Dogfights
Luckily the supervisors of this community have the solution.
( .Yeti., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 15:03, 35 replies)

If you repeatedly kick a Staffy really fucking hard in the ribs,
don't they crack like any others?

I don't understand this pansy advice on what to do when a big dog attacks; we're the godlike bastards on this planet, so we should fucking boss those dogs with violence.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 15:27, closed)

I'll bow to your superior experience in the matter.

( .Yeti., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 15:28, closed)

To be fair the article is funny.
I just don't understand why someone wouldn't be prepared to beat the shit out of a vicious animal when necessary, given that we're generally much larger and stronger than they are. My finger wouldn't go up it's arse, my thumbs would go in it's fucking eyes.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 15:31, closed)

Can I sell tickets for this?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 16:11, closed)

What's my cut?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 16:51, closed)

It'll be more than a cut.
While you're trying to kick it the fucker will have your leg off.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:16, closed)

It's alright in principle
but it would involve putting your hand near the face of a dog which is in attack mode. Kicking them tends to make them angry, too.

I'm not advocating dog bum fingering, but I can SORT of see the thinking behind it if it makes them stop without attacking you.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 17:22, closed)

Well, I suppose that does kinda make sense.
But I'd have to just wade in and have a go.
Not that I'm strong (I am puny), or brave (I am definitely a coward) but I'd want to protect my own at any cost, and I reckon that whilst going for the dog's eyes is risky it'll also force the dog to defend itself (and if you blind it it'll be unable to do anything).
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 17:43, closed)

I guess the ideal implement is an umbrella thats just been dipped in raw chilli. Most dogs would even prefer B3ta moderation techniques to that.

I do agree that with almost any attacker the eyes are a good target
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 17:49, closed)

you mean that when something attacks you cry such abundant tears that they get embarrassed and leave you alone

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:16, closed)

well played, but no
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:28, closed)

not a question, pet, just pointing out that you're a sniveling crybaby pussyole whose only experience of fighting was flapping his arms at his little sister when she stole his favourite dummy
apologies for the confusion
(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:48, closed)

you meanie

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:03, closed)

i should be banned or sutin

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:06, closed)

the ears are a good target. lots of nerves
Sort of a canine equivalent of a kick in the balls
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:12, closed)

You can overcome a dog by grabbing it round the throat and pinning it down
But with neckless breeds it's likely to savage you before you can get a grip. These dogs are not deterred by kicking and can literally tear off your flesh. Having said that if I saw one mauling someone i'd have to have a go.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:21, closed)

this just took a turn for the sexy

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 18:22, closed)

Would.
Woof
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 21:31, closed)

Who the fuck are you and why do you have me on ignore?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:10, closed)

You see what I did there?
Yet another demonstration that ignore 2.0 is shit. 17 replies and when you click through only 5 are visible, might as well put a fucking great highlighted box around the ignore-using b3tan's name instead.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:12, closed)

I'm sure the site admins will soon sort out this obvious technical flaw
it's a trivial thing to fix so as soon as somebody points it out they'll take note and take action.
(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:16, closed)

If only someone had mentioned it before

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:20, closed)

it's very lax on the part of the regulars not to make them aware of it
it gives the unfair impression that the site is run by people who lack even a basic understanding of how to administrate and moderate a messageboard
(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:51, closed)

Someone unfamiliar with this place might even get the impression that it's been abandoned by its creator and left to stragnate with a tiny, ever-dwindling supply of disgruntled users

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 19:55, closed)

it looks like I picked the wrong time to sign up as a completely new user who's never been here before

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 20:13, closed)

could you please have a go at the site trolls. It is like expected from n00bs.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 20:48, closed)

Bonus points for teary-eyed keyboard mashing while inferring repeatedly that you're now on your fourth account
as if asking for the previous three to be deleted after flounces was something to be proud of
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 20:57, closed)

I'm going to put you all on ignore.
Every last one of you. Vermin.
(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 20:59, closed)

all the ignore belong to me

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 21:16, closed)

Your all two'd

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 22 Sep 2014, 21:33, closed)

I'm conflicted.
On the one hand, the owner of the bull terrier was neglectful, but on the other hand, Jack Russells are hateful creatures.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 23:33, closed)

This
was never designed to become a "NO I TROLL U" meltdown.
( .Yeti., Tue 23 Sep 2014, 0:46, closed)

I had it down as Internet Hardman thread rather than ttt

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 7:57, closed)

you probably shouldn't have posted it on "no lol i trol u of the week" then

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 7:59, closed)

All the other pubs were closed.

( .Yeti., Tue 23 Sep 2014, 9:55, closed)