Caddyshack
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

(Ok so it's not exactly an Oscar winner but makes me laugh every time I put it on)
(sewer urchin wants a hug, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:18, 3 replies)

Ong-Bak
A good one for Martial Arts lovers, Ong Bak 2 is meant to be even better
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:17, 4 replies)

All-nighters
A few years ago, the Curzon cinema in Soho used to do themed all-nighters (perhaps they still do, but I don't think so). Entry would be 20 pounds for the night, and all the Ben + Jerrys you could eat, and limitless Redbull.

The first one I went to was a John Carpenter all-nighter: They Live, The Thing, Escape from New York, and Dark Star. Sheer class.

The second was a Peter Jackson night: Bad Taste, Brain Dead, Meet the Feebles and The Frighteners.

Between them, they gave me a hell of a lot of film education in around 15 hours total...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:17, 1 reply)

Children of Men
Imagine a world where the last child was born 18 years ago and due to a virus women were no longer fertile.

Imagine being the only woman on earth who is pregnant and trying to get to a safe haven.

Chilling and thought provoking movie. Go rent it.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:16, 6 replies)

Twelve Angry Men
What's not to like: stellar cast, incredibly realistic situation, tight script, tension like a rubber band round the mansack and proper use of rhetoric and logic all set in one room for 99% of the film. A court room drama without the lawyers and the courtroom! I watched it accidentally whilst sick off school at the age of about 15 when it was stuffed on BBC2 during the afternoon and have loved it ever since.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:15, 3 replies)

It's obvious really
I don't know why more films haven't followed the simple formula of Alex Mack + Shakespeare. 10 Things I Hate About You was the bomb, yo.
(swander, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:12, 1 reply)

For the Korean Movie Buffs...
Chan-wook Park's Vengence trilogy are a majestic tour de force.

- Sympathy for Mr. Vengence (Revenge is Mine)
- Oldboy
- Sympathy for Lady Vengence (The Kind-Hearted Miss. Geumja)

I think I probably preferred the first one but all three are jolly decent.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:12, 4 replies)

A story, rather than a list
I've never been overly bothered by horror films -- perhaps I lack imagination, but (aside from when I was shown The Exorcist at the tender age of ten or so, but that's another story) I've just never been affected by them. Generally I just find them dull and rather silly.

Except this one time.

I'd persuaded a schoolfriend to come over and stay the night. We would've been about thirteen at the time: old enough, then, for my parents to leave the two of us alone while they went out to a party. They would be back late, they told us: we could watch telly until 11 but we'd better be in bed and asleep by the time they got back.

What we didn't tell them is that we had managed -- through a rather creepy schoolmate who operated a very profitable video rental business -- to obtain a copy of John Carpenter's sci-fi/horror flick, The Thing. As soon as the parents were out the door we stuck it on and settled ourselves down with our snacks.

Two hours or so later, we were huddled together on the sofa, eyes wide, mouths agape, terrified to move in case the goldfish might leap out of its tank and mutate into some weird alien monster. We wouldn't go into the kitchen because it was dark and the light switch was inside. My friend needed to go to the loo, but refused to go upstairs on his own.

When my parents came back, they were surprised to find my friend sleeping not in the spare room where he was supposed to be, but rather on the floor in my room because he was scared to be alone. Of course we told everyone at school how great and cool it was and no we weren't scared or anything, honest.

Anyway, still a great movie.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:11, 1 reply)

Oscar Winners
Apparently the best ever films were Ben Hur, Lord of the rings:Return of the king and Titanic as they all won eleven oscars.

Personally I think the whole Oscar thing is biggest pile of wank and is only there to serve the dogmatic psyche of the Hollywood elite whilst lining their pockets. Now all this talk of Heath 'I'm a druggie' Ledger winning an oscar leaves a palpable taste of hatred for the established that can only be subdued by boycotting the film in question.

Oh and my favourite film of all time since we are on the subject is City of God. Honourable mentions to Fargo and Little miss Sunshine.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:10, Reply)

The Last Emperor
When I first saw it, I think I was similar in age to the titular Emperor in the first part of the film. I really sympathised with the restrictions that he faced at every turn, and his desire to get out of the Forbidden City.

I cry like a baby at the end as well, when he's just a poor old gardener.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Some Like It Hot
Because it's got Jack Lemmon on top form, Tony Curtis doing the weirdest voice ever, Marilyn being her usual dippy self and it's just perfect.

Also:

Jan Svankmejer- Dimensions of Dialogue
Aliens
Man Bites Dog

and

Bell, Book and Candle. Another film starring the mighty Jack Lemmon, and the most beautiful woman in the world: Kim Novak.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:08, 1 reply)

Also I would recommend the work of Jean Pierre Jeunet
One of my favourite contemporary French directors.

For a sample of his work see this simple, yet obscure 9min short, "Foutaises"

If you liked that, check out Delicatessen - a post-apocalyptic France with cannibalistic butchers and freedom-fighting vegetarians.
(And if you liked that check out "La Cité des Enfants Perdus" - a twisted adventure tale for adults and mentally disturbed children.)
( Butters and his titanium codsocket, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:06, 3 replies)

Alien & Aliens
I had many sleepless nights as a child thanks to Mr Scott and Mr Cameron and not to mention Mr Giger's heroine fueled imagination.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Anyone ever seen
Brain Candy?

Stummie anyone?
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:05, 2 replies)

Requiem For A Dream
Never at the climax of a film have I felt both the strong urge to kill myself, coupled with a steely determination never ever to take any form of drug again.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Scent of a Woman.....
The final speech in the University by the excellent Al Pacino is quite possibly the best script I have ever seen.

Love it!
( diablo290582 Professional.....something., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Probably best to post as i think of them....
....

Princess Mononoke - i simply love that film. Absolutely everything about that film always enchants me and i use the word specifically.

Being a massive fan of all the zelda games and knowing what influenced them this film is bascially an animated version of it for me.

Magical forests, daemons and beasts, heroes and villians and ambiguous charecters. I simply love it.

I have a strong belief that kids need to be kids and when i can find someone stupid enough to let me knock them up the kids are going to see this when they are little. That way HOPEFULLY they can have a little childish belief in sprites, elves, ghosts, daemons and spirits that live at the bottom of the garden before the 'real' world gets hold of them and chews them up.

G

EDIT due to terrible spelling.
(Grove is the collector of WOO and hoarder of YAY, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:02, 16 replies)

Pink Champagne
First pron film I ever watched, when I was still in primary school (I think I was about 10). Really opened my eyes, it did.

have had a bit of an obsession (it doesn't rule my life or owt) ever since. Fortunately, I have a wife who likes porn as well.
(ScousersPet, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:02, Reply)

City of God
Has probably the greatest opening sequence involving a chicken in a film ever!!

It's also a cracking film all the way through!
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:01, 3 replies)

Best films *you've* never seen.
I'm guessing that these films are (undeservedly) obscure - so get over to Amazon or your favourite Bit Torrent site....

*edit to put some context to them*

1) Zero Patients. This a Canadian musical all about AIDS. Yup. A cheery sing song all about teh bad AIDS. It even features a singing arse hole. It's actually a really good look about trying to determine the origin of AIDS in the US.

I saw this during my (brief) stint as a film studies student at Carleton Uni in Canada. I'd taken film studies as a bit of a doss subject - as had many people. I was sat with guys who were making the predictable "Urgh! Gays!" noises at the start of the film yet, by the end, they were in awe of the spectacle that had played out in front of us.

The film is outrageous and fabulous and terrifying.

2) The Story of the Weeping Camel. A Mongolian "documentary" all about a group of nomads who breed camels. On of them (the camels, not the Mongolians) gives birth to an albino calf which it rejects. It then falls to the two young boys of the family to go to the nearest town to hire a man to help get the camels back together. It's the most unexpectedly lovely film you'll see.

The cinema in our little town only showed art flicks, so it was always touch and go whether that week's film would be worthwhile. Something about the name drew me to the film. I didn't know anything about it - imdb didn't (and still doesn't) have much info on it. I'll be honest, as much as I like subtitles listening to Mongolian very nearly sent me spinning for the exit. But I'm so glad I persevered. It is, in turn, a documentary, a road movie, a look at obscure culture and the tale of how you make a mother fall in love with its child.

3) The Strawberry Statement. A film all about 1960s radical students at Berkley. It's got an amazing sound track and a fantastic look at young radicalism.

I caught the second half of this on late night TV about 15 years ago. I hate coming in to a movie halfway through. Somehow I couldn't flick away. The cinematography and soundtrack just held me. I didn't even know the name until a few years later when I saw *most* of the fist half. I spent ages trying to track down a DVD (they don't exist) or a VHS (only on US eBay for exorbitant prices) or a torrent (only spam). Eventually, a wishlist on my TiVo caught it being shown on ITV7+1 or somesuch. I was almost afraid to watch it - would the whole movie live up my memories of seeing it in parts?

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! The movie is a triumph.

If you don't like any of those, you don't like movies.

The worst film I've seen recently was "Destricted". It was passed as a regular 18 by the BBFC despite containing "Strong Real Sex". Wahey, I thought, arty porn! Nope the film is, literally, a load of wank. There is some very good art - and very good "art" - but this is not it. Avoid at all costs. Even worse the Nine Songs.
(terryeden, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:00, 1 reply)

The Wicker Man
and I'm taking Edward Woodward, none of your Nick Cage shit.

One of the best horror films ever, not for the usual reasons for moments that make you jump as there are virtually none. What really does it for me is the overall theme of the film. The horror only hits you on reflection. There's far too few films that do that nowadays.

Also, living in central Scotland, it makes going to the Western Isles extra creepy. The locals there act almost the same towards outsiders and you always wake up half-expecting a burning hand by your bed.
( Butters and his titanium codsocket, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:59, 1 reply)

two more for your delectation
Stand By Me - another Stephen King adaptation

amazingly acted by all, and a brilliant film

The Radio Flyer - story about a couple of brothers with an abusive father (or step-father possibly), and how they deal with it. well worth watching. (I think)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:59, Reply)

A wonderful heartwarming tale...
Threads.

As it's tagline stated, the closest you will ever want to come to Nuclear War.

Probably the most horrific and genuinely scary film I have ever watched but by god it's compelling.

Oh, and it came with the dubious accolade of those people from Sheffield who still remember the old 'egg Box' council offices cheering when the blast wave hits. Sick puppies.
(cliftos2000, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:56, 4 replies)

Can't Remember the title...
The best movie ever was the one where there were these three kids, about twelve years old, and they were all going on an adventure, and they were getting ready to go and the one kid (he had glasses) says 'Boyo! What fun we'll have on our adventure!' and then he falls over because he has been poisoned with a bad cheese sandwich, so the other two pick him up and quickly put him in the back of the car and one of the kid's dad drives them to the campground which is really a launchpad, because hidden behind the bushes is the spaceship they built out of old washing machine parts and a television set.

So even though the kid with glasses is sick, they take off and discover there is an alien on board, who got stranded by his spaceship whilst he was looking for plutonium and still water, and so now there were four people on the spaceship and because it was built for three, the ship fell back to earth and crashed in the Pacific Ocean, and they paddled the remains of their spaceship to a nearby volcano island where there were hundreds of cows who could only speak French, so the alien took out his translator pod and converted everything the cows said to English.

It turned out the cows were all being held prisoners by and evil Wizard who insisted everyone who didn't hop on one foot forever would be turned into cows that could only speak French, but the Wizard had died, so the cows were stranded on this volcano island, and cows have no opposable thumbs so they couldn't use the phone to call for help, so they tried to get the boys to call for help but they only had Canadian Loonies, so they decided to break into the shopping mall (because it was closed) and they robbed the WalMart and built a Ford GT40 out of barbeque grills, salad and paracetamol.

They were too young to buy petrol, so they just poured in apple juice and they drove the GT40 and when it hit 88 mph, the tires caught fire and they were transported to a world where there were lots of cyborgs battling each other, saying 'I come in peace', and then they'd blow each other up.

The one cow that came along (not much room in a GT40) was shot, so the vet came, and he was played by the guy who did Father Ted, and he blessed the cow, and then the cow fell over and he turned out to be made of jelly beans, so they ate the cow.

Just then, Han Solo came on the back of a Taun-Taun, and chastised them all for not killing the cow in a Halal fashion. The kid with glasses was feeling better, so he told Han to bugger off, so Han left, but he left the Taun-Taun, so the boys climbed on and struck off to find where the armoury was, because they knew they’d need firepower in order to escape the island, and they found a prison where everyone had been cut up with laser guns, so there were a few shotguns and smoke bombs just lying there, so they picked them up and then taught each other Kung Fu, so they trekked across the desert until they got to the dragon’s lair, and they confronted the dragon and it turned out the dragon was a monk who was just trying to learn the meaning of life, so they started singing that song about trees and mountains and sheep.

Then the guy from Lord of the Rings came out, what’s-his-name, Dumbledore, and he does some dancing, and then this guy jumps out of the bushes and points a spear at them, and tells them they are all under arrest so they run for their lives, and the guy with the spear turns out to be an army, and there’s like a hundred of them, but they get to the edge of the city, where the canal is, and they jump on the boat, and blow into the sails, and they escape just in time!

The boys then find that the washing machine spaceship needs some adjustments to it’s defibrillator, so the kid with glasses turns the knob on the front of the television, and they take off, and fly back to the campsite, and they get there way back home, and the kid’s dad is like ‘What are you doing here? You’ve only been gone an hour!’ and it turns out they were only gone for an hour, so they look at each other and laugh.

Gosh, what a great movie that was.
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:54, 7 replies)

Paint Your Wagon.
It has Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood singing.

It's one of the most messed up things I've ever witnessed.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:52, 3 replies)

The tragedy of Police Academy
Oh Mahoney, can no-one tame your rebellious streak? Will you never find your calling in life? Are your pranks from boredom, or do you deep down want to be punished? Will you forever continue to find comfort from woman to woman? Where will you be when your looks are gone? Where will your friends be then? Are you that self-conscious of your image that you can never relax, never be yourself? Do you hate yourself? Who will cry at your funeral?

Oh Hightower, will no-one see through your beastly physical mass and see the sensitive man within? With a personality so often wrongly judged from your external appearance, do you never hate the person you've grown into? Do you feel as though you are the freak? You are the one that no-one can relate to? It is you at fault for these misconceptions? Will you die alone?

Oh Tackleberry, will no-one point out that your gun obsession is just repressed sexuality? Will you never overcome your crippling shyness? Why will no-one hear your cry for help that you emit when turning to your safety pillow of firearms? Does no-one care about the hours of practice behind your saxophone playing? No-one knows the true you, so why do you bother?

Oh Hooks, is a shout really necessary to get your point across? Is there no room for politeness in today’s society? Do you feel people don't take you as seriously because you're a woman? Why do you only get one angry line per film? Why do you keep repeating history and never learning from the end of the previous film the benefit of your new assertive attitude? Are you stuck in a Groundhog Day until death? Do you want to end it now?

Oh Sweetchuck, will life never be easy for you? You try to live an honest life, yet always others take advantage of you. Will you never win? Why do those who consider themselves your friends end up hurting you the most? At what point will the meek inherit the earth? Why are you cursed with your puny physique? Why can't we all just get along? Do you just want to turn the lights out?

Oh Lassard, will your undiagnosed dementia eventually be your downfall? Why will no-one listen to your calls for help? Why do they not notice your odd behaviour? Is it ageism that makes them believe that this is acceptable behaviour for a man in your position? Will no-one take you seriously again? Is the future all downhill from here? Is there anything you're good for any more?

Oh Jones, will you not grasp your true vocation as an entertainer? Are your cries for attention not enough? Do you crave attention so much because you hate yourself when you're alone? Do you think that unless people are laughing at / with you then they don't like you? When will anyone take you seriously? Will a church organ sound effect of the funeral march be hint enough?

Oh Harris, will your ambition get the best of yourself in the long run? Do you fear others realising your true incompetence eventually? Do you take pleasure from taking exception with particular cadets? Is your obsession with power something deeper? Does it relate to your childhood? Would no-one listen to you? Do you need to be this person to feel important? If no-one respects you, why do you bother carrying on?

Oh Fackler, is your clumsiness genetic, or do you subconsciously enjoy causing others harm? Is that why you joined the academy in the first place? If you pretend your infliction of pain didn't happen, can you get away with it? When will you be unearthed? What makes you want to hurt people in the first place? Will you hurt yourself?

I cried.
( ma0sm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:51, 5 replies)

Siege at Fire Base Gloria
The TET Offensive. 1968. R Lee Ermey, made famous by his role as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in "Full Metal Jacket" is a Marine Corps Recon Sergant Major who arrives at this Army outpost and takes over from a Captain who has lost it. Rebuilds the base, morale, etc and then:

the TET Offensive happens. THere is a scene where he is walking in front of his men and he has the severed heads of two of the Army personnel who had been standing watch and fallen asleep and the Viet Cong had snuck in, cut their heads off and left...WITH the .50 cal machine gun.

His quote follows:

"Anyone know who these belong to? This is Corporal Miller, (he holds up one head) he's dead, hell the whole gun crew is dead!

And to add insult to injury, charlie took the .50 fucking machine gun with them!

I dont have any respect for Cpl Miller any more, because he allowed his troops to relax, they let their guard down for 5 fucking minutes and charlie took advantage of it. Look at'em damn it!

Pay attention, stay alert, stay alive...it's as simple as that!"

Love that guy!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Drop Dead Fred

Imaginary friends in the shape for Rick Mayal... Cool
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:49, 1 reply)

Favourite Film
Cant believe it aint been mentioned already! - The Usual Suspects. Ok it loses something when you know the ending but the first time was wicked for me. (Not many can say that)
(morrigan456 made sex wee on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Eraserhead (just the first time round though)
Was 16 when I first saw it. Thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen, the best thing I was likely to see, ever ever ever.

Saw it again when I was 26. It disturbed me somewhat.

Saw it again when I was 30. Christ I am never, ever ever going to watch that again. What the hell was I thinking? That Lynch guy must have been doing some serious junk at film school.

From Wikipedia:

"At the start of the film, Henry, who has not heard from his girlfriend, Mary for a while, mistakenly believes that she has ended their relationship. He is invited to have dinner with Mary and her parents at their house".

- Fine, that looks good.

"During dinner, Henry learns that Mary has just had a baby after an abnormally short pregnancy. Henry is then obliged to marry her".

- right OK, sounds like a plan, but what was with the the pigeons they were eating? What's with them moving and bleeding?

"Mary and the baby move into Henry's one-room apartment. The baby is hideously deformed and has a reptilian appearance: a large snout-nose with slit nostrils, a pencil-thin neck, eyes on the sides of its head, no ears, and a limbless body covered in bandages. It continually whines throughout the night".

- Er.... hang on.

"A sleep-deprived Mary abandons Henry and the baby. After Mary leaves, Henry must care for the baby by himself, and he becomes involved in a series of strange events. These include bizarre encounters with the Lady in the Radiator a woman with grotesquely distended cheeks who lives in his radiator ; visions of the ominous Man in the Planet; and a sexual liaison with his neighbor, the Beautiful Girl Across the Hall".

- Now I see why I liked it when I was 16.

"The film's title comes from a dream sequence occurring during the last half hour of the film. In it, Henry’s head detaches from his body, sinks into a growing pool of blood on a tile floor, falls from the sky, and, finally, lands on an empty street and cracks open. A young boy finds Henry's broken head and takes it to a pencil factory, where Paul, the desk clerk, summons his ill-tempered boss to the front desk by repeatedly pushing a buzzer. The boss, angered by the summons, yells at Paul, but regains his composure when he sees what the little boy has brought. The boss and the boy carry the head to a back room where the Pencil Machine Operator takes a core sample of Henry's brain, assays it, and determines that it is a serviceable material for pencil erasers. The boy is then paid for bringing in Henry's head. The Pencil Machine Operator then sweeps the eraser shavings off of the desk and sends them billowing into the air".

- nuff said really

After waking from this dream, Henry looks out his window and sees two men fighting in the street. He then seeks out the Beautiful Girl Across the Hall, but he finds her at her apartment with another man. The baby begins to laugh, and Henry takes a pair of scissors and cuts open the baby's bandages, which turn out to be part of its flesh (or simply what is holding all of its organs together). By cutting the bandages, Henry splits open the baby's body and exposes its vital organs. As the baby screams in pain, Henry stabs its lung with the scissors. This causes the apartment’s electricity to overload, and as the lights flicker on and off, an apparition of the baby's head, grown to an enormous size, materializes in the apartment. Henry is then seen with eraser shavings billowing around behind his head. The last scene features Henry being embraced by the Lady in the Radiator. They are bathed in white light, and white noise builds to a crescendo, then stops as the screen goes black. The credits then begin to roll, signifying the end of the film.

- best not look it up on YouTube kids.



--------------------------------------------
Dusk till dawn comes a pretty close second - two films in one and you never saw the second one coming. What the shuddering cock!?!?!?!
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:43, 2 replies)