their life...but do it at the right time for you - when you've had a chance to see more of the world, enjoy some freedom and be reckless.

And also remember that it isn't our right as human beings to have a child - it's a privilege. So treat it like that if it happens for you and if it doesn't happen then become a fantastic uncle or godfather to someone. There are plenty of children out there who need someone like you in their lives - become a foster parent, a Scout leader, a school mentor, anything that can help you to fill that gap inside you until you become a parent.

Good luck.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 11:06, closed)

I have to agree with BGB too
I'm 34 and in the somewhat idealistic position of having no kids of my own. I do have the occasional use of a couple on lease lend, but that in no way makes me an expert in parenting.

All I can say is that at 22 you have pretty much your whole life in front of you, with decisions, choices and opportunities that I envy you for. Your yearning to be a dad may well be laudable, but assuming you become a dad at 25, what next? Kids don't stay kids forever. You'd be in your mid forties with an empty home and with the new found peace and quiet you could end up using your time to regret an awful lot of decisions.

I would strongly urge you to read some of Che Grimsdale's posts on the subject. He's spoke with refreshing honesty and level headedness about his own daughter who he loves dearly, but about the sacrifices he and his partner had to make. It's both heart warming and somewhat harrowing.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Sat 28 Jun 2008, 11:28, closed)

I'm kinda the same
Shitty dad, I'm 22, and I do tend to think about how I'll treat my kids... It's not going to be for a while though...I can barely look after myself, never mind kids...
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Sat 28 Jun 2008, 12:56, closed)

whooa there fella
I'm 31 and have a two year old daughter, it is in no way all great, sometimes she throws back her head and laughs at a funny face. Most of the time she just throws up or throws her food away. If you are looking after a toddler and need a shit what do you do? these and many other conundrums await you. You will take them to the zoo a lot as past 12 months they are bored shitless of your house. Once there you will pay a fucking fortune out of your much reduced disposable income (single income or childcare will take care of that) your child will run in all happy fall over skin their knee and you will have to leave you will then feel a cunt as just for a second you cared more about the wasted tenner than your kids knee, its better to take them to pets at home.
You are right you will never be to busy to play with them that's what being a parent is all about, you will however be to busy to tidy up, to do any project, to read to cut the grass in that ideal back garden you dreaming of, and you can't do it when they are in bed as everything is then to noisy and you are to knackered. I've been told good grandparents help but it sounds like you might be struggling like me. Your friends will quickly run out of stuff to talk to you about. If they have colick you will suffer the guilt of wanting to kill them, you won't kill them but at times you WILL want to.
You will try to make them work for things but sometimes you will give them stuff just to shut them up, THEY REMEMBER THIS but even though warned you will do it anyway. You will spend festivals at the children's activity's and sat at the tent with the kids as mum has them all the time and needs a break, and even if mum doesn't have them all the time she sets the precedent during breast feeding and you can't say 1 year latter "hang on I have them more than you now I want some time of without sounding like you think childcare is a chore". If one of you gets ill you all get ill, your child will be in the bath as you try to wash sick of her/him, at this point you will need to puke and shit at the same time, that's a conundrum even without the possible drowning!
If you are ready for all this great but you will still be ready in ten years, enjoy yourself a bit first, look after other peoples kids they will jump at the chance to let you. Please listen to the others before me who say "you sound like great dad but get some life experience first. Oh and you are a man so you get fuck all say in what your kids are called your partner has been pregnant for 9 months and can't even put her own socks on what you want doesn't matter any more, its got to be all about what she a=wants at this point. When your partner has kids if it doesn't go to plan you will be miles from home confused and tired and scared and hungry you will be treated as an obstacle by medical professionals and the whole while you must show nothing but carm reasureing never ending support, its harder than you think.
I hope you will be the worlds best dad but for your sake I hope it happens in 5 to 10 years time or I think you will snap, I couldn't do this 5 years ago and I'm not even trying to be perfect just to get by.
Basically being a dad is about realising the job is important and you are not you will feel guilt every time you forget this, you will then feel mad that you are made (by yourself) to feel guilty for still wanting to be you and you will be guilty about this. You will love a thing that can be touched by death and have to let it be itself and go its own way. You will sometimes get a smile which will make it worthwile but only just and you have it easy compared to mum who will shout at your kids and then you will feel guilty about wanting to punch her to stop her.
Be yourself for a while please
( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 13:27, closed)

Two sides of the coin
I have an aquaintance who had his children very early in his life. He's roughly the same age as me, his two daughters are now grown up and one's about to get married. He says that although being a parent early in life meant that the usual young person things to do went out the window, he can now enjoy his life and regularly goes away with the missus, goes out etc. With a bit of luck he's got another 20 - 30 years of good health left to do this.

On the other hand, having kids later in life means you potentially may have less time with which to enjoy and appreciate your offspring - and it can be acutely embarrassing for young kids when the person picking them up from school is mistaken for a grandparent. There are other drawbacks as well (not in every case of course).

Whatever you do, don't overcompensate for your own father's cuntishness. I know someone who's only desire was for a baby. After years and years her dream came true, and she's spent the last 8 years cossetting, encouraging and signing her daughter up for all sorts - dance lessons, horse riding, the works. The practical upshot of this being that the kid in question doesn't have any time to just be an 8 year old girl, and has very poor social skills in some respect. She burst into tears once when she was asked (by her dad's girlfriend) what she would like to eat. Never been asked, always been presented with her meals, and as a result didn't have a clue about answering a simple question about what kind of pizza she fancied.

But what do I know? I don't have kids, never wanted them and never will. I freely admit that in that respect, I'm a selfish sod.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 28 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

Morning PF

I have to say I thought this QOTW might be a bit disappointing, but it's been much better than I'd hoped. Your post is just the kind of that makes QOTW unpredictable.

I won't nag you as you know my advice already and I'm sure you'll have lots of fun and adventures before you settle down with the right woman and start a family. Your recipe for fatherhood sounds to be about spot on; my only comment would be: don't worry if the children have their own personalities which surprise you. Our daughter was brought up in a strong feminist household - no cissy dolls or frilly dresses etc. but still went through the 'Pink' phase from age five to about nine. Some of it did stick though and she is now her own woman in a very 21st century way.

So, go for it, but DO make sure it's the right girl - there are plenty of broody women out there, but they're not all right for you.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 10:03, closed)

Dude, you're not alone!
I think that way too about kids too, but I'm much older. Am 34 and not had any yet (but had plenty of time to explore not only the world, but myself too), but when I do, I'm gonna be the bestest daddy in the universe. Can't remember what my views were when 22. It's only been the past year or so I've been thinking this way. And besides, having a kid is the excuse I need to get back into Lego.

I wouldn't say I was compensating for my parents' cuntishness - they weren't even anywhere close to being cunts. They were well meaning but I know so many things they could have done better.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 11:28, closed)