4 legged creatures mainly dogs
I have been and think I always will be terrified of dogs.

Imagine the scene, you are 13 years old and it's the first evening of the first day of the school summer holidays. My best friend called Chris who more recently started going by the name of 'the body of Christ' as he was a total amphetamine freak and would take his 'whizz' as if it was him taking holy communion and have his dealer place it in his mouth like the 'body of christ'...I digress...

Any way first evening of the school summer holidays at the age of 13, scorching hot day, the workmen that put the lines on the road are out in force with their high visibility jackets on and I have already twice burnt my fingers by plunging them into the horrid acrid white lines they are painting in my street.

Well at this age guided by my father my friend and I 'the body' have developed not only a great interest in the sport of cricket but also a need to get padded up in all the full kit to go and play cricket on the field near my house. The body of Christ lived about 3 doors away from me in a small cul de sac. I wonder if he fancies a game of cricket so I don all of the relevant attire and make my journey all 20 yards of it to his front door to see if he wants to come out and 'play'.

He has been grounded. Grounded for throwing his brothers pet hamster out of his upstairs window and seeing if he can run down his stairs and out of his front door before the hamster explodes on the concrete below. He loses this bet quite dramatically apparently.

So there's me stood in white pants. White t shirt. White pads. Cricket bat in hand. A corkie ball, shouting up to my mate the BOC at his window asking why he cannot come out and play...when a massive fucking dog grabs my left arm and proceeds to drag me to the floor, all the time me looking up and seeing the body of christs face go paler and paler.

Eventually I wake up in hospital, 48 stitches later one dead dog and an aversion and completely engrained fear of all ALL canines. Not that it bothers me they are all smelly fuckers and people that own them need fucking sectioning as far as I am concerned. But still to this day if a rather large comes anywhere near me I freeze totally. I am 33 now.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 1:00, 24 replies)

When I make my first ten million
I'm going to build a dog killing factory
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 1:05, closed)

I will invest 100,000 for 10%

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 1:07, closed)

I hear there's one in Manchester already.

( gone, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 12:55, closed)

it's only because your arms look like ham

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 2:48, closed)

13 year old speed addict?
Wow, that deserves a Channel 5 documentary.
( Ghoti Fingers, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 5:10, closed)

Yeah bit pissed when I wrote this.
I thought I made it clear we used to call him that later on in life.

Also I have written that much drivel I couldn't be arsed reading back through it
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 8:35, closed)

Timing not in the least bit suspicious
www.b3ta.com/links/1222927
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 7:19, closed)

you are a devious and committed paedophile

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 7:35, closed)

Jealousy doesn't suit you.
Alt: fuck off dozers
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 8:16, closed)

paedo

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 8:18, closed)

1/10 for originality

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 8:44, closed)

that's generous marking
I think you forgot 0.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 8:51, closed)

10/10?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 10:11, closed)

You could probably have just trimmed this down to just contain the last paragraph.
The rest was just tedium. Why didn't you just clock the dog over the head with the cricket bat FFS?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 12 Sep 2014, 10:02, closed)

t
this down to just contain the last paragraph.
The rest was just tedium. Why didn't you just clock
over the head with the cricket bat FFS?
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 10:37, closed)

counting down to Zuowan posting that picture

(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Fri 12 Sep 2014, 11:20, closed)

I don't think that's what your mate meant when he told you the dealer whizzed in his mouth.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 12:55, closed)

^ replies, win, etc.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 16:06, closed)

Well, if you WILL insist on smelling like dogfood, what do you expect The LOVELY MEATY-TREATY SMELLING Span Eff?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 12 Sep 2014, 18:20, closed)

I can't help it the LOVELY stuj
I use the yellow jelly in the empty cans of dog food I find as lubrication...if you get me ;)
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 13 Sep 2014, 0:48, closed)

Were you in a rather shitty part of manchester yesterday evening by any chance?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 21:38, closed)

I can neither confirm not deny.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 13 Sep 2014, 0:48, closed)