Ban coolness
Want to solve all of societies problems in one fell swoop? Ban everything that is 'cool'. From the smallest annoyances to the biggest social problems, banning cool would bring about a utopia.

And what a utopia! Every cyclist wearing a helmet and elbow pads, with a nice loud bell on their handlebar, every driver with two hands on the steering wheel (ten to two) and their full concentration on the road. Children would march politely to school in double file, wearing a high-vis jacket and holding hands with their walking partner.

Without cool music to listen to, nobody would want to do drugs. In fact, only non-cool drugs would be available, and none of those are harmful.

With all the time we'd save by not doing anything cool, we'd be forced to be productive. The debt crisis would vanish - the rich wouldn't be able to piss away their money on booze and yachts and ladies - they'd probably just hand it all back to the taxpayer when they realise that hardly anything uncool is worth buying.

Organised crime? I think you'll find that's cool. Guns? Some people seem to think they're cool, so that's enough for an outright ban. Smoking? Drinking? Looting? Pissing away your working day on teh interwebs? It doesn't get much cooler than that.

And when Samuel L Jackson is brought in front of the firing squad, weeping hot tears for his most subtle of crimes, when every good DVD, CD and book is burnt on the altar of anti-cool, when we gather every year around the flames of wicker-Fonzies, we will finally celebrate our re-lapsarian victory.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:55, 5 replies)

So you're saying
It will be cool to be uncool?
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 17:08, closed)

Is this Cool ??

www.youtube.com/watch?v=08Z-FmgbFK0
(Peno Lives In a Coal Bunker, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 18:20, closed)

awesome
fuckin' love The Day Today
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 12:37, closed)

all hail dwayne dibley!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 20:15, closed)

That
Is a really cool idea.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 9:18, closed)