Breakfast in a Cup
I've been lurking on these boards for years now, I've read countless hilarious anecdotes. This is my first post to QotW. Please be gentle.

A few years ago (ok more like 7 or 8 years ago) I was on a "round the country road trip" to watch Sunderland vs West Ham. I went with my then girlfriend and her Family. Being from London, it was deemed to far too drive in one day. So we elected to stop somewhere near Nottingham and then visit Alton Towers on the Sunday before heading back down Saaaarff.

Sunday morning in the Hotel, a glorious (rank) fried breakfast was consumed, then off to Alton Towers.

We arrive and straight away we head to Nemesis. At early o'clock there are no queues for said ride and well why wouldn't you go on the best ride first.

One of the members of the party was then GF's uncle, a guy we shall call Richard, as this was (and still is I believe) his name. Richard was suddenly very nervous and started saying things like "Think I'll just let you guys go on this one" & "I think I should just sit this one out". If he was a small child of 10 then I could understand the fear, but he was 42.

None of us were impressed by the new cowardice streak that Rich was showing. Instantly we were practically dragging him on to said ride and asking him why he wouldn't go on it.

Finally he admitted that he lives his life by a simple mathematical equation. It was "Legs Over Head == Sick".

After the initial laughter subsided we started pestering him with questions like, if he did a forwards roll? would he be sick? And what about a cartwheel?, What about a somersault on a trampoline? Eventually after much piss taking we all go on Nemesis, including a nervous Richard who could no longer be the butt of everyone's jokes.

Up, Down, Over, upsidedown, downsideup wooooosh.
A great ride on nemesis (at the time, it's a bit tame really)

Whilst waiting to disembark I looked over at Richard who had turned a shade or grey, not unlike John Major's puppet from Spitting Image. Gingerly he left the ride and wandered over to his misses who held out a cup of tea for him. Instantly the the cup was emptied into a hedge and poor Richard proved his theory correct.

He proceeded to chunder into the cup, his whole fried breakfast. The best bit of this was as he finished he put his finger to the side of his nose and blew out a whole button mushroom.

We were howling with laughter. Poor Rich though felt worse and worse and didn't go on anymore rides for the entire day. It still cracks me up that he paid all that money to go to Alton Towers and went on one ride, puked up and then spent the rest of the day feeling like he had just come out of a washing machine.

Apologies for length, but no apologies for girth.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:04, 17 replies)

Jew hater.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:10, closed)

Troll

(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:14, closed)

I'm not the one demanding everyone be gentile.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:18, closed)

HAha good point. :-). It's like I just learned to type.

(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:20, closed)

It must have seemed a bit off of me to launch that accusation at you
if you hadn't realised what had inspired it.

Although now you've corrected it, i do just look like a random nasty bastard.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:22, closed)

Don't worry no-one will think you're nasty, and hopefully that I'm not Hitler.

(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:25, closed)

I'm Hitler and I think Scarpe's a random nasty bastard.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:31, closed)

Ssh
This guy doesn't know me as well as you do, I had a chance to start a new reputation.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:39, closed)

You shouldn't have bothered learning
because you are rubbish in every material particular, and also in your face. If I met you, I would slap you. Hell, if Mahatma Gandhi met you, he would slap you. Your story is dryer than an Arab's sandal, but contains less nutrition and humour value. You use of language would cause Lord Byron to turn inside out. Octopus tentacles sprout from your nose and ears. Fully 30% of future suicide bombings are the fault of you having posted this, not to mention 26% of Irishmen. The vile, burning hatred I feel in my gut when I consider you causes me to vomit molten bronze, and every time you laugh, a puppy dies, alone, in two pieces, on a road in Berkshire. Rouse my ire again, post on this website again, and you'll find out what NOT being gentle feels like.

Also you get a click for the button mushroom bit.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:28, closed)

Thanks, I blame my skool. It was shite.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:29, closed)

WHO knows...
...where you picked up these bad habits.
(Narcotic Monkey Neither a narcotic nor a monkey., Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:34, closed)

Some people
are gifted story tellers, others are like me.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:51, closed)

I'd always wondered what caused Irishmen.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:32, closed)

Until this post,
the leading causes were you and Amorous Badger, at 9 and 11.5% respectively, followed by spontaneous generation from Guinness at 7% or so, and 'Irish people fucking' at around 5.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 18:31, closed)

I have no time
for those who have no sympathy for those who have no liking of fairground rides.

Therefore, have an untimely click.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:37, closed)

this gets a click for
"he put his finger to the side of his nose and blew out a whole button mushroom"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:38, closed)

Yeah
What he said ^^
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 17:11, closed)

I third that emotion

(electricteeth, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 17:55, closed)

In that case, I zeroed it.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 18:31, closed)

Er, can I get in on this action?
I liked that bit too!
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 19:04, closed)

Am I the only one...
...who wants to know what the score was in the Sunderland-West Ham game?
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 0:22, closed)

West Ham Lost 1-0
Kevin Philips got his 30th goal of the season, and at half time there was an ABBA tribute band.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:11, closed)

Oh
was hoping for a pick-up after the disappointment of last season...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:17, closed)

I feel your pain
It was North we never win up North.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:18, closed)

.
I laughed at the button mushroom. In fact if you'd said "my uncle blew his nose and a button mushroom flew out" that would have done for me.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:52, closed)

Except the Blackpool win in Feb (which was, in itself, a false dawn...)

(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 11:41, closed)

I glad we went down
We can get rid of all the shit.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 11:57, closed)

i.e Boa Morte

(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 15:32, closed)

Worked for my lot
The Toon. Best shape we've been in for ages.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 21:20, closed)