Cleaning up someone's rancid backyard with a pressure washer
I was delighted to be covered in a thin slurry of shite, old broken eggs, mouse corpses, chicken shit and other wonderful detritus.
When I gave up and went indoors for a beer my eye was itching.
After I went back to work and carried on swishing the filth, my eye was still itching.
When I got home hours later I had a few pre-bath beers and sat reading the paper, all the while, my eye was itching.

Finally I decanted my filthy self into the bath and had a good old soak to be rid of the day's accumulated horrors, although...my eye was still itching.

Eventually I sprang from the bath, shiny and cleansed and looked hard at my eye in the bathroom mirror. Nothing; nothing that is until I pulled my lower eyelid down.

Crawling along, without a care in the world was a small, white maggot.




I wear goggles now for that kind of job.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 0:49, 15 replies)

Those things will burrow their way into your brain
Are you sure there was only one?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 0:58, closed)

I think so.
Little fucker was trying to get into my tear duct, that's what was causing the irritation. I must say I'm glad it didn't succeed.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 1:17, closed)

Oh sweet jesus no
This actually made me feel ill
( Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 2:31, closed)

My god
As I always do with QOTW answers that are longer than a sentence, I skipped to the end of this story first to make sure it doesn't end in a song or a hideous pun. "Lower eyelid" seemed like some kind of b3ta slang for foreskin, and after reading the next to last sentence I nearly vomited through my nose. :0
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 5:49, closed)

Since it had been cleansed by your tears
did you then eat it?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 7 Feb 2012, 8:38, closed)

Why did you wait until the end of the day
to find out what was irritating your eye?

I suspect the real truth is that the maggot made it's way into your brain, and now you are one of them. The whole story is just a careful bit of misdirection.

Disclaimer: monster munch does not condone insurrection against our larval overlords. He is an obedient drone.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 8:52, closed)

I for one welcome our maggoty over lords.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 9:18, closed)

I'm fairly sure I rubbed my eye a few times
but carefully, as I was very grimy myself.
And to be honest, it just itched a bit, it wasn't painful or scratchy like a bit of sawdust is. I guessed it was a tiny bit of grit.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 13:18, closed)

A friend of mine was covered in tiny leeches on a birdwatching trip.
He picked them all of but didn't notice one under his fingernail before touching his eye. He let it stay there for a day before it dropped off. Thankfully, it only fed off of the inside of his eyelid, rather than try and carve through his cornea...
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 7 Feb 2012, 9:28, closed)

urrrrrggggghhh!

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 22:19, closed)

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 9:55, closed)

Most Of Your Flies

and carrion eating maggots, won't touch healthy flesh. They can't - they're designed to eat rotting, dead flesh, that has been partially broken down by bacteria.

That said. It's most.

There's still a whole bunch of flies that will quite happily lay their eggs in the corner of your eyeball while you sleep in the sun. Or blowflies - they take no prisoners either.

And there's a nasty, vampiric, maggot/worm that lives in your African native hut. It will wait until you're asleep and the hump it's way across the floor - guided by your CO2 emissions, and latch onto the inside of your nose - thoughtfully injecting a local anaesthetic -and feast on you.

Ain't nature wonderful?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 10:11, closed)

Congo floor maggot FTW!
See also the Tumbu fly (who is a blowfly himself, the delightful fellow) for a good reason to iron your laundry in certain bits of the world.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 13:30, closed)

Does anyone else's eyes itch now?

( Pig Bodine., Tue 7 Feb 2012, 11:27, closed)

Bleurgh
Clicking 'I like this' seems very wrong.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 11:48, closed)