I'll never look at fruit pastilles the same...
Similar to Monkey the Chicken's oyster mystery I knew someone at my university who had a much more gruesome experience. Normally I wouldn't post something in qotw if it wasn't my own experience but it just needs to be told.

Basically he was pretty wasted one night on alcohol and weed, as most university students tend to be, and ended up getting with a girl, they started messing around just the normal non edible forms of sexual experimentation at first. But then she thought it would be hot to stick up a roll of fruit pastilles up her womanly orafice and have him eat them out of her. So he stuck 3 up there and went ahead with it, though the 4th one was a bit unexpected but he was off is head so thought nothing of it and passed out somewhere.

Next morning he wakes up with half his face covered in a nasty rash. He went to the doctor, the doctor wasnt sure what it was and at this point he thought it would be a good idea to tell him about the 4th fruit pastille.
'Ah, ok. Basically the 4th one was a genital wart.'

Honestly, it wasn't me.
(Plog, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:08, 18 replies)

Oh god....
I'm never eating fruit pastels again!
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:16, closed)

thats.
just.plain.wrong.
(dchurch bah, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:18, closed)

um...
...do genital warts just sort of...pop out then?

What? I'm just asking.
(surlygirl spanked your monkey on, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:22, closed)

This is a valid question
Surely they can't just come off like that!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:31, closed)

also,
if you were to inadvertently eat a genital wart, why would it give you a rash? surely it would give you a wart?

i mean, i'm no sexual health expert, but it does smell a bit like lies in here...
(surlygirl spanked your monkey on, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:33, closed)

It's not a lie from my point of view
However the person who it happened to, who really wasn't me. Had a rash on half his face and this was the story he gave. I tended to believe him cause I'm a foolish trusting sort but also I don't know why he would make that up rather than something normal. Though he's not nearly a close friend so he could just be a decieving perverted man. That's actually more likely now I think about it.

I thought I'd finally found a qotw I had a decent answer for. :( My life must be dismally boring, i'm going to buy some porridge mix and a watermellon, ask my girlfriend over and see if I can get a better story tommorow.
(Plog, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:52, closed)

Your QOTW answer got more replies than any other so far, so boring it aint.

Please include photos of the porridge/watermelon/girlfriend/sexytiems tetralogy :-)
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 17:12, closed)

Sorry to piss on your chips
but a genital wart wouldn't lead to a nasty rash on the face the next day. Nor would it come off whilst noshing.

That 4th fruit pastille was probably a big clitoris, and the rash was probably stubble rash.

Lots of love,

A Medical Microbiologist.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:36, closed)

Hmm
I wonder how he did get the rash then.

I don't want to know what hes been upto.
(Plog, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:45, closed)

must have been embarassing, so he passed you off with wart ;-)
hehe urgh..
( glubglub should be working on, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 18:00, closed)

Yeah, because no-one would notice you biting off and ingesting their clit.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 17:05, closed)

That bit was a joke, numbnuts :D

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 17:10, closed)

either way though
EUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUW!
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 17:06, closed)

Honestly, it wasn't anyone.

( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 17:32, closed)

Well
It was someone, a lying cunt probably yes.
(Plog, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 18:42, closed)

I've recently heard this story
elsewhere on the internet. almost verbatim.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 9:31, closed)

If a lie
about eating a genital wart was better and/or less embarrassing than the truth, please contact him and ask him to post the truth as it will be (1) the winner (2) so gross the internet is shut down or (3) both.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Sat 8 Aug 2009, 8:06, closed)

I don't care if this is a lie, I feel very ill :(
Why'd I continue reading after '4th fruit pastel'?!

Edit: could it be herpes? I have the coldsore varient and if the genital type is anything similar it could have been a massive scab?
(suicidalducky has too much time on his hands, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 3:44, closed)